Can vs Should...

Recently a friend was retelling a story where he quoted his wife saying "can and should are two different things." That statement has so resonated with me.

Especially in the area of taking liberties and personal rights.

I'll explain using "desserts" for my example, though you can insert anything into the equation.

I can have desserts any time all the time if I like. But I am walking a journey, a path that really I mostly should not partake of desserts. I don't desire the calories or the sugar. My body does not need it and I am also walking through this by the Lords leading, so you could say at times dessert might even be sin to me. If when I partake I feel I am compromising something in my heart, then yes it is me sinning.

Now that may seem silly to some I mean seriously Kristen it's only chocolate cake. True.

But many days of chocolate cake have lead me to become something I do not want to be, in the past chocolate cake was my way of comfort, was self medicating. Chocolate cake in and of itself has no power at all over me, it is the reason I need or want the chocolate cake I must be absolutely aware of.

So I must ask the Lord what is the truth in my heart about cake? Do I love it that much? No. Do I need it? No. Is it a stumbler for others around me? Maybe, at times yes. Does it taste awesome amazing? yes. Does the Lord desire me to enjoy food? Yes, of course or He would have made us with out taste buds. Haha.

So my conclusion to all these questions, thoughts, heart stirrings: I can have cake but I should not always have cake.

Now personal rights...

Here is where God has landed my heart concerning personal rights. It is not even an issue of liberal verses conservative. It is an issue of laying down our personal rights. As Paul spoke of so many times. If we can take liberties we also don't always have to.

If the Lord has said to me that He has called me to minister and serve in a certain area then with that He has asked me to surrender some personal rights. It is simple. I lay it down not for law sake, but for serving sake. I have the right to make these choices absolutely, but If I feel I need control over those personal rights above the Lord having control over them, the issue is not about "cake" it is something more all together.

What is my great need to exercise this right? What about laying this right down makes me feel threatened or challenged. Shouldn't it be simple? I love the Lord more. He has asked, that settles it correct?

What if someone else asks? My husband? My Pastor? Another I am in ministry with or respect? Are they as important, are they less important than my personal right? These are the thoughts I ponder with the Lord and in the end between the Lord and my heart, He has settled me on this: the relationship is more important than exercising my personal right.

That settles it for me.

When we can get to a place in our hearts, and please know I am still working to get there, but a place where we truly know it is all the Lords anyways? Then it is easier to let go of things like, our time, our money, our sleep(yes that is a huge one for me), our food, our comforts, our style, our preferences, our gifts etc. None of these things are bad, please hear my heart in this- God certainly does bless us with all of these things and more. But keep them in His perspective and lay them down before Him and you will not feel robbed of any personal right, because you know in surrendering it-

God has our back.

He has our hearts in mind always, always.

He may be asking us to lay something down to assure our hearts, we love Him more.

It's good for me to know. He is better. He is way better than chocolate cake! Haha.

Note to self...

I just read a book review of this same title and it so stirred me that I deiced to borrow its theme.

As I write I am often so stirred to share what God has been teaching me or some intense story or impression of the heart I forget that I mainly am writing for myself. Really. So here goes.

Dear Self,

You are about to embark on a new season. Picking up a desire you thought you had long left in the past.

Dusting off the ideas and habits and skills of studious learning. Picking up sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks you set forth to walk the halls again of academia. Yet what are your new desires mixed with these revived ones?

To learn? No. That has been an ever present process of daily life. You love to learn and do that purposefully. To learn alone is not enough to set side time and money and thought and creativity.

To achieve? Possibly. Accomplishment is in and of itself so satisfying. And yet there is not an underlying sense of underachievement accelerating this journey.

What is driving this new endeavor? What has after 18 years, raising four children, finding success in the business world, knowing purpose through ministry, what brings this to the front and foremost of priority now?

Obedience. To walk worthy of the calling for which God has prepared for you. Simply doing the next thing He has for you. This is what drives, presses, this is the foremost desire to please and serve Jesus.

Self, you do not know what tomorrow will hold but you do have the hope and faith to follow after Him. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone, thing, the world namely, only represent God in the best way you know how, a life fully surrendered to Him living out His plans for you.

People are more important then papers. A's do not make you smart. And teachers do not rule the world God does.

So enjoy this. It will pass quickly. Take it all in every morsel and do not allow it to swallow you whole.

Blessings. K

Be at peace.

