Perversion of Justice

As I stepped into the courthouse once again I had a shivering feeling that this was not a place meant for justice and righteousness. Oh it is meant to facilitate the law all right, but one walk through the place and you can feel the oppression dripping all over and see the wearisome evidence on people’s faces.

We were not here for ourselves, this time. But unfortunately there had been several events that had lead to us having to come to that room, face those judges, and hear the law administered to suit someone’s reasoning all be it twisted.

Now don’t get me wrong I myself am a law-abiding citizen.

It just so happens that in this day we are in the law is sort of upside down. Our communities teach family and create programs that are meant to correct and facilitate healthy families, yet the law decides every single day things that destroy families and hurt children. That rip families apart. Our community promotes teen sex, abortion and the right to some pretty evil freedoms for our youth, yet in turn decides evil against them when in the court room are being charged for the very acts the community has promoted. Our community teaches that drugs are wrong, substance abuse is harmful and unhealthy, yet the law passes judgment that actually enables and oppresses those caught up in drugs, rather than work towards true healing and freedom. One friend that actually went through teen challenge to get clean and sober and finally held a job for five years ended up arrested and in jail because the law deemed teen challenge a non-approved treatment program, no matter the evident positive changes. Perversion.

Jon Foreman eloquently sings about the perversion we face:

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here
after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
There's nothin at all here that could placate my hunger
The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet
We're all murders and theives
Setting traps here for even our brothers
And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands
The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife
For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even the mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household
And both of their hands are equally skilled
Equally skilled
No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs
I've done against him
After that he'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered
And both of his hands are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands are equally skilled
At showing them mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the loveless
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands

It is indeed a perverted day in which we live. But we have only to look to the Lord for true justice, and leave the work of administering it to Him.

As for believers He already took our case, and because of what has been accomplished on the cross, we are justified. Amen.

So much can change in a day!

Over the past several years this has been a re-occurring theme in my life.

The Lord impressed on my husbands heart some years back the story in 2 Kings 7. The children of Israel where surrounded by the Aramean army and trapped in their city for weeks. Food was scarce and they feared death but Elisha heard from the Lord, this time tomorrow the prices of food would go down dramatically, there would be abundance. This seemed impossible. People questioned that even God could do such a thing. They did not know however nor could they see that God would confuse the army causing them to flee. And four leapers would discover the provision from the Lord. In one single day their entire circumstances changed.

The thing is we were going through some difficult times financially and personally. And there were many days when fear could have swallowed us whole. No jobs, very little income if any and no resources whatsoever. But the Lord kept reminding us that He was our Father, that He was provider and that He would not fail us. This story became a great reminder and symbolic as we would remind each other over and over, so much can change in a day!

And it often did. God brought provision out of nowhere, He made ways and opened doors that seemed impossible. $400 dollars left at our door step, $1000 brought to the church for us, bills paid, groceries, a weekend get a way, a car, a washing machine, a missions trip for my son and so much more. We had not even told anyone, we only prayed. He was allowing us to go through some difficult times to teach us who He is, His name PROVIDER.

He was teaching us to trust Him even when we can not see the way ourselves. There were days when I could not even breathe because the basic elements of food and shelter seemed out of reach for us or at the very least threatened. Yet God would speak to me to rest in Him and wait on Him. It is impossible to rest when you are consumed with worry. I would ask the Lord, how? How do I rest and wait? And He answered simply, by My Spirit. A new discipline began to develop in my life. I would sit with Jesus until the fear passed. He would not let me go in my quiet time for the day and His peace washed over me. Some days this took minutes and other days hours. Praise the Lord it always came, His peace and rest would enter my soul and fear subsided and I could just wait on Him.

I can not say I would want to go through this season of testing again. But I am so grateful for the greater perspective of God I learned and growing in relationship with Him truly made it worth all the heart ache.

Many days sense then I have faced troubling circumstances and God has given me the grace and peace to say, so much can change in the next day, I will let it roll off on Him that is able to make it change.

Getting into the conversation...Love and marriage.

I recently read this post by the love sick soul. Who asked what we think about a conversation on love and dating that has carried in our community for several days now.

As a mother of young adults this conversation is vital to me. I pray every day for my children to have the courage to let their hearts love and to take action on that love. I previously wrote about encouraging my young men to date in another post, Kiss Dating Goodbye, Why? This may have been a little misunderstood but I don't encourage them to be serial daters but to not fear dating that they can learn relationship and mature to take a wife. Or in my sweet girls case a husband.

I do not believe it is a healthy state of our culture to be anti-marriage and so self dependent, self reliant. I believe it is a sign of the sin in our world and the state of wounded-ness and broken people.

One of the most beautiful pictures of Christ's love for the church is the imagery of the bride of Christ. This teaches us about a God that not only died for us and has adopted us into His family or Fathered us, but more importantly and even more complex is that He, God is a passionate lover of our soul. If you are not convinced of that statement, you are not alone, many believers do not receive that and are in need of some healing and learning of God because His word says He is, many times over.

As a women who prayed several years for that revelation I know from experience the love of God that Paul so passionately prays for the church in Ephesians 3:14-19.

What does that have to do with marriage? It is the selfless love of Christ that people need to see mirrored in our lives and it is a gift and favor from the Lord to be blessed with a family actively pursuing this kind of love to model.

God is able to do this, able to keep two very diffrent people from completely different backgrounds together in marriage. Able to overcome our personal histories, our wounded hearts, our fears, our false ideals. God is able to make our lives look different from those in our society. God can conquer the pain of divorce and the brokenness of abandoned children.

I say we are in a time that is so close to the last days, God would redeem the concept of marriage and family in our Christian communities, if we let Him and I am stirred to pray for it.

The question has come up about how absent the topic of dating actually is in the bible. I have a few observations on this topic. First that they married much younger, for the most part, and that they also had arranged marriages. Negotiations were made and the choice was a family decision and there was not this waiting of a love to fall on your heart out of nowhere that would be your SIGNAL to marry. But rather a choice was made, a decision and plan set in motion I believe that was the work of God and then I believe following that choice, love was stirred.

