Raising Men.

Three sons, 20, 19, and 18.

As a mother I have loved every minute of having boys. I have always called them my little men, but it wasn't until the last few years that I really had a clear perspective of that.

A few years back my eldest was becoming a Pastor at the same time suffering heartache, my second son had been in two very expensive accidents costing his hard working self dearly, and my third son had almost died in an extremely harrowing car accident. Literally should have died, God spared him. As I struggled through the intensity of the seasons they were all in, the onset of waves of discouragement and fear that I was suffering at the time felt something a kin to an elephant sitting on my chest. I would ride to work with Lionel and say, it just aches in my chest. And he would remind me to breathe. It was often hard to find air.

A wise and godly friend was listening one particular day at work and she looked straight into my teary eyes and said, "Kristen you are not raising boys, you are raising men." It stopped my thoughts, yes screaming halt.

I was intent on her every word as she continued, "you have no idea what things God will use to bring them to manhood, but you mom do not want to hinder that." Hmm, no I don't.

I began asking the Lord about that, what I already believed to be true. He said to me...

Yes Kristen, let them go.

Now mind you Caleb was barely yet 16. I wasn't cutting him loose from parenting then, but I understood what God was saying, because in my heart I already saw the process unfolding. They were breaking away from us, from their mom, little by little. Only it had begun years ago. When they stopped jumping into my lap, or giving me kisses in front of their friends, or asking for a million stories at bed time, or wanting to be home just to play with their dad and me.

So my prayers changed dramatically. As they continued to rapidly catapult into adulthood several things were happening simultaneously.

I began to count down the days we likely had left for them in our home and thus frequent influence.
They began to question things more and more.
Spiritual attack reared it's ugly head over and over.
I felt less like a parent and more like a warden.
The truth hurt, we spoke the truth to them and their words back to us, though true stung too.
I realized they thought they needed me less and less.
They needed to make mistakes, hey when you think you know everything a few grand mistakes is enough to remind you that maybe you don't.
They increased in their desire for the extreme.
Life experiences became the utmost priority.
Wrestling through ideas and thoughts with anyone and everyone God included, now eminent.
They valued anyone who took them seriously, ignored everyone who did not.
Started referring to particular adults more like peers.
Trust and respect was not given as easily nor taken for granted.
No longer talked in we, us, and family, more I, me, and individualized statements.
No loner took my word for things.
Disagreed with our parenting per their years of experience being parented.

I am sure there are many more that I have not discovered. But while I ponder and still witness the transformations, I also am in complete awe of God.

He knows what He is doing, and He has instilled in our men a natural process from childhood to manhood, a passage of struggle if you will that to many appears more like crisis than development. But to which God has assured me is all in His care and part of His plan for them.

My perspective of God has changed through this process as He has given me such reassurances over my own son's hard times and conflicting ideals.

God is trust worthy. As I know that He is in them and there has been plenty fruit to that confirmation, He has the ability to parent them from the inside out.

He is able to bare all of their struggles and even their sin, this one is huge for me, as I of course am so unable to bare it. My heart ache alone for them is proof enough for me.

He reminds me daily that this, this season, this struggle, this growing, this breaking away, this confusion at times, even this pain, this is what He came for.

And this truth...one day standing in worship, front row, second seat in, knees shaking, heart pounding, hands trembling with grief over the latest blow, the song was playing ..."I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross..." God spoke to me.

Kristen, you'll never know how much it cost to see my SON upon that cross.

Oh Lord. No. No I would never have to suffer that pain. He did, so I would not. He understood more than I knew the heart ache of a parent. But He also understood more than I knew, every single thing He would allow across my amazing young Men's lives and He was worthy to trust with all of it.

So I am learning as I go here. Making so many mistakes along the way and God has told me He calculated those too. (He's so got my back!) And I am parenting in Faith and discovering what it means to parent adult children. It is likely the hardest season of parenting we have faced to date.

It is also the most exciting, most rewarding, most engaging and thought provoking time of our parental lives. We have been blessed with young Men that know, fully believe in, and trust God. How they walk with Him, what they believe about Him, where they find the strength to stand alone with Him without their parents, well this is between them and God.

We are still a part of this picture, our role has just transitioned to more fervent prayer warriors, counsel and advisers, teachers when asked, exhortation when welcomed, helpers when needed, only we are not the ones who get to initiate any of this, except for the prayer.