Enjoy this.

DO not let the tasks at hand consume you rather, be consumed by Him and trust Him to work out through you the tasks before you.

Visions of Jesus: My Story and Ephesians

Here is a part of my teaching from Ephesians chapter 2.

V4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,

But God. I love that. Because He loves you so much, His entire motive is love. In my heart this is the theme God has revealed possibly for my life. BUT GOD….Because of His love for which He loved me.

The amplified says because of His great and intense love that God has for you.

The message says: in order that He could satisfy His great and intense love…

Can you just think on that for a minute with me. It is satisfying to God to love on us with such a lavish gift of Jesus. We think about the cross and the sacrifice and the great extent to which the Father gave up His only son, but do we dream about that it brought great satisfaction to His heart because of His great need to pour out His love on us? Do you feel the warm anointing oil of the Spirit just pouring those truths over you?

V5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) While you were filthy and unredeemed not marked by Christ, in darkness, the message says He embraced you! Scooped you up into the loving arms of Jesus. He brought you from death to life in Christ Jesus! From death to life. You are made ALIVE? Do you believe that? DO you feel alive?

I love the visual there, being scooped up, embraced by the Father. God stirred on my heart a few times this week about my visions of Him. About our visions of Him. If you have not had a vision of Jesus I encourage you to ask Him for one. As I shared with Lionel and then a friend this week, I was seeing how the changes of my vision of Him paralleled my path of healing. At first I only ever saw the cross and it stirred and even broke my heart, but my heart was broken. Then I would always see myself as a pile under the cross and Him still on it. And I always thought that is fitting, I am a wounded pile on the floor in my heart. But as I walked through healing He gave me a new vision of Him bending town to kiss the top of my head grabbing my face sweetly like a Father to a little child, Showing me His great fathers love and this brought break through! Much healing as I did not know the loving touch of an earthly father. Then He gave me a vision of Him standing proud hands on His hips, smirking at me and laughing delighted at the time we were having together, and then He gave me a vision of Himself sitting on a throne, and He is even bigger than the throne and He’s leaning over looking at me expectantly, listening to me, leaning in to me. My really big God that can handle all that is in my heart He listens to me and He speaks back. My experience with Him was never meant to stay on the cross, you know because He did not stay at the cross, that is where I met Him, but I am being transformed into the likeness of His resurrection to walk in newness of life.

V6-7 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Don’t stay at the cross, raised to walk in newness of life, Jesus didn’t stay on the cross and He didn’t stay in the grave, be raised up with Him that is the transformed life, that is a life redeemed, renewed, restored,

rescued now He seats you at a place of Honor in heaven with Jesus. Can you just imagine that for a second, the arms of the Loving Father pulling you up into a warm loving embrace like a mother of father scooping up a child and sitting them next to Jesus, next to your loving care taker, life giver, brother, friend.

(7) this He did to show the unlimit-less measure of His free grace (amplified)

Listen to the full message here.

A peace of my heart: My story and Ephesians.

As the Lord began walking me through the process of healing He had me camp out in Ephesians for a long season and began to stir my heart for the truths in this book to become active and alive in my life. Since that time, He has asked me to share this, in discipleship, at a retreat, and now to the women of my church. Which has been such a blessing to me and I have to say stirred even more healing in me. I am grateful for the opportunities He has given me and honored that He would use me like this. So I am sharing here as well. Below is a small section of this first session with the link if you are stirred to listen. I will be posting them all here.

Ephesians 1:18 the eyes of our understanding being enlightened…that you may know the HOPE, HIS CALLING, YOUR IDENTITY. (paraphrased by me.)

A few months ago my husband was meeting with a very highly regarded Christian man in our community. And the truth was this man’s heart has grown somewhat calloused with the lies of the enemy. SO in the process of God speaking through my husband, Lionel began to share some of my story. How I was abandoned by my real father, how my mother had six husbands and went from one abusive relationship to an even worse one, how I was sexually abused at a young age and how I lived very much of my adolescent years over exposed to sexuality, drug abuse, and alcoholic lifestyles.

But Lionel was telling this man of the powerful work of healing God has been doing in my life over the past 12+ years. And how God has radically changed me. And this man made a very profound statement and asked one of the best questions I have ever heard.

He said most Christians run from that kind of healing. I want to let that seep in a little, most Christians run from that kind of healing. You know he is right, healing is hard and even painful work.