One of my favorite stories of love in the Old Testament is Isaac and Rebekah. What wonderful trust and belief in God Isaac displayed in sending his servant to go to find him a wife among the acceptable choices of his family. And how even more beautiful this servant asking the Lord for the direction in that and then this young girl so ready and willing to follow the will of her God to be taken to marry a man she barely knew of and had never seen.

Do I think we should be arranging marriages? Not realy but the concepts here are amazing. Courage, decision, action, prayer, faith in God not the person, wise council from a close trusted source, and then love. Such love.

I have been married 22 years. Lionel and I are from broken families. Marriage was not sacred. But with God in our hearts and faith in our lives we set out to do something daring, something no one in our families had done before, to break the chain of divorce and pass on a heritage of healthy love in our family as a testimony to God. We were young and dreamers and didn't know any better than to believe that God would and could do it in us, praise Him, He is!

Praying for all of our young adults! Praying against the enemy trying to steal this God designed plan from the church. Praying for healing in families and marriages and healthy right thinking from the Lord about His heart for love and marriage.

Living single is not a curse, but marriage isn't either. And if you are single and reading this and have found your heart saddened in anyway, please know that I am speaking for you. And please ask the Lord to reveal to you what is in your heart that He wants to bring to light and bring into truth. He is the lover of your soul and will fill you completely in or out of marriage, as it should be.

Love you all!

Mirror Vulnerability

Vulnerability.

I feel the Lord moving in this area of my life. But more than that stirring in my heart the full weight of mirroring this in our Christian lives to young people, to those that are not saved, to this culture, in which has been said there is zero tolerance for being vulnerable.

This intolerance comes from the breeding of over confidence in the generation of self-help and personal empowerment. It has moved to a survival of the fittest mentality and not learning that failure is natural, but rather that nothing or no one is a failure and that life should be fair and that everyone deserves everything they want. This message has left our young people confused. Feeling internal conflict over what they know is true; that we fail, we are not enough, there must be more, nothing this world has to offer is filling my soul. So instead we have created a society and entire culture built on lies and people dying or dead inside. No wonder so many are on substances to balance out their emotions and mask their feelings.

The brave speak the truth and dare to be vulnerable. Even in the church, vulnerability has been hushed or silenced. Churches that fear not “looking the part” more than bringing healing to hurting lives are stumbling are young people. Are we preaching a relational gospel yet teaching performance based religion?

Religion is hindering this younger generation. And the enemy has come alongside it to offer the best substitute of all, an almost true faith in God. Slightly skewing our children’s perspective of God and how He see’s them is far more damaging than any of Satan’s other tactics. Because as he stumbles them with false religious teachings, he is keeping away 100’s of others from truly knowing God because of seeing the pain and destruction “religion” has left in it’s wake with God’s name attached to it.

We have the assignment of reaching and ministering to a desperate and confused generation that have really lost Hope in everything. But are fearful of speaking the truth. We live in a culture of drugs and antidepressants that have been the numbing of pain and confusion for so many. And how can we blame them, they do not know where to turn to.

Vulnerable. Genuine. Authentic. Real. Our children are desperate to be able to be themselves and yet struggle to know and accept themselves. Is God our condemner? Is he our accuser? No, the word of God is clear, He has not come to condemn but save, it is the goodness of God that draws man, His kindness that leads to repentance.

Are we ashamed to admit we have sinned? Sin is as much a part of our Christian life as forgiveness is. How can we facilitate healing and restoration to sin that has been covered up and hidden. And how will our young people boldly share and confess their struggles unto freedom when they are being chastised for having struggles. And who will speak out that struggle is actually essential to growing and being established in God.

Do we reinforce the worldly philosophies of numbing out rather than honestly working through hard things out in the open. Do we look and act just like the world turning to worldly advice, wisdom, and laws? What makes us different?

Our boys are afraid to be honest about their thought lives. Our girls are scared to share they are starving themselves. Our young adult Christians are scared to say they have had sex. If we cannot talk openly about real heart and hurt issues, then we can never open up to reach a hurting and needy world. And if we are not different then them, masking our pain and hiding sin, then what really are we offering?

Is our God able to bare our sins, the sins of our children? Yes we cannot bare it, but He can. Does He have arms big enough to hold us when we cry, to take the pain away, to heal the wounded-ness, to break through the addictions, to poor in love? Does He? Let’s live it, let us walk in it, let us share it.

I love that Job offered up sin offerings for his children in case during their shared meals and parties together, they had sinned. Job the most righteous father/man in the bible set a good example. He knew that sin was a likely part of life, and yet the most important thing about that was bringing it before the Lord. As I see my own children struggle this comforts me and I pray and ask Jesus for their forgiveness every day. He is the sin offering and covering for them. But like Job, I know they sin before God even when they do not know it.

God has been so faithful to me, to my kids. When things were desperate and hard He said to my mother’s heart, “Kristen, you can not bare it, but I can.” Today someone shared that even without blessings God is faithful. I was struck by that as in times when I could not SEE His hand of favor on us, yet He would say I am still here, I am still God, I still love you all as much as I have ever loved you.

Let us be REAL, for real.

I urge you, ask the Lord to stir your heart and lead you to mirror vulnerability.

Drama Ministry...more of the story!

So suffice it to say my life journey has detoured me from writing about drama ministry. But alas the story must go on.

Script writing has been an essential part of the drama ministry for me. I am not so uninformed to think there is not available material out there but it has just been the case for me that God would stir in my heart and mind the story He wanted us to tell.

The more I wrote, the more at ease I began to feel about the way God spoke to me, however in those first few years when I was reformatting a script or finishing someone else's work, it was a daunting task for me. I felt ill equipped and not nearly talented enough. But I had said yes to God and I had to trust that He would do it through me. Those first steps were baby steps though and coming to a place to write the entire script was a huge leap of faith for me.