I am so proud of my boys, excuse me Men. I can not help it, they are so gifted, smart, strong, compassionate, loving, responsible, and loyal. It does not surprise me as these qualities are why I love their father so much.

And we have been blessed, to have God along side us as parents, He allowed us to fill up their cups overflowing with love, and show them that He was the one who filled ours. Now we get to see them let God fill them on their own.

There can be no greater joy.

In Relationship.

We are relational beings by nature. It is what drives us or causes us to crave relationship with our heavenly Father.

Recently God revealed to me some "not-so-healthy" relationships. Inappropriate bonds that He was asking me to cut away from my heart. I was somewhat surprised at first, considering the objects of my affection and what He pointed out to me, well, it was a huge revelation.


The bathroom scale. I do not have a relationship with my scale. It can not tell me if the day is good or bad, I can not live and die by it.

The treadmill. It is not mocking me or judging me. It does not know or think anything if I walk three or five times a week on it and it does not know that I do another workout on alternate days, nor does it care.

Food. Is not my friend, can not comfort, calm, bring clarity, reduce stress, satisfy my heart, or change my circumstances in any way and the same is true for the lack of it.

Starbucks. Is just a corporation. It does not feel badly when I pass one by. It is not betrayed if I enjoy coffee from another establishment. It does not love me back.
My computer, and this one is a big deal. I could really see and partly knew I had somewhat strange affections for the previous mentioned. I have often said "I really get stuck on things," or thought I am just incredibly loyal. But as the Lord revealed these things over the past week, He did not bring up my computer right away, but rather let me ponder my thoughts and actions and responses to the things He was pointing out.

SO funny thing, Lionel and I have been living some sort of bad "IT" sitcom scenarios the past few months. We recently made the huge conversion from PC to Mac. And while we have very good reasons and all in all love the way a Mac performs, we have had every single problem you can think of with software, printers not working, web based programs not operational for 0ur jobs, the internet refusing to stay in Lionel's laptop memory, we have no clue why. Email will just stop sending, no reason, just will not go. I have spent hours loading, uninstalling, re-installing programs. Setting up and re-setting up. Our IT guy at work has done so much for us, we just keep a running tab now.
When my lovely 7 month old hard drive decided to crash a few weeks ago, well I was devastated. I took it really hard, I lost so much stuff. I was not backing up. And I took that pretty hard too. Because I should know better and it was a discipline thing you know. I felt like God was saying hey, you need to be more consistent in the care of your data. I received that, though I lamented for several days, when I got the laptop back I had so much recovery to do and this was causing me so much extra time and money. Uhg. But in the end it was all coming together.

Wednesday April 7, 4:15pm, Keller Williams Corvallis, red plastic cup, 1/2 full with diet Dr.pepper, lightly brushed my hand across the top knocking it with my knuckles sending it's contents streaming over my beautiful white keys. The technician at the Apple store said, "have a funeral." She retrieved my hard drive and tested it, it had survived. Apparently that is all that would be surviving. I sat in my car and the words came.

Kristen, it is only a computer, let it go, it is not part of you, not an extension of you, plastic and metal and parts to be thrown away, Kristen you are fine, move on from this.

Ok.

It took me 24 hours after that to hear God say, you do not have a relationship with your computer. Oh.

It is not that my feelings would be wrong to be disappointed and well there is the matter of cost. But for me it is more of why I have these unhealthy bonds. And it is really about what things take a place in my heart crowding out my Lord. Or what things are sending me messages contrary to what He is telling me.

So I am letting these bonds go. Cutting the ties and listening to the Lord for His words and truth about my life and health. Purging my heart of unnecessary affections.

New found freedom, once again, in my heart and mind.

Praying for my Mac to revive after a few days, I feel the permission from God to do so and heard stories that it could happen, but I am not counting on it, and at the present I am completely at peace with God's will in the matter.

The value of this lesson far out weighs any cost it may incur.

Vulnerable.

Most of the time I am an open book.

I tell on myself. It is why I love to write and blog. But I have had a hard time sharing recently. As I have started several posts the past week or so and not completed and published any of them I stopped today to ask myself the question, why?

And I had an answer, I just don't have the energy to be that vulnerable right now. Hmm.