And then He asked, why didn’t Kristen? Good question. Why didn’t I run from it, stay shut down, closed off, defeated. Why?

My precious husband gave the best answer I have ever heard, as he had observed this process in me over the years. He said it was the pursuit of God that kept her pressing in for more healing, not the pursuit of healing itself. He shared that each time God would walk me through a layer of healing, God would reveal a little more about Himself in the process and I became desperate to know Him more and more, and in turn He helped me trust Him to work through the painful things that would allow my heart to heal.

CS Lewis wrote: Your real new self will not come as you are looking for it, it will come when you are looking for Him. By His love we escape from ourselves into Him, and then into one another!

We have an assignment, to actively pursuit God.

AW Tozer The Pursuit of God: TO have found God and still to pursuit Him is the soul’s paradox of love.

I believe who we are and how we live, react, respond, walk, thrive, or fail, is directly related to what and who we perceive God to be and what and how we believe about His words. We do not live by what we know, we live by what we believe. Yes there is a difference. We live by what is in our heart.

The Psalmist said it, guard the heart with all diligence for out of flow the issues of life, not out of our minds and thoughts, out of our hearts.

Romans 10:9-10 explains that it is the heart that believes unto salvation

TOZER: In speaking thus I have one fear, that I might convince the mind before God has won the heart.

No matter who you are, what your going through, how you’ve sinned, who has hurt you, what your financial circumstance, what your past, present, or future is, the active radical pursuit of HIM, God, to know Him alone, will dramatically change it all.

Here the full story and insite from the book of Ephesians here.

Hearing from God. Does He provide?

I am writing this quick post as thoughts keep rushing through my brain on a particular topic of making wise decisions with the Lord and specifically concerning His provision.

We live in a community of believers where there are SO many amazing opportunities to do things with the Lord and with the body of Christ. Many. Many. And so many of these are spendy.

So are all of them of the Lord? Sure.

Does God want me to do all of them? Absolutely not.

I've been hearing from a lot of young people lately, oh just do this or just do that, God will provide. Hmm, really? It certainly would feel good to me or my young adult children to get to do every single thing that is in front if us, it would feel great actually. But I am reminded of an old and wise saying "many things are good, but what is Gods best for me?"

My heart was struggling with this, SO I asked the Lord because I wanted to give my own kids wise words from the Lord. And He said to me simply this, every thing I speak to them to do I will provide for, everything they go outside of my plan for them and do on their own will be bondage to them. And then He said this, they can learn these lessons the hard way, or they can learn to hear from me now in all things and avoid a lot of heart ache. Lead them to hear from Me.

Wow. Ok Lord.

He will tell them. Not others. Not even me. And He is teaching them to hear His voice. Amazing. And He has plans for them that sometimes means they miss out on one amazing thing because God is doing other amazing things in their life.

Peace in my heart. It is a yes to God in our heart. Not a blanket yes to every cool thing that comes our way. Some times saying yes to following God means He says NO to some adventures that seem awesome to us. It's because He always has a plan. And if its a true desire of your heart He is saying NO to right now, it will be a matter of trusting Him for that in the future.

CAUTION!!! Do not put your self in the place of the Holy Spirit convincing someone they should do something that God has not spoke to them about. We can not speak for God to lead another only encourage them to seek Him and pray for them to hear.

Also for young people, learn His voice. Listen, take time to pray, learn to make wise decisions with Him, on your own.

Our Pastor Rob Verdeyen shared in his message concerning the apostle Paul's missionary journeys, that Paul had good plans for trips to reach the gentiles, yet they were not God's plans and God worked differently then Paul expected or even desired but every time it was way better(I am summarizing). It's SO good to surrender our own plans. And when we join God in what He is already moving and doing in our life, it is way better than we can even ask or think...Ephesians 3:20.

And this is not about a matter of lacking faith either. It takes as much faith to hear a No from God as it does a Yes. More so in fact because we mostly want to hear a yes. But either way the enemy is trying to thwart God's plans in our life. Satan will lie to you saying of course God wants this for you, why wouldn't He? but God does not call us to places of bondage. Ever.

SO to remain in His obedience and perfect plan, we must hear from Him. And what do we do if we do not hear? We wait. Yes, that's right. Sometimes He makes us wait. I personally know it is during the waiting times in my life that I have drawn into greater intimacy with the Lord. As the Lord revealed this to me He said, Kristen I love the waiting times with you, I love you pressing into Me, so close, waiting your every move for my word, this is how I am growing you Kristen.