Inspiration would strike in the strangest places. Sitting in church listening to the message, during my quiet time, while at the grocery store, while watching a movie, during prayer, when reading a book. I literally was in safeway one day when a song began playing and as if everything were in slow motion as I liked around other shoppers had taken notice of the song at the exact time and all of them were nodding to the music, in my head of course. I am not sure that really happened but I could see it as if it were real and it inspired a scene in the play. That's what it was like for me.

Regardless of when; what always seemed to transpire would be clear and colorful pictures and images with story to compliment. And then I knew I had to get to my computer, very soon and write. It was overwhelming how the words and dialogue would spill out onto the page and scenes formed then directions followed. Amidst the drizzle from my visions a play would appear, taking shape, color, characters, and form. The process amazed and stunned me at the same time.

My very first full script was Beautiful which was taken from the book of Ruth. My Pastor had just taught through the book and I had begun dreaming of these characters in full vivid pictures only in a contemporary setting. That was the beginning of the most intense writing experience. As I saw this story of Ruth unfold in my brain I began to fall in love with the people, the families, the faces that stirred my heart. I became so emotionally attached to Ruth and her life that when it came time to share the script with my team I was terrified. After-all they might not like it. And then what would I do? I had lived with this story for a few months now. Fifty pages that were practically written on my heart and I had to let others share their thoughts and opinions about it, uhg! I just couldn't do it!

So I let my husband and my kids have the first go. Of course they were kind and encouraging but I realized something, hmm they were also pretty biased. Next my good friend Monique and her family, they were so supportive yet honest. They seemed to like it pretty well and got very excited after reading it. Also they had some good input that really helped in the initial edits.

Next up was the meeting with the rest of the leadership team. I gave the script to the stage manager, set director, lighting tech, choreographer, and it was out there. No turning back now.

I had written a script, for a play, and we were going to perform it. I am really glad I never set much stock in the words I had written and knew that the story itself would come more to life as the actors began to fill the characters and that is exactly what happened. I was happy to liberally give freedom in lines, for the most part, especially in rehearsal where some great discoveries were made and also when I would run through a scene and then I could see where holes could be filled in and also what was needed to fill it out more.

God was so with me, at every turn. I believe He carried me through that year by giving me the most gracious team of actors and crew I could have ever worked with. For some reason every single one of us felt this project was of the Lord and became really attached to the characters and story.

So what I learned that year; true humility is essential to survival in rehearsal, complete surrender would make it easier for my feelings to not get hurt, allowing the entire team to take ownership of the story really brought the project to life, and God comes through. Every single time. We do not arrive, He stretches us and grows us more and more every single step we take with Him.

That year was a turning point for me. What obedience looked like that year for me, really, was the greatest gift I never imagined I would ever receive from God. He flowed through my heart, mind, visions, dreams, and creativity to bring together a heart warming and vividly colorful drama that to this day is my most favorite story.

He so exceedingly abundantly went beyond so much more than I could ever ask or think. He radically changed me and I am so grateful to have followed Him in this calling, even through fear and attack and doubt, He so brought me through!

It was BEAUTIFUL!

The unauthorized blogography of Jane Johnson

Featured Artisan: Jane Johnson.


Meet Jane, lovely, brilliant, artistic and creative Oregon photographer. Today I want to tell her story in my own words of course. Jane was born twin sister to Robyn on an ordinary day to an ordinary family in which I could only imagine both heaven and earth shifted slightly towards the more beautiful and glamorous aspects of life.

Jane grew up, Jane went to OSU, Jane fell in love with Jesus, Jane fell in love with a boy, stop. It must be noted that on one February day years back hearts were broken all over Oregon when Jane said the words "I DO" to the incredibly charming man Josh Johnson. The secret however is that it is Josh that is the luckiest man ever.(I know he would agree.)


There is just something about Jane.

To know her is to know how completely genuine she is and how truly disarming her words are whenever you are around her. I like that she speaks her mind, that she has a wise and snarky (yes I did use that faux word) way of stating the obvious to which the rest of us are like, hmm yes, yes I was thinking that.

I like that she brings art to everything she does, to all of our lives, to the directed steps that she sojourns day after day. She truly does color the world, more than that she captures every vibrant and striking stroke this world has to offer. But don't take my word for it, see for your self here.

And yet her amazing gift of photography is not the only thing that sets Jane apart from the most of her colleagues.

It is her uncompromising, over flowing, always true loving heart for Jesus.

It is the story she chooses to write with her life, it is the giving of her time for missions relief, it is the giving of her work for lives to be changed, it is the sharing of all that she is in hopes that someone might be made more secure in the Fathers arms, it is that she is honest to the point of fault that keeps all of us attuned to her living testimony.

Jane is a giver. And it is not just that she gives but also what she gives that makes her the unique individual you most certainly will fall in love with. She gives herself. Her true real self, no pretense. And though she modestly and lovingly makes fun of her faults and laughs at her own jokes, she is a woman of strength and surrender at the very same time. To which I am at the very least blessed and feel privileged for my own daughter to know and follow Jane's example.

Jane, here's to writing about you beautiful lady, if we had glasses in our hands...we would hear clinking, in your honor Jane, to Jane...

(photos lovingly borrowed from Jane Johnson)

Taking a walk...

So the path is unknown, but you have asked so I walk.

I can see a ways ahead and I am sure there is something waiting for me,

but I also know that my sight is limited.

I don't always feel safe but reminded of Your word, I am secure.

Each step is like a leap as I realize that I am moving away from the familiar and towards the unsure.

I believe you are leading me, I could not take another step otherwise,

yet part of me aches to just turn.

I am desperate to hear from you, assurances, to be confirmed.

And my heart feels a warmth and I know You are present.

The path is getting rocky now, I am not prepared? I question.

I glance at my feet disappointed with some of the choices I made getting here.

I feel the wind change now and know it is a storm I have feared.

I look up and hear “keep going” it is the only choice to make.