See I am walking with the Lord through some very personal things, working had, crazy busy with my teenagers, working hard on my home, finances, taxes, health, disciplines, ministry, SO MUCH! Too much?

Maybe.

Yesterday God told me that I didn't know I would face...fill in the blank; He played a tape in my head of some hard things that I have walked through this past year. And He sweetly said to me, but I did, Kristen. And I have seen you through it.

And today, it is so much, as I journaled again His never ending love for me, His constant care and Heart for me, His attention to detail, His hand of healing, His leading in wisdom, His goodness in my friendships, I am just so UNDONE by Him.

"the King has brought me into His chambers" Song of Songs 1:4

He has invited me in, where it is sacred and intimate, safe and beautiful; in the Lord's inner chambers I feel seen, known, understood, free.

Thank you, Father...just...(whisper) thank you.

Featured Artisan: the Real Estate Pastor?!

Do you know Lionel Wilson? Some of you do. He is my very favorite Realtor, Minister, father, husband, and friend.
Today Pastor Rob was teaching from Proverbs chapter 11. A passage which is near and dear to my Realtor husbands heart. So much so in fact that for the past several years it has been his business message and mission. Be a giver, have integrity, encourage others, speak kindly and without hypocrisy, build relationships, win souls and walk wisely.

Around 2005 God had been teaching Lionel many good but hard life lessons. One thing that spilled over to every area of his life is valuing people above everything. "Lionel I have called you to ask those I put in your path, what can I do for you," spoke the Lord. In business that equates to people before paycheck. The Lord told Lionel that work would be his ministry and God would be his provision.

Since that time Lionel has set out to be a servant in Real Estate. His passion for people has made such a striking impact, in what can sometimes be an unpleasant industry, that many people have lovingly called him the Real Estate Pastor. We chuckle when we hear this, but really it is true. Lionel prays with and for those that he works with. He gives wisdom that he believes is from God and not just regulated by market trends. As a hard working man he of course is diligent in knowing the business of real estate because he believes God would not want him to be negligent in any area and he sets out to do his best for the Lord in every scenario.

I can not say enough how much I have learned from Lionel in business. Over twenty years he has worked in some areas of sales and marketing. Several years he was a pastor as well, the truth is, he gets people, and people have always been his business.

He that waters is watered himself. Proverbs 11:25


This is the quintessential verse in chapter 11. Give to others and yes you will be yourself so filled and completely satisfied in life. God has blessed Lionel in so many areas of his life and especially in business. He is grateful and amazed. When many people were complaining of the real estate market and the "shift" that has occurred the past three years, Lionel set out to have his best year ever. God had put it on his heart to do so. And closing out 2009, he did have his best year in real estate ever, more than doubling sales the previous year. God is, faithful and He did provide.

So Lionel faithfully presses on to continue to follow hard after God, shepherding the flock along the way, for now that flock comes in the means of Real Estate.

I am so proud to work for such an honest and passionate man, and blessed to be married to him!

Better than wine...

Sometimes I do not know how to tell my story because it is still unfolding.

I think of my life as not having a beginning or an end but as a constant and ever changing circle. Like the earth spinning round and round, some times in the brightness of the sun, other times in the darkness of night, that is me and that is what healing is like.

So much has happened in my heart, to tell it all would mean that I understood it all, and I don’t and there is still so much to be discovered. But as I move through each day there are these glimpses, you know these tiny moments when I am on the outside looking in getting a God size perspective of what He is doing in me and I am so undone. Because He loves me, oh how he loves me, can you hear that song playing in your head...I can.

I am journal-ing Song of Solomon, as a prayer to God. A friend recommended it to me. As I am His beloved and He is mine. I am on verse two and this is my response back to my Lord, my Love today:

Nothing is more valuable than Your love. Nothing is more precious, more costly, more fragrant and more tasty. You grow this love in me that is You. You planted Your love in my heart like a seed that is planted and grows to a vine. Your love blossoms in my heart and bears fruit like luscious grapes in the vineyard full of juice and ripe from the sun. Your love brings the fullness of satisfaction to my soul like the fullness of flavor in a timely opened luxurious wine, pleasant, earthy, warm, delicate, and fragrant.

Your love is better than wine.

He loves you too, tell Him today, that you love Him back,

Featured Artisan: tribute to a daughter

This girl is artsy! No doubt about it.

