In Relationship.

We are relational beings by nature. It is what drives us or causes us to crave relationship with our heavenly Father.

Recently God revealed to me some "not-so-healthy" relationships. Inappropriate bonds that He was asking me to cut away from my heart. I was somewhat surprised at first, considering the objects of my affection and what He pointed out to me, well, it was a huge revelation.


The bathroom scale. I do not have a relationship with my scale. It can not tell me if the day is good or bad, I can not live and die by it.

The treadmill. It is not mocking me or judging me. It does not know or think anything if I walk three or five times a week on it and it does not know that I do another workout on alternate days, nor does it care.

Food. Is not my friend, can not comfort, calm, bring clarity, reduce stress, satisfy my heart, or change my circumstances in any way and the same is true for the lack of it.

Starbucks. Is just a corporation. It does not feel badly when I pass one by. It is not betrayed if I enjoy coffee from another establishment. It does not love me back.
My computer, and this one is a big deal. I could really see and partly knew I had somewhat strange affections for the previous mentioned. I have often said "I really get stuck on things," or thought I am just incredibly loyal. But as the Lord revealed these things over the past week, He did not bring up my computer right away, but rather let me ponder my thoughts and actions and responses to the things He was pointing out.

SO funny thing, Lionel and I have been living some sort of bad "IT" sitcom scenarios the past few months. We recently made the huge conversion from PC to Mac. And while we have very good reasons and all in all love the way a Mac performs, we have had every single problem you can think of with software, printers not working, web based programs not operational for 0ur jobs, the internet refusing to stay in Lionel's laptop memory, we have no clue why. Email will just stop sending, no reason, just will not go. I have spent hours loading, uninstalling, re-installing programs. Setting up and re-setting up. Our IT guy at work has done so much for us, we just keep a running tab now.
When my lovely 7 month old hard drive decided to crash a few weeks ago, well I was devastated. I took it really hard, I lost so much stuff. I was not backing up. And I took that pretty hard too. Because I should know better and it was a discipline thing you know. I felt like God was saying hey, you need to be more consistent in the care of your data. I received that, though I lamented for several days, when I got the laptop back I had so much recovery to do and this was causing me so much extra time and money. Uhg. But in the end it was all coming together.

Wednesday April 7, 4:15pm, Keller Williams Corvallis, red plastic cup, 1/2 full with diet Dr.pepper, lightly brushed my hand across the top knocking it with my knuckles sending it's contents streaming over my beautiful white keys. The technician at the Apple store said, "have a funeral." She retrieved my hard drive and tested it, it had survived. Apparently that is all that would be surviving. I sat in my car and the words came.

Kristen, it is only a computer, let it go, it is not part of you, not an extension of you, plastic and metal and parts to be thrown away, Kristen you are fine, move on from this.

Ok.

It took me 24 hours after that to hear God say, you do not have a relationship with your computer. Oh.

It is not that my feelings would be wrong to be disappointed and well there is the matter of cost. But for me it is more of why I have these unhealthy bonds. And it is really about what things take a place in my heart crowding out my Lord. Or what things are sending me messages contrary to what He is telling me.

So I am letting these bonds go. Cutting the ties and listening to the Lord for His words and truth about my life and health. Purging my heart of unnecessary affections.

New found freedom, once again, in my heart and mind.

Praying for my Mac to revive after a few days, I feel the permission from God to do so and heard stories that it could happen, but I am not counting on it, and at the present I am completely at peace with God's will in the matter.

The value of this lesson far out weighs any cost it may incur.