The pouring rain grows hard as I struggle with balance and start to shake.

The world around is dark and blurry

and I cannot even see my next step...

I am worried.

I step anyways.

I am blind. The storm has taken all visibility, yet You keep nudging

Forward, to what? My heart asks.“It is not for me to know,”

You reply and I am trembling…

BUT WHY? I cry.

The storm does not change…

The path is still under me…

The water drips from my face tears mingled with rain…

I step forward anyways.

And I feel…

Not fear…

Not anger…

Not hate…

Not unsure…

I feel…

Peace.

And You say, Peace be still.

The storm is still raging, I believe it is gaining speed.

But Your words keep me going and new strength has found me.

Kiss Dating Goodbye? Why?

I am a mother of four young adults pondering the question of the very misunderstood and quite controversial subject of young Christians dating.

Of course in a perfect world our children would meet the love of their life at a young age, in which both families would be so happy to see them grow as friends and mature into a loving and godly relationship nurtured under the covering of two healthy and spiritual families and then be married by their childhood Pastor.However this is more than likely NOT to happen for many of our children, most due in part to the fact that many of us are from broken families. Also this incredibly destructive society we live in has been vying for our children's heart, desires and attentions long before they even are old enough to reach mature dating age. Not to mention the fact that relationships among young adults and dare I say the word DATING has become a taboo among the Christian culture.

I have encouraged my four not to have a serious relationship with the opposite sex until they were out of high school or at least mature enough to make good choices with that decision. I explained how the drama alone of emotional break ups and expectations would be draining on them. I told them it would be more beneficial that they focus on building good friendships, that being a good friend is the first step in being in a committed relationship and also that at their young age they shouldn't be doing anything with a girl or in Bethany's case a boy that they would not do with a friend anyways. For the most part they have respected this. Only now older than eighteen have my boys really started to date and approach relationships. This has thrown us into many conversations. And I have discovered some not so healthy messages.

1) Bachelor to the Rapture. Wrong. This message sends the worst kind of thoughts to young men and women. It may seem spiritual to some, but it is not. God did not want Adam to be alone. A great principle over looked in this statement is that a man or woman should leave their father and mother and cleave to their intended spouse. Also God encourages Christians to grow Christian families. These words may have been someone's personal conviction, but it is not biblical and should not be blanketed over our young men.

2) Kiss Dating Goodbye. This is in my opinion one of the most legalistic and misleading ideas. I think it might be appropriate if we were in a day and age where parents chose the partners for their children. I really do not believe that our culture would support that. This theory puts way too much pressure on young people. I believe it has set a wall up against forming relationships all together. Young Christians have in their minds that to even get close to someone of the opposite sex they have to KNOW that yes this would be the one that God wants them to marry. Hmm. But how could they possibly know that if they do not spend enough real time with the person to actually know the person. And how long does it take for us to hear from God, not because He is necessarily not speaking but because we do not allow Him to speak by putting up our notions or misconcieved ideals as barriers to His words or truths.

3) Then there is the matter of God's will. I am reminded of the story about a man that was caught in a flood and prayed for God to rescue him. Some people came by in a huge truck, he sent them away, then a boat, then a helicopter, then the waters rose and he drowned. In heaven God said I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter, what were you waiting for? We pray for something and often the answer is already right in front of us. I propose we make it too hard.

4) We are so fearful of our young adults engaging in sexual intimacy, we forget to teach them about the other aspects or relational intimacy. How to genuinely share ones heart and life with someone. How to stimulate great conversation, the art of being someones greatest confidant, the beauty of connecting with someone's soul. Handicapped relationships and the forfeit of community in our culture has now plagued our churches. We must live against this current.

5) The enemy. I believe his signature is all over the previous four. Because the enemy does not want to see healthy Christian families and marriages and new loving couples influencing our society. Our adversary has set a target and all out war on godly marriages correct? We can see the devastation in our churches. We are missing his other more subtle tactic; preventing these godly unions from happening in the first place and then wage war on our young men and women thoughts and purity. Confusion. The more our society gets in the toilet morally I propose our young adults also are attacked with this anti-dating, socially awkward, breading unhealthy views of what should be a natural and healthy institute in the first place.

Confession. I am telling my boys to get out there and date. Yes I did. Does that sound bold? It shouldn't. I want them to get to know young women. I want them to have the experiences and practices of healthy dating. I want them forming relationships that may grow into more and then pray through what that more will be. I want them to learn about themselves in the process. What there likes and dislikes are. How to be gentlemen and chivalrous. I want them to learn how to pursuit a young woman's heart, because after all women do want to be pursued.


I propose that young men not learning these lessons may not make very romantic husbands that will work hard to keep their wives affections. Wives want to continue to be pursued for the length of the relationship. I pray that my boys learn this key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy.

As for my girl. She made a very wise and startling assessment one day. She said if I want to get married, I will have find a culture of Christians that date. She looked around at her environment and surmised it is not happening enough here. It was true and sad.

What is the hindrance. We have a large, beautiful, spiritually cultivated body of young adult believers and yet their are very few marrying. Something needs to change. If it is wrong messages we need to dispel them, if it is fear we need to pray for a release from it, if it is education let us educate them.

More to come on this topic, teaching boys and girls what healthy dating should look like. Also the message of "What answer to prayer is already knocking at your door?" A word God gave me and Lionel from the book of Acts I believe to be a great eye opener in hearing the will of God.

Blessings!

Doves Eyes.

You may know the ever popular worshiper Misty Edwards, and if you don't...go right out and get her CD's. One of her songs "Dove's Eyes" has been a particular favorite of mine. Inspired by the passage in Song of Songs 1:15. The depth of this song has long since encouraged my un-distracted devotion to my loving Savior.

But today as I was journal-ing(shouldn't that be a word?) the verse, the Lord prompted me to search for more here. So I grabbed the laptop and fired away on blueletterbible.org.