I have a dear friend that just went to Israel for the 1st time and LOVED it! She tells me that I will get to go in God's right appointed time for me. I love her for that! I do not feel I am missing out on anything God has for me because I walk with the Lord and He instructs me what to do, where to go, how to spend my money.

And He has provided for everything in my life. Everything. And when I make a mistake, He lets me know and yet I still have the consequences of my actions and some of those have taken time to walk through. Lessons learned.

Does God perform amazing miracles and powerfully supply all our needs? Absolutley. Will He provide for all of our wants and desires? Not necessarily. A wise steward will not put to test the latter. Come to Him on His terms, not your own. Lay down your personal rights and you will be joyfully led by Him, what ever that may look like and where ever.

A good resource: for making wise financial decisions, Dave Ramsey.

Blessings!

No scheme of man...

This line is stuck in my head for a few reasons.

Yesterday I was sinking in disappointment. Not good. The thing is I know how to battle the enemy. I am practiced at isolating thoughts, taking them captive and spitting them out while at the same time flooding my mind with truth. I am very disciplined in careful self dialogue and inner chatter. I really am.

But yesterday there were layers of disappointment. It was a mound. I felt grief for my kids, rejection and disappointment over scenarios in their life, I felt disappointment from my husband which was not his fault but still very present. I felt disappointment from the Lord, ultimately that is where it all stemmed from. Did you let me down God?
And my usual efforts were not enough. Maybe I was tired, drained, emotional, etc. I soaked in the word, worshiped, listened to messages, read my books, journaled, prayed. Nothing was breaking through.

About 10:45 last night I had a conversation with a dear friend and told her she needed rest. Wait, what? I needed rest. It was late. I was tired and my heart had been feeling hurt all day. At this point the only thing that was going to set my heart straight was rest.

I went to bed and prayed then slept.

This morning I woke refreshed with a heart at peace. Not sure that any thing had changed, but I had changed. My heart was well and as my body and mind had rested, my spirit was renewed by God. Yeah, He does that, while we sleep sometimes especially when we ask Him too.

None of my own plans or schemes were working. None of my families either as their circumstance are all in Gods control.

And today God intervened in some mighty ways on LJ's behalf, getting him through some difficult things. Once again showing him that only He God can put him LJ in the places he is going.

Thank you Lord that you can bear my disappointments, refresh my hurting heart, and you still work and move even when I do not believe you are.

Tell the story.

Recently my church went through a week of fasting and prayer.

We met morning, noon, and night to seek the heart of God, hear from Him, and make intercession for people. It was an amazing week.

By the end of the week I was so stirred by the stories of God and really excited that our Pastor wanted to capture testimonies on video to be shared through out the year, for next year and to bless other churches. I had been praying all week that the work of the Spirit this week would go forward. That it would not end or be contained with in us.

Previously I had read Donald Miller's book "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years." This book really impacted me, it is a book about STORY. And I asked the Lord why is it this one Author comes in contact with SO many dynamic works of God? The Lord answered this, "because he(Donald) would tell the story." That struck me with such revelation and stirred my heart to be accountable to tell the stories of God!

As I was assisting with the video, I was blessed to hear the few testimonies in our church of God's dynamic works. But I have to be honest, I was disappointed too. See I had to go and find people to share and track people down and basically beg some, even leaders. Many said no. Now maybe it is the fear of being video taped, I am not sure. But my heart was grieved none the less.

I was reminded of the scripture in Revelation 12. "And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony and they did not love their lives unto death." The verse implies that we will share the wondrous works of God. Not only that, we will not love our life more than even being faced with death, surely video will not kill us. Now I know I am taking this a little extreme, however I really feel the message applies.

And I realize also that our adversary knows as well as we do the POWER in sharing the stories of God. We can not be silenced and we can not be fearful. It is not humility to shrink back from speaking out in a testimonial video, it is insecurity and pride. I believe it is our duty and privilege to speak. I believe however it is a tactic of the enemy to keep us silent.

Tell the story, tell your story, tell the wonderful things God has done in and through you. It is not because of us He is working though He is for us, it is His glory revealed through us!

Ah I am so stirred to hear what God is doing in you! Do tell.

COURAGE.

