Can vs Should...

Recently a friend was retelling a story where he quoted his wife saying "can and should are two different things." That statement has so resonated with me.

Especially in the area of taking liberties and personal rights.

I'll explain using "desserts" for my example, though you can insert anything into the equation.

I can have desserts any time all the time if I like. But I am walking a journey, a path that really I mostly should not partake of desserts. I don't desire the calories or the sugar. My body does not need it and I am also walking through this by the Lords leading, so you could say at times dessert might even be sin to me. If when I partake I feel I am compromising something in my heart, then yes it is me sinning.

Now that may seem silly to some I mean seriously Kristen it's only chocolate cake. True.

But many days of chocolate cake have lead me to become something I do not want to be, in the past chocolate cake was my way of comfort, was self medicating. Chocolate cake in and of itself has no power at all over me, it is the reason I need or want the chocolate cake I must be absolutely aware of.

So I must ask the Lord what is the truth in my heart about cake? Do I love it that much? No. Do I need it? No. Is it a stumbler for others around me? Maybe, at times yes. Does it taste awesome amazing? yes. Does the Lord desire me to enjoy food? Yes, of course or He would have made us with out taste buds. Haha.

So my conclusion to all these questions, thoughts, heart stirrings: I can have cake but I should not always have cake.

Now personal rights...

Here is where God has landed my heart concerning personal rights. It is not even an issue of liberal verses conservative. It is an issue of laying down our personal rights. As Paul spoke of so many times. If we can take liberties we also don't always have to.

If the Lord has said to me that He has called me to minister and serve in a certain area then with that He has asked me to surrender some personal rights. It is simple. I lay it down not for law sake, but for serving sake. I have the right to make these choices absolutely, but If I feel I need control over those personal rights above the Lord having control over them, the issue is not about "cake" it is something more all together.

What is my great need to exercise this right? What about laying this right down makes me feel threatened or challenged. Shouldn't it be simple? I love the Lord more. He has asked, that settles it correct?

What if someone else asks? My husband? My Pastor? Another I am in ministry with or respect? Are they as important, are they less important than my personal right? These are the thoughts I ponder with the Lord and in the end between the Lord and my heart, He has settled me on this: the relationship is more important than exercising my personal right.

That settles it for me.

When we can get to a place in our hearts, and please know I am still working to get there, but a place where we truly know it is all the Lords anyways? Then it is easier to let go of things like, our time, our money, our sleep(yes that is a huge one for me), our food, our comforts, our style, our preferences, our gifts etc. None of these things are bad, please hear my heart in this- God certainly does bless us with all of these things and more. But keep them in His perspective and lay them down before Him and you will not feel robbed of any personal right, because you know in surrendering it-

God has our back.

He has our hearts in mind always, always.

He may be asking us to lay something down to assure our hearts, we love Him more.

It's good for me to know. He is better. He is way better than chocolate cake! Haha.

House of Charis

I recently had the blessing of spending the entire weekend with my girl's house, the House of Charis. It is a Christian women's house for college students that our church owns. My daughter Bethany is in her first year as a resident there.

I was so amazed by these young women. And honestly my faith was so stirred by them. They invited me to speak/share and I was so happy to have the opportunity. But I went away from the weekend enriched by them. They taught me. Here are a few ways I was encouraged by this weekend...

Young women truly loving one another.
Young women serving.
Young women worshiping.
Young women giving.
Young women encouraging.
Young women studying.
Young women blessing.
Young women praying.
Young women speaking words of health and life.
Young women laughing.
Young women with joy. Real joy.
Young women sharing.
Young women holding each other up.
Young women journaling.
Young women listening. Intently.
Young women willing to be vulnerable.
Young women seeking Jesus heart.
Young women searching their own hearts.
Young women being sisters.
Young women being friends.
Young women on the verge of becoming.
Young women being accountable.
Young women leaders.
Young women responsible.
Young women of God.

In a house of around 50, maybe 40+ were there with us. And it was beautiful.
These young women are beautiful and this is a powerful work of God.
Where women live in a season of life that is often times demanding, challenging, confusing, tempting, soul searching, these women have chosen to live beautifully in the arms of Charis(GRACE).
Literally in each others arms.
In Jesus arms.

Girls, thank you for sharing this with me.

No more time lost

I had a moment of grief the other day.
A wave come over me and swallowed my joy, my peace.
Tears welled up.
Why had I lost so my much time?!
I felt the anger too.
Truth is I know I am healed today.
I am strong and vibrant and loving and full of life.
I am a better version of myself.
And I felt indignation over the contrast of my former self.
What had been stolen from me, robbed, destroyed was not only my innocence but for many years the person I would have become had been taken too.
I cried.
I wept over the loss of that person.
And I let myself grieve for the moment.
I let the fullness of the pain seep deep into my soul.
Stillness.
I look up.
A posture to force my inner eyes to look up as well.
He is there, of course he is there waiting.
And my heart lifts as I search the face of Jesus.
And I don't feel but I know somehow that He caresses me.
I know that He takes my heart in His hands and says it is ok.
I know that His dying love for me has let me see what He has done for me today.
And I know it is enough.
I am enough.
I am who He has made me to be today.
I let my heart turn to gratefulness.
I let my grief be shifted by His grace.
I let Him love me.
I love Him.
I am the miracle.
No more time lost.

A Real Marriage.

A few weeks ago I ran across a video series by a pastor in Seattle titled Real Marriage.

I had time and thought why not listen. The title of the first message was "New Marriage, Same Spouse," which really caught my attention. As I listened I was pleasantly surprised by the straight forward talk, honesty, confession, and practical help. Not to mention the biblical based priciples.

The Pastor and his wife take time to share their own mistakes what they have learned and discovered the hard way. I was so encouraged I thought well I can not wait to listen to the next week. My husband and I made a date of it. We cuddled on the couch to hear the second message titled "Friend With Benefits." Again, pleasantly surprised. It was like this message was speaking our language.

Lionel and I married so young, VERY young. One thing we have said all these 23 years is that we are best friends and truly we are. And I have told my friends and kids over and over, many days I do not feel like being a wife, but I ALWAYS feel like being with my best friend. And as we watched the video I found such encouragement by the same message in their marriage. They had struggled to be friends but found their way to friendship thus strengthening their marriage.

Marriage IS friendship! I will share further on that but for now...watch the series.

I am reading the book too! Wonderful insight. More on that to come as well.I am so grateful for sermons and helps with the most basics of necessities in our life that inspire us to victory and that are so contrary to our culture.

God's first words concerning marriage..."It is not good for man to be alone."

I will leave you with this thought.

Blessings!