With much clarity brings new revelation! I was so blessed to find such depth in the reference. Dove's eyes were clarified in several ways to which I have to say, I think it is all of them.

Soft eyes, this one I particularly love, not harsh or mean eyes, soft.
Clear eyes, not dull or clouded but clear, transparent and genuine.
Perfect eyes, eyes marked by the righteousness of Christ.
Healthy eyes, eyes that have been set free, healed, not blurred by pain.
Pure eyes, doves represent purity, guarded eyes kept pure.Loyal eyes, for our Lord first.
And yes un-distracted eyes, eyes that will stay on assignment. I think of the dove sent out by Noah, returning with the olive branch.I do believe as the Beloved spoke of doves eyes, it was a heartfelt appreciation for the beauty within and behind the eyes. A good friend of mine Jane Johnson shares a verse in her life work, Matt, 6:22 the lamp of the body is the eye, therefore if the eye is good the whole body will be full of light. Lovely.

Good eyes, eyes that bring light to our soul. So rich. The new living translation speaks of a pure eye that brings sunshine to the soul. Oh how many days I long for the SON to shine on my soul. Feeling dark, or sinful, guilty, or shamed? Feeling numb, or indifferent, or even bitter or pained? Let you heart sit before the Light of this world, set your heart right before Him and He will speak to you...

My beloved, you are beautiful(handsome)! You have doves eyes.

Let Him shine this light in you. This is His whole heart towards you. He loves you and you are most beautiful to Him.

Raising Men.

Three sons, 20, 19, and 18.

As a mother I have loved every minute of having boys. I have always called them my little men, but it wasn't until the last few years that I really had a clear perspective of that.

A few years back my eldest was becoming a Pastor at the same time suffering heartache, my second son had been in two very expensive accidents costing his hard working self dearly, and my third son had almost died in an extremely harrowing car accident. Literally should have died, God spared him. As I struggled through the intensity of the seasons they were all in, the onset of waves of discouragement and fear that I was suffering at the time felt something a kin to an elephant sitting on my chest. I would ride to work with Lionel and say, it just aches in my chest. And he would remind me to breathe. It was often hard to find air.

A wise and godly friend was listening one particular day at work and she looked straight into my teary eyes and said, "Kristen you are not raising boys, you are raising men." It stopped my thoughts, yes screaming halt.

I was intent on her every word as she continued, "you have no idea what things God will use to bring them to manhood, but you mom do not want to hinder that." Hmm, no I don't.

I began asking the Lord about that, what I already believed to be true. He said to me...

Yes Kristen, let them go.

Now mind you Caleb was barely yet 16. I wasn't cutting him loose from parenting then, but I understood what God was saying, because in my heart I already saw the process unfolding. They were breaking away from us, from their mom, little by little. Only it had begun years ago. When they stopped jumping into my lap, or giving me kisses in front of their friends, or asking for a million stories at bed time, or wanting to be home just to play with their dad and me.

So my prayers changed dramatically. As they continued to rapidly catapult into adulthood several things were happening simultaneously.

I began to count down the days we likely had left for them in our home and thus frequent influence.
They began to question things more and more.
Spiritual attack reared it's ugly head over and over.
I felt less like a parent and more like a warden.
The truth hurt, we spoke the truth to them and their words back to us, though true stung too.
I realized they thought they needed me less and less.
They needed to make mistakes, hey when you think you know everything a few grand mistakes is enough to remind you that maybe you don't.
They increased in their desire for the extreme.
Life experiences became the utmost priority.
Wrestling through ideas and thoughts with anyone and everyone God included, now eminent.
They valued anyone who took them seriously, ignored everyone who did not.
Started referring to particular adults more like peers.
Trust and respect was not given as easily nor taken for granted.
No longer talked in we, us, and family, more I, me, and individualized statements.
No loner took my word for things.
Disagreed with our parenting per their years of experience being parented.

I am sure there are many more that I have not discovered. But while I ponder and still witness the transformations, I also am in complete awe of God.

He knows what He is doing, and He has instilled in our men a natural process from childhood to manhood, a passage of struggle if you will that to many appears more like crisis than development. But to which God has assured me is all in His care and part of His plan for them.

My perspective of God has changed through this process as He has given me such reassurances over my own son's hard times and conflicting ideals.

God is trust worthy. As I know that He is in them and there has been plenty fruit to that confirmation, He has the ability to parent them from the inside out.

He is able to bare all of their struggles and even their sin, this one is huge for me, as I of course am so unable to bare it. My heart ache alone for them is proof enough for me.

He reminds me daily that this, this season, this struggle, this growing, this breaking away, this confusion at times, even this pain, this is what He came for.

And this truth...one day standing in worship, front row, second seat in, knees shaking, heart pounding, hands trembling with grief over the latest blow, the song was playing ..."I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross..." God spoke to me.

Kristen, you'll never know how much it cost to see my SON upon that cross.

Oh Lord. No. No I would never have to suffer that pain. He did, so I would not. He understood more than I knew the heart ache of a parent. But He also understood more than I knew, every single thing He would allow across my amazing young Men's lives and He was worthy to trust with all of it.

So I am learning as I go here. Making so many mistakes along the way and God has told me He calculated those too. (He's so got my back!) And I am parenting in Faith and discovering what it means to parent adult children. It is likely the hardest season of parenting we have faced to date.

It is also the most exciting, most rewarding, most engaging and thought provoking time of our parental lives. We have been blessed with young Men that know, fully believe in, and trust God. How they walk with Him, what they believe about Him, where they find the strength to stand alone with Him without their parents, well this is between them and God.

We are still a part of this picture, our role has just transitioned to more fervent prayer warriors, counsel and advisers, teachers when asked, exhortation when welcomed, helpers when needed, only we are not the ones who get to initiate any of this, except for the prayer.

I am so proud of my boys, excuse me Men. I can not help it, they are so gifted, smart, strong, compassionate, loving, responsible, and loyal. It does not surprise me as these qualities are why I love their father so much.