I am not writing about resolutions this 1^st day of the year, but rather courage!

We can always resolve to do the needful, beautiful, fulfilling, life changing things in our lives. We can and should resolve to do them. But we must have courage to take the necessary and often times bold steps to move forward and actually do them!

I say be courageous this year. Move forward. Boldly go where you have not previously gone before.

Make those difficult choices for getting out of debt!

Join that gym or put that exercise DVD in the shopping cart, go home and start using it.

Shop for your food differently.

Time block.

Get up 30 minutes earlier.

Write something everyday.

Pick up that instrument and just play.

Schedule dates with your family.

Download that read your bible in a year plan.

Make a coffee date with that one person you need to apologize to.

Send out those thank you notes/notes of encouragement.

You know it, just start doing it. You are not stuck.

Have the COURAGE to live. LIVE. Starting today, not the way you always have, but rather the way you have always dreamed of living.

Happy 2011! It’s gonna be a good one!

Perversion of Justice

As I stepped into the courthouse once again I had a shivering feeling that this was not a place meant for justice and righteousness. Oh it is meant to facilitate the law all right, but one walk through the place and you can feel the oppression dripping all over and see the wearisome evidence on people’s faces.

We were not here for ourselves, this time. But unfortunately there had been several events that had lead to us having to come to that room, face those judges, and hear the law administered to suit someone’s reasoning all be it twisted.

Now don’t get me wrong I myself am a law-abiding citizen.

It just so happens that in this day we are in the law is sort of upside down. Our communities teach family and create programs that are meant to correct and facilitate healthy families, yet the law decides every single day things that destroy families and hurt children. That rip families apart. Our community promotes teen sex, abortion and the right to some pretty evil freedoms for our youth, yet in turn decides evil against them when in the court room are being charged for the very acts the community has promoted. Our community teaches that drugs are wrong, substance abuse is harmful and unhealthy, yet the law passes judgment that actually enables and oppresses those caught up in drugs, rather than work towards true healing and freedom. One friend that actually went through teen challenge to get clean and sober and finally held a job for five years ended up arrested and in jail because the law deemed teen challenge a non-approved treatment program, no matter the evident positive changes. Perversion.

Jon Foreman eloquently sings about the perversion we face:

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here
after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
There's nothin at all here that could placate my hunger
The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet
We're all murders and theives
Setting traps here for even our brothers
And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands
The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife
For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even the mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household
And both of their hands are equally skilled
Equally skilled
No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs
I've done against him
After that he'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered
And both of his hands are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands are equally skilled
At showing them mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the loveless
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands

It is indeed a perverted day in which we live. But we have only to look to the Lord for true justice, and leave the work of administering it to Him.

As for believers He already took our case, and because of what has been accomplished on the cross, we are justified. Amen.

Kiss Dating Goodbye? Why?

I am a mother of four young adults pondering the question of the very misunderstood and quite controversial subject of young Christians dating.

Of course in a perfect world our children would meet the love of their life at a young age, in which both families would be so happy to see them grow as friends and mature into a loving and godly relationship nurtured under the covering of two healthy and spiritual families and then be married by their childhood Pastor.However this is more than likely NOT to happen for many of our children, most due in part to the fact that many of us are from broken families. Also this incredibly destructive society we live in has been vying for our children's heart, desires and attentions long before they even are old enough to reach mature dating age. Not to mention the fact that relationships among young adults and dare I say the word DATING has become a taboo among the Christian culture.

I have encouraged my four not to have a serious relationship with the opposite sex until they were out of high school or at least mature enough to make good choices with that decision. I explained how the drama alone of emotional break ups and expectations would be draining on them. I told them it would be more beneficial that they focus on building good friendships, that being a good friend is the first step in being in a committed relationship and also that at their young age they shouldn't be doing anything with a girl or in Bethany's case a boy that they would not do with a friend anyways. For the most part they have respected this. Only now older than eighteen have my boys really started to date and approach relationships. This has thrown us into many conversations. And I have discovered some not so healthy messages.

1) Bachelor to the Rapture. Wrong. This message sends the worst kind of thoughts to young men and women. It may seem spiritual to some, but it is not. God did not want Adam to be alone. A great principle over looked in this statement is that a man or woman should leave their father and mother and cleave to their intended spouse. Also God encourages Christians to grow Christian families. These words may have been someone's personal conviction, but it is not biblical and should not be blanketed over our young men.

