Chapter 1 - Ruth
Ruth woke early for school. She wanted to have some time to herself before her mother called for breakfast. If she were lucky in fact, Ruth would get out of the house with out anyone waking and she would escape the usual morning rituals, the family niceties, and the prodding questions of moving plans, Ruth’s future and Harvard Law School. Of course that would come up again. All roads lead to Harvard Law School in the Devilder family, at least where Ruth was concerned. It was not going to be any different today except for the fact that Ruth was feeling uneasy about her future. She had always believed she would go to law school. That was the plan. But now with her upcoming graduation and the LSAT’s behind her, it was beginning to feel less like her dream and more like death by legal injection.
How many times had she rehearsed the conversations with her father? “Actually father, I would like to take a year off from school. Yes I do plan to go to Graduate School Father, I feel some time to actually find my passion would…” And they always ended the same. “Yes Father, I respect you and I do know who I am. Yes Sir, Devilders do not need to find themselves. Of course Father I am passionate about the law.” Ruth could not find the courage to genuinely share her heart with Charles Devilder. She never could talk to him. All of their conversations had always been one-sided; after all, he was an attorney, one of the best. He knew how to win an argument and she knew better than to engage.
Ruth scrambled through her book bag to find her keys. Where had she left them? It was five minutes before the parental units were to wake; she could slip out the side door as long as she did not have to go through the kitchen, and she could avoid everyone, especially her mother. Mrs. Devilder had become obsessed about graduation. She had spent hours on the phone making plans for Ruth’s party, a party Ruth had asked her to keep simple. But Harriet Devilder did not have simple in her repertoire. She seized every opportunity to hold a gala event. Not because she was so proud of Ruth, Ruth knew that her mother thoroughly enjoyed displaying her wealth to anyone who would envy it.
Ah, at last, her keys. She could make a quiet escape.
Ruth made her way down the back stare well. She could hear Ms. Filly, their house made-cook-retired-nanny rushing around in the kitchen. She would be able to avoid the kitchen and dining room all together by making her way to the serving pantry and out through the side entrance. Ruth felt concern as she plotted her route. What were the real reasons she tried so desperately to avoid her parents. She had cultivated her system over the past few years to get away from the family whenever she told herself she just wanted a break, that she needed some down time, alone time. Recently she found the need for down time more frequent and it wasn’t actually quality alone time either as she was willing to be anywhere, anywhere, but home.
She assured herself it was likely due to the stress of finals, finishing the term strong with her standard 4.2 GPA or maybe it was the graduation speech rattling around in her head. That or her friends Keira and Stacey pressuring her to get out more and live a little. Or she may just have a touch of Senioritis. “Do you get that in college?” But down deep, Ruth felt different, like something was missing, only she wasn’t sure why.
As Ruth drove through the tree lined country roads into Corvallis, she thought back on her younger years, her family, her parents and her upbringing. She knew at an early age that her family was not like other families. She didn’t feel the same comfortable affection that seemed to settle easily on families she had observed. She knew she didn’t have the kind of run up and jump in his lap father that some of her friends grew up with, nor did she have the warm mother-daughter share everything bond that she had longed for as a teen. But why weren’t they more affectionate? And what was making her think of it now?
They loved each other and took care of each other. That was what really mattered. And besides, Ruth had everything she ever wanted and considerably more than she ever needed. So in that sense her parents were wonderful. They wanted the best for Ruth. They wanted the best of everything. There was certainly nothing wrong with that, especially when her father had worked so hard to get all that they had. His law firm was world renown. He was constantly flying over seas to litigate for multi-million dollar corporations and he was frequently called on to consult in some of the most famous cases in the country. No doubt his reputation was impeccable.
Ruth made her way to the campus. Oregon State seemed busier than ever. The day was turning out to be sunny and soon she would see groups of students laying in the grass and tossing around a Frisbee or lingering on the quad steps in lazy conversation. Ruth had to finish up a few things before graduation practice. She wanted time to say goodbye to some of her professors and her adviser.
Mr. Collins had seemed more like family to her over the past few terms than her own family had. He loved to taunt her about her “options” and kept referring to that nagging profile that said she would be more suited to teaching law than arguing it. She had kindly disagreed. But the conversation did make her think and she thanked him for challenging her the way he did and also for the way he spoke to her.
Mr. Collins was not like other advisors on campus. He was never too busy for her and always had encouraging words. Ruth often wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that he and his wife attended church. She knew that because she ran into them getting groceries one Sunday and they mentioned they just came from church.
One time last year when Ruth was overwhelmed with her schedule, her double major getting the best of her, she went to see Mr. Collins and ended up crying in his office. She was so embarrassed and apologized all over the place as she was stepping out of his office, and he looked at her with a kindness in his face and said that he would pray for her. No one had ever told her that. It was oddly a comfort to her. She would never forget that. And never forget him.
She knocked on his door.
“Come in.” Mr. Collins sounding muffled had his head in a box and did not look up as he spoke.
“Hello Mr. Collins, I wanted to stop by incase I don’t get a chance to see you tomorrow.” Ruth peaked over his desk curious as to what had his attention.
Mr. Collins looked up at Ruth and smiled. “Oh…hello Ruth, thanks for coming in. Well, this is it, how do you feel?”
Hmm, no one had ever asked her that. Ruth was not sure how to answer. “I feel…I feel relieved,” hesitating a bit, “and good of course, I feel good. I really am glad to be done though.”
“Well you have been more dedicated than any student I have ever known. It has been a pleasure to be your advisor, Ruth, thank you for keeping me on my toes.”
“Well I don’t know about that, I think it was the other way around.”
“No Ruth. Listen, I know this term has been intense for you, but I wanted to say, one last time, you can do anything Ruth, you can be anything, go anywhere, accomplish anything, just make sure that what you choose is what you want. If you don’t make your own choices in life, life has a way of making them for you.”
He looked so serious and yet completely genuine. “Thanks Mr. Collins, I know you really care about me.”
“Listen, if you ever need to talk, or if you get bored at Harvard, just give me a call.” Mr. Collins handed Ruth his business card and smiled widely, “because Harvard couldn’t possibly be as fascinating as we are here.”
Ruth smiled back appreciating his ability to make light of the moment. “I will call, I am sure. I’ll likely have anxiety issues or some kind of break down next year.” Ruth really wasn’t sure what to expect. Moving to the East Coast scared her to death.
“You’re going to do just fine, Ruth.” Mr. Collins patted her arm.
Ruth had a strange feeling he wanted to hug her but refrained. It really wouldn’t be appropriate, but she wouldn’t mind.
As Ruth walked down the hall leaving his office she felt her eyes tear up and she swallowed hard to recover. Had her advisor meant so much to her? He was a constant fixture of kindness in her life the past four years she had really come to rely on. It only occurred to Ruth how much Mr. Collins meant to her just then, walking away from his office for the last time. She blinked hard hoping the tears would pull back.
Ruth felt like her life was about to change and it was, but she feared that it might not change for the better. She decided to focus on the graduation. That was next. “One step at a time Ruth,” She told herself. “After all, a lot could happen in the next few weeks, you never know.” Ruth pondered her strange thoughts for a minute and feeling a tinge of hope she decided to leave things at that.
(to be continued...next week)