And we have been blessed, to have God along side us as parents, He allowed us to fill up their cups overflowing with love, and show them that He was the one who filled ours. Now we get to see them let God fill them on their own.

There can be no greater joy.

In Relationship.

We are relational beings by nature. It is what drives us or causes us to crave relationship with our heavenly Father.

Recently God revealed to me some "not-so-healthy" relationships. Inappropriate bonds that He was asking me to cut away from my heart. I was somewhat surprised at first, considering the objects of my affection and what He pointed out to me, well, it was a huge revelation.


The bathroom scale. I do not have a relationship with my scale. It can not tell me if the day is good or bad, I can not live and die by it.

The treadmill. It is not mocking me or judging me. It does not know or think anything if I walk three or five times a week on it and it does not know that I do another workout on alternate days, nor does it care.

Food. Is not my friend, can not comfort, calm, bring clarity, reduce stress, satisfy my heart, or change my circumstances in any way and the same is true for the lack of it.

Starbucks. Is just a corporation. It does not feel badly when I pass one by. It is not betrayed if I enjoy coffee from another establishment. It does not love me back.
My computer, and this one is a big deal. I could really see and partly knew I had somewhat strange affections for the previous mentioned. I have often said "I really get stuck on things," or thought I am just incredibly loyal. But as the Lord revealed these things over the past week, He did not bring up my computer right away, but rather let me ponder my thoughts and actions and responses to the things He was pointing out.

SO funny thing, Lionel and I have been living some sort of bad "IT" sitcom scenarios the past few months. We recently made the huge conversion from PC to Mac. And while we have very good reasons and all in all love the way a Mac performs, we have had every single problem you can think of with software, printers not working, web based programs not operational for 0ur jobs, the internet refusing to stay in Lionel's laptop memory, we have no clue why. Email will just stop sending, no reason, just will not go. I have spent hours loading, uninstalling, re-installing programs. Setting up and re-setting up. Our IT guy at work has done so much for us, we just keep a running tab now.
When my lovely 7 month old hard drive decided to crash a few weeks ago, well I was devastated. I took it really hard, I lost so much stuff. I was not backing up. And I took that pretty hard too. Because I should know better and it was a discipline thing you know. I felt like God was saying hey, you need to be more consistent in the care of your data. I received that, though I lamented for several days, when I got the laptop back I had so much recovery to do and this was causing me so much extra time and money. Uhg. But in the end it was all coming together.

Wednesday April 7, 4:15pm, Keller Williams Corvallis, red plastic cup, 1/2 full with diet Dr.pepper, lightly brushed my hand across the top knocking it with my knuckles sending it's contents streaming over my beautiful white keys. The technician at the Apple store said, "have a funeral." She retrieved my hard drive and tested it, it had survived. Apparently that is all that would be surviving. I sat in my car and the words came.

Kristen, it is only a computer, let it go, it is not part of you, not an extension of you, plastic and metal and parts to be thrown away, Kristen you are fine, move on from this.

Ok.

It took me 24 hours after that to hear God say, you do not have a relationship with your computer. Oh.

It is not that my feelings would be wrong to be disappointed and well there is the matter of cost. But for me it is more of why I have these unhealthy bonds. And it is really about what things take a place in my heart crowding out my Lord. Or what things are sending me messages contrary to what He is telling me.

So I am letting these bonds go. Cutting the ties and listening to the Lord for His words and truth about my life and health. Purging my heart of unnecessary affections.

New found freedom, once again, in my heart and mind.

Praying for my Mac to revive after a few days, I feel the permission from God to do so and heard stories that it could happen, but I am not counting on it, and at the present I am completely at peace with God's will in the matter.

The value of this lesson far out weighs any cost it may incur.

Vulnerable.

Most of the time I am an open book.

I tell on myself. It is why I love to write and blog. But I have had a hard time sharing recently. As I have started several posts the past week or so and not completed and published any of them I stopped today to ask myself the question, why?

And I had an answer, I just don't have the energy to be that vulnerable right now. Hmm.

See I am walking with the Lord through some very personal things, working had, crazy busy with my teenagers, working hard on my home, finances, taxes, health, disciplines, ministry, SO MUCH! Too much?

Maybe.

Yesterday God told me that I didn't know I would face...fill in the blank; He played a tape in my head of some hard things that I have walked through this past year. And He sweetly said to me, but I did, Kristen. And I have seen you through it.

And today, it is so much, as I journaled again His never ending love for me, His constant care and Heart for me, His attention to detail, His hand of healing, His leading in wisdom, His goodness in my friendships, I am just so UNDONE by Him.

"the King has brought me into His chambers" Song of Songs 1:4

He has invited me in, where it is sacred and intimate, safe and beautiful; in the Lord's inner chambers I feel seen, known, understood, free.

Thank you, Father...just...(whisper) thank you.

Featured Artisan: the Real Estate Pastor?!

Do you know Lionel Wilson? Some of you do. He is my very favorite Realtor, Minister, father, husband, and friend.
Today Pastor Rob was teaching from Proverbs chapter 11. A passage which is near and dear to my Realtor husbands heart. So much so in fact that for the past several years it has been his business message and mission. Be a giver, have integrity, encourage others, speak kindly and without hypocrisy, build relationships, win souls and walk wisely.

Around 2005 God had been teaching Lionel many good but hard life lessons. One thing that spilled over to every area of his life is valuing people above everything. "Lionel I have called you to ask those I put in your path, what can I do for you," spoke the Lord. In business that equates to people before paycheck. The Lord told Lionel that work would be his ministry and God would be his provision.

Since that time Lionel has set out to be a servant in Real Estate. His passion for people has made such a striking impact, in what can sometimes be an unpleasant industry, that many people have lovingly called him the Real Estate Pastor. We chuckle when we hear this, but really it is true. Lionel prays with and for those that he works with. He gives wisdom that he believes is from God and not just regulated by market trends. As a hard working man he of course is diligent in knowing the business of real estate because he believes God would not want him to be negligent in any area and he sets out to do his best for the Lord in every scenario.