2) Kiss Dating Goodbye. This is in my opinion one of the most legalistic and misleading ideas. I think it might be appropriate if we were in a day and age where parents chose the partners for their children. I really do not believe that our culture would support that. This theory puts way too much pressure on young people. I believe it has set a wall up against forming relationships all together. Young Christians have in their minds that to even get close to someone of the opposite sex they have to KNOW that yes this would be the one that God wants them to marry. Hmm. But how could they possibly know that if they do not spend enough real time with the person to actually know the person. And how long does it take for us to hear from God, not because He is necessarily not speaking but because we do not allow Him to speak by putting up our notions or misconcieved ideals as barriers to His words or truths.

3) Then there is the matter of God's will. I am reminded of the story about a man that was caught in a flood and prayed for God to rescue him. Some people came by in a huge truck, he sent them away, then a boat, then a helicopter, then the waters rose and he drowned. In heaven God said I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter, what were you waiting for? We pray for something and often the answer is already right in front of us. I propose we make it too hard.

4) We are so fearful of our young adults engaging in sexual intimacy, we forget to teach them about the other aspects or relational intimacy. How to genuinely share ones heart and life with someone. How to stimulate great conversation, the art of being someones greatest confidant, the beauty of connecting with someone's soul. Handicapped relationships and the forfeit of community in our culture has now plagued our churches. We must live against this current.

5) The enemy. I believe his signature is all over the previous four. Because the enemy does not want to see healthy Christian families and marriages and new loving couples influencing our society. Our adversary has set a target and all out war on godly marriages correct? We can see the devastation in our churches. We are missing his other more subtle tactic; preventing these godly unions from happening in the first place and then wage war on our young men and women thoughts and purity. Confusion. The more our society gets in the toilet morally I propose our young adults also are attacked with this anti-dating, socially awkward, breading unhealthy views of what should be a natural and healthy institute in the first place.

Confession. I am telling my boys to get out there and date. Yes I did. Does that sound bold? It shouldn't. I want them to get to know young women. I want them to have the experiences and practices of healthy dating. I want them forming relationships that may grow into more and then pray through what that more will be. I want them to learn about themselves in the process. What there likes and dislikes are. How to be gentlemen and chivalrous. I want them to learn how to pursuit a young woman's heart, because after all women do want to be pursued.


I propose that young men not learning these lessons may not make very romantic husbands that will work hard to keep their wives affections. Wives want to continue to be pursued for the length of the relationship. I pray that my boys learn this key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy.

As for my girl. She made a very wise and startling assessment one day. She said if I want to get married, I will have find a culture of Christians that date. She looked around at her environment and surmised it is not happening enough here. It was true and sad.

What is the hindrance. We have a large, beautiful, spiritually cultivated body of young adult believers and yet their are very few marrying. Something needs to change. If it is wrong messages we need to dispel them, if it is fear we need to pray for a release from it, if it is education let us educate them.

More to come on this topic, teaching boys and girls what healthy dating should look like. Also the message of "What answer to prayer is already knocking at your door?" A word God gave me and Lionel from the book of Acts I believe to be a great eye opener in hearing the will of God.

Blessings!

Doves Eyes.

You may know the ever popular worshiper Misty Edwards, and if you don't...go right out and get her CD's. One of her songs "Dove's Eyes" has been a particular favorite of mine. Inspired by the passage in Song of Songs 1:15. The depth of this song has long since encouraged my un-distracted devotion to my loving Savior.

But today as I was journal-ing(shouldn't that be a word?) the verse, the Lord prompted me to search for more here. So I grabbed the laptop and fired away on blueletterbible.org.

With much clarity brings new revelation! I was so blessed to find such depth in the reference. Dove's eyes were clarified in several ways to which I have to say, I think it is all of them.

Soft eyes, this one I particularly love, not harsh or mean eyes, soft.
Clear eyes, not dull or clouded but clear, transparent and genuine.
Perfect eyes, eyes marked by the righteousness of Christ.
Healthy eyes, eyes that have been set free, healed, not blurred by pain.
Pure eyes, doves represent purity, guarded eyes kept pure.Loyal eyes, for our Lord first.
And yes un-distracted eyes, eyes that will stay on assignment. I think of the dove sent out by Noah, returning with the olive branch.I do believe as the Beloved spoke of doves eyes, it was a heartfelt appreciation for the beauty within and behind the eyes. A good friend of mine Jane Johnson shares a verse in her life work, Matt, 6:22 the lamp of the body is the eye, therefore if the eye is good the whole body will be full of light. Lovely.