I can not say enough how much I have learned from Lionel in business. Over twenty years he has worked in some areas of sales and marketing. Several years he was a pastor as well, the truth is, he gets people, and people have always been his business.

He that waters is watered himself. Proverbs 11:25


This is the quintessential verse in chapter 11. Give to others and yes you will be yourself so filled and completely satisfied in life. God has blessed Lionel in so many areas of his life and especially in business. He is grateful and amazed. When many people were complaining of the real estate market and the "shift" that has occurred the past three years, Lionel set out to have his best year ever. God had put it on his heart to do so. And closing out 2009, he did have his best year in real estate ever, more than doubling sales the previous year. God is, faithful and He did provide.

So Lionel faithfully presses on to continue to follow hard after God, shepherding the flock along the way, for now that flock comes in the means of Real Estate.

I am so proud to work for such an honest and passionate man, and blessed to be married to him!

Better than wine...

Sometimes I do not know how to tell my story because it is still unfolding.

I think of my life as not having a beginning or an end but as a constant and ever changing circle. Like the earth spinning round and round, some times in the brightness of the sun, other times in the darkness of night, that is me and that is what healing is like.

So much has happened in my heart, to tell it all would mean that I understood it all, and I don’t and there is still so much to be discovered. But as I move through each day there are these glimpses, you know these tiny moments when I am on the outside looking in getting a God size perspective of what He is doing in me and I am so undone. Because He loves me, oh how he loves me, can you hear that song playing in your head...I can.

I am journal-ing Song of Solomon, as a prayer to God. A friend recommended it to me. As I am His beloved and He is mine. I am on verse two and this is my response back to my Lord, my Love today:

Nothing is more valuable than Your love. Nothing is more precious, more costly, more fragrant and more tasty. You grow this love in me that is You. You planted Your love in my heart like a seed that is planted and grows to a vine. Your love blossoms in my heart and bears fruit like luscious grapes in the vineyard full of juice and ripe from the sun. Your love brings the fullness of satisfaction to my soul like the fullness of flavor in a timely opened luxurious wine, pleasant, earthy, warm, delicate, and fragrant.

Your love is better than wine.

He loves you too, tell Him today, that you love Him back,

Featured Artisan: tribute to a daughter

This girl is artsy! No doubt about it.

There are so many things I could say about my dear 17 year old daughter. From birth she has inspired beauty and art in our world and she keeps on astounding us with her gifts every single day.Bethany is one of those lovely, bright blue-eyed, rosy cheeked, full of expression, verbally robust, laugh out-loud, girly-classic-vintage styled teen age girls that could really have been born in any era.

She is timeless.

She is one of the most talented actors I have had the privileged of knowing my entire life and I have known and worked with many.Bethany has been part of over 30 shows and is a joy to watch on stage, truly in any roll. But theater being among her first loves, she more than just graces the stage, she costumes, crews, stage manages, and directs. All with the skill, gifts, and responsibility to match most adults.
If that were not enough to boast of, and that is plenty believe me, she is also one of the finest hand stitching crafters I have ever seen. She has a knack for intricate details and fine hand sewn work. She loves to make scarves, hats, embellished hair accessories, purses, bags, etc. She started crocheting at the age of seven and she can make pretty much anything. She started sewing when she was 13 and she is learning to become a fine seamstress.

She has written some of the best papers her teachers have read and she wrote me a song and sang it to me while playing guitar. She taught herself for my last Birthday, which is one of my favorite Bethany moments.

She taught herself guitar! Yes she is very self motivated and when any one comes around that plays guitar she grabs hers and has them teach her a thing or two. She loves to sing loudly. She is growing musically as it has not come as easily to her as acting, she works even harder at it.

She loves Jesus! This is for sure one of the things that has motivated and propelled her in life. She has served and ministered with college age students since she was seven. Using all of her gifts for the Lord has given her the blessing of being so gifted and accomplished at such a young age.
We are SO proud of the young woman she is becoming and excited to see all that God has for her. I recently shared with someone, she is like a force that none can reckon with, except for the Lord of course and in my heart He keeps telling me, just get out of the way Kristen, I am doing all this in Bethany, do not hold her back!

Art in business!

I love work, really I do.

And I get to do some awesome, amazing things in my job. I work with my husband, we have a Real Estate business, he is the REAL-TOR. Yes that was on purpose it's not REAL-IT-TOR. People get that confused. And I am the Marketer/designer/book keeper, etc.

But what I love is the design elements. Laying out our marketing pieces, creating an interesting website or virtual tour or playing with the photos.

We are just re-listing this amazing house and I was playing in photoshop with a new effect I learned called TRIPTYCH which I thought would be perfect for the postcard we will send out to the neighbors. And BTW, here is a great teacher online for easy photoshop tutorials.


Isn't that fun, one picture, three panel artwork! This gives me great ideas for some artwork in my home too.

I love that my work compliments my craving for art, design, and creativity. I love that every day I get to do things that inspire me. I get really excited when our clients and Lionel like what I have created. It is wonderful to get to use my gifts in our business, it is a gift to ME to find that I can have a job and LOVE it too.

I hope my dear readers, you love what you do too!

AH...DRAMA!

I should be doing a drama right now!

Shouldn’t I be?

For the past several years January through May has been an incredibly full, busy, exciting, inspiring and artistic time for my family and me.

I like the pouring over a script, holding auditions, seeking the Lord for vision, stopping in the grocery store to take note of an every day life happen stance that God has stirred me to ad to a scene, I even like lining up the details all nice and neat in my project time-line and assigning tasks to the leadership team, sick I know.

I love the hustle and bustle of our extreme schedule, rushing out the door with notebooks and props in hand, sitting for hours picking out music, set elements, sketching ideas, dreaming up art. Love it.

Last year we took a much-needed break from this routine. I was relieved because I was tired and frankly not inspired whatsoever. And I was content with the decision.