Good eyes, eyes that bring light to our soul. So rich. The new living translation speaks of a pure eye that brings sunshine to the soul. Oh how many days I long for the SON to shine on my soul. Feeling dark, or sinful, guilty, or shamed? Feeling numb, or indifferent, or even bitter or pained? Let you heart sit before the Light of this world, set your heart right before Him and He will speak to you...

My beloved, you are beautiful(handsome)! You have doves eyes.

Let Him shine this light in you. This is His whole heart towards you. He loves you and you are most beautiful to Him.

Vulnerable.

Most of the time I am an open book.

I tell on myself. It is why I love to write and blog. But I have had a hard time sharing recently. As I have started several posts the past week or so and not completed and published any of them I stopped today to ask myself the question, why?

And I had an answer, I just don't have the energy to be that vulnerable right now. Hmm.

See I am walking with the Lord through some very personal things, working had, crazy busy with my teenagers, working hard on my home, finances, taxes, health, disciplines, ministry, SO MUCH! Too much?

Maybe.

Yesterday God told me that I didn't know I would face...fill in the blank; He played a tape in my head of some hard things that I have walked through this past year. And He sweetly said to me, but I did, Kristen. And I have seen you through it.

And today, it is so much, as I journaled again His never ending love for me, His constant care and Heart for me, His attention to detail, His hand of healing, His leading in wisdom, His goodness in my friendships, I am just so UNDONE by Him.

"the King has brought me into His chambers" Song of Songs 1:4

He has invited me in, where it is sacred and intimate, safe and beautiful; in the Lord's inner chambers I feel seen, known, understood, free.

Thank you, Father...just...(whisper) thank you.

AH...DRAMA!

I should be doing a drama right now!

Shouldn’t I be?

For the past several years January through May has been an incredibly full, busy, exciting, inspiring and artistic time for my family and me.

I like the pouring over a script, holding auditions, seeking the Lord for vision, stopping in the grocery store to take note of an every day life happen stance that God has stirred me to ad to a scene, I even like lining up the details all nice and neat in my project time-line and assigning tasks to the leadership team, sick I know.

I love the hustle and bustle of our extreme schedule, rushing out the door with notebooks and props in hand, sitting for hours picking out music, set elements, sketching ideas, dreaming up art. Love it.

Last year we took a much-needed break from this routine. I was relieved because I was tired and frankly not inspired whatsoever. And I was content with the decision.

So when fall rolled around, I really began to think about the possibility of the next drama season. It seemed the right time; usually we know in the fall what the drama we will be starting in January will look like.

So my mind began dreaming, only there was just one drama really in my heart to do and that was a repeat of a beloved story form the book of Ruth, which I will share about in a separate post. But I have been writing this story into a novel and it lives inside me. The people, the colors, the very melody of the story breathed on each page sang to me in my dreams. So I was naturally drawn to do this drama again.

However, not sure that we were supposed to be doing a drama at all. But it was the right time to be thinking about it, my heart was stirred towards something, the leaders were all on board to do it, the Pastors gave the huge green light to go forward, my children were asking me please lets do another drama, I could see in full living color the new fresh look and scenes played out like a movie in my mind.

So what’s the deal Kristen?

The deal is I haven’t really heard from you Lord.

And do you want to hear from me, or are you going to go ahead with this on your own?

No. No way, stopped in my tracks by Pastor Rob’s words, “unless the Lord has not told you to do it, then you should not.” Did you Lord? Did you tell me to do it?

You could do this drama Kristen, but I have not asked you to.

Ok.

I had been so set on the...I should be doing a drama right now, it’s the right time, it’s what we do, we sat out a season that was good, we heard from the Lord on that, but I wasn’t stopping to say are you telling me to do this Lord. So when I did ask Him, He answered.

No. Ok Lord, I hear that. No. And with all the rush of a raging river peace flooded my soul. I had not realized until the moment that I surrendered it to Him; I really didn’t want to do one right now either.

I know there is still more dramas to come, but I am content too if I never get to stand before a stage shouting out directions or encouraging a cast. For now it is not what God has me doing and for now, I am so glad.