So when fall rolled around, I really began to think about the possibility of the next drama season. It seemed the right time; usually we know in the fall what the drama we will be starting in January will look like.

So my mind began dreaming, only there was just one drama really in my heart to do and that was a repeat of a beloved story form the book of Ruth, which I will share about in a separate post. But I have been writing this story into a novel and it lives inside me. The people, the colors, the very melody of the story breathed on each page sang to me in my dreams. So I was naturally drawn to do this drama again.

However, not sure that we were supposed to be doing a drama at all. But it was the right time to be thinking about it, my heart was stirred towards something, the leaders were all on board to do it, the Pastors gave the huge green light to go forward, my children were asking me please lets do another drama, I could see in full living color the new fresh look and scenes played out like a movie in my mind.

So what’s the deal Kristen?

The deal is I haven’t really heard from you Lord.

And do you want to hear from me, or are you going to go ahead with this on your own?

No. No way, stopped in my tracks by Pastor Rob’s words, “unless the Lord has not told you to do it, then you should not.” Did you Lord? Did you tell me to do it?

You could do this drama Kristen, but I have not asked you to.

Ok.

I had been so set on the...I should be doing a drama right now, it’s the right time, it’s what we do, we sat out a season that was good, we heard from the Lord on that, but I wasn’t stopping to say are you telling me to do this Lord. So when I did ask Him, He answered.

No. Ok Lord, I hear that. No. And with all the rush of a raging river peace flooded my soul. I had not realized until the moment that I surrendered it to Him; I really didn’t want to do one right now either.

I know there is still more dramas to come, but I am content too if I never get to stand before a stage shouting out directions or encouraging a cast. For now it is not what God has me doing and for now, I am so glad.

this do in rememberance of Me

The Healing arts: Communion

I am always amazed at the different ways I find God knows me, really knows me.

As I walk through this path of letting God heal my heart and life, there are these moments, I call them milestones, that God uses to set apart a truth, lesson, victory, or even correction. These milestones are like burned images in mind, tattoos so to speak, they are permanent.

This past week the bread and the cup have become just that. As I have been walking with Jesus through my day and really stumbling more than walking, but trying to keep my aligned "upward" balance with focus on Him, I heard the Lord ask me to pause and consider the bread and the cup.

Stop what you are doing right now Kristen. Don't miss this because I have something big for you.

My ears and spiritual eyes WIDE, I took stock of my actions and my thoughts, heart, posture towards God as I was about to partake of the elements. And then I was reminded of a principle I heard just the day before riding in the car, the speaker said we need tangible actions to match a spiritual directive in our life.

Hmm, intersting, the dots began to connect, hang in here with me, they will for you too.

Backing up a little, see I have purposed to all day everyday walk moment by moment with Jesus, living by His permission. Even for the simplest things. Because I have learned, I can not do this life even fifteen minutes of it on my own, or at least I don't want to because I tend to make a mess of things, then I am running to Jesus crying my eyes out asking Him to fix things. But instead my desire is to rely more and more on Him to keep me from those messes and mistakes.

So back to the bread and the cup. I clued in to what God was showing me. Every time I go to partake of the elements I truly ackowledge Jesus, I genuinely asses my sin, my motives, my heart, my attitudes. I wouldn't dare go forward drink the juice, eat the bread, pray the prayer with out having my heart rightly aligned with Him.

Ok, really getting it now Jesus.

And He in all His glorious knowledge of me, knew that I would need this tangible illustration to show me what He is asking me to do every day, on a moment by moment basis, genuinely before Him, keep the open heart and spirit, not allowing sin, temptations, busyness, life get in the way of that and thus allow my heart to shut down from Him.

It is the same action as if I were all day long going to partake of the bread and the cup, I am partaking of Jesus, over and over again spiritually, remembering to...remember Him in every aspect of my day. Keeping short accounts, taking every thought captive, letting Him guide me to do the God things rather than just good things. My dear friend Cindy calls this her dance with Jesus, or the fifteen minute plan, and I have to say she is the one who has inspired this in my life.

To practice the discipline of allowing my heart to be held captive by His Love, rather than be taken captive by anything else, is just truly walking free.

I am asking Jesus, to help me walk free, He is showing me how to do just that.

Featured Artisan: Sarah Nelson

Introducing the fabulous and amazing young design talent, Sarah Nelson!

She is most definitely "CREATIVE" in His image. But before I go on about that, I just have to say that I have been a part of this girls life for several years now and to know her is to know a pure and genuine heart for the Lord.

Sarah, recently married and embarking on adulthood, has blossomed quite stunningly into an extraordinary designer and life artist. Here is a young woman, wife, new home maker, college student, daughter, sister, and friend that is inspiring and motivating so many of us, not allowing her gifting from the Lord to lay dormant.

What has seriously stirred my heart to write this post is how naturally she has emerged into this new season. Though yes she has always loved fashion and been interested in artistry, this I believe is something more.

As I think about the Lord and how He is the ultimate creative being, and we are created in His image, I have come to believe that we bring Him the most glory through using the creativity He has given us. It is my firm belief that He desires to see this part of Himself gushing from all of our lives.

Sarah has tapped into that stream and it is flowing beautifully. She LIVES her art creating a masterful setting for Gods beauty in her every day surroundings. It is amazing to see the wonderful texture, colors, sheen's, sparkles, shapes, and elements that have so originated from God's creation, interlaced in Sarah's style.

Now I know we all do not have the same flare and eye as one as gifted as Sarah, but we ALL do have gifts and should be encouraged by her to use and share them as God directs. I know I have been. But don't take my word for it, you can find her lovely ideas and sweet spirited words on her blog Frills for Thrills.

I am so blessed to see this young girl totally put her self, her heart, her art, and her life out there for all of us to see. It takes some courage and a lot of love. And I for one really appreciate it! Thanks girl. We are all excited to see what God has planned for this amazing avenue in your life.

Have a great day readers, and share some ART in life today!
(photos borrowed from Sarah)