There are so many things I could say about my dear 17 year old daughter. From birth she has inspired beauty and art in our world and she keeps on astounding us with her gifts every single day.Bethany is one of those lovely, bright blue-eyed, rosy cheeked, full of expression, verbally robust, laugh out-loud, girly-classic-vintage styled teen age girls that could really have been born in any era.

She is timeless.

She is one of the most talented actors I have had the privileged of knowing my entire life and I have known and worked with many.Bethany has been part of over 30 shows and is a joy to watch on stage, truly in any roll. But theater being among her first loves, she more than just graces the stage, she costumes, crews, stage manages, and directs. All with the skill, gifts, and responsibility to match most adults.
If that were not enough to boast of, and that is plenty believe me, she is also one of the finest hand stitching crafters I have ever seen. She has a knack for intricate details and fine hand sewn work. She loves to make scarves, hats, embellished hair accessories, purses, bags, etc. She started crocheting at the age of seven and she can make pretty much anything. She started sewing when she was 13 and she is learning to become a fine seamstress.

She has written some of the best papers her teachers have read and she wrote me a song and sang it to me while playing guitar. She taught herself for my last Birthday, which is one of my favorite Bethany moments.

She taught herself guitar! Yes she is very self motivated and when any one comes around that plays guitar she grabs hers and has them teach her a thing or two. She loves to sing loudly. She is growing musically as it has not come as easily to her as acting, she works even harder at it.

She loves Jesus! This is for sure one of the things that has motivated and propelled her in life. She has served and ministered with college age students since she was seven. Using all of her gifts for the Lord has given her the blessing of being so gifted and accomplished at such a young age.
We are SO proud of the young woman she is becoming and excited to see all that God has for her. I recently shared with someone, she is like a force that none can reckon with, except for the Lord of course and in my heart He keeps telling me, just get out of the way Kristen, I am doing all this in Bethany, do not hold her back!

Art in business!

I love work, really I do.

And I get to do some awesome, amazing things in my job. I work with my husband, we have a Real Estate business, he is the REAL-TOR. Yes that was on purpose it's not REAL-IT-TOR. People get that confused. And I am the Marketer/designer/book keeper, etc.

But what I love is the design elements. Laying out our marketing pieces, creating an interesting website or virtual tour or playing with the photos.

We are just re-listing this amazing house and I was playing in photoshop with a new effect I learned called TRIPTYCH which I thought would be perfect for the postcard we will send out to the neighbors. And BTW, here is a great teacher online for easy photoshop tutorials.


Isn't that fun, one picture, three panel artwork! This gives me great ideas for some artwork in my home too.

I love that my work compliments my craving for art, design, and creativity. I love that every day I get to do things that inspire me. I get really excited when our clients and Lionel like what I have created. It is wonderful to get to use my gifts in our business, it is a gift to ME to find that I can have a job and LOVE it too.

I hope my dear readers, you love what you do too!

AH...DRAMA!

I should be doing a drama right now!

Shouldn’t I be?

For the past several years January through May has been an incredibly full, busy, exciting, inspiring and artistic time for my family and me.

I like the pouring over a script, holding auditions, seeking the Lord for vision, stopping in the grocery store to take note of an every day life happen stance that God has stirred me to ad to a scene, I even like lining up the details all nice and neat in my project time-line and assigning tasks to the leadership team, sick I know.

I love the hustle and bustle of our extreme schedule, rushing out the door with notebooks and props in hand, sitting for hours picking out music, set elements, sketching ideas, dreaming up art. Love it.

Last year we took a much-needed break from this routine. I was relieved because I was tired and frankly not inspired whatsoever. And I was content with the decision.

So when fall rolled around, I really began to think about the possibility of the next drama season. It seemed the right time; usually we know in the fall what the drama we will be starting in January will look like.

So my mind began dreaming, only there was just one drama really in my heart to do and that was a repeat of a beloved story form the book of Ruth, which I will share about in a separate post. But I have been writing this story into a novel and it lives inside me. The people, the colors, the very melody of the story breathed on each page sang to me in my dreams. So I was naturally drawn to do this drama again.

However, not sure that we were supposed to be doing a drama at all. But it was the right time to be thinking about it, my heart was stirred towards something, the leaders were all on board to do it, the Pastors gave the huge green light to go forward, my children were asking me please lets do another drama, I could see in full living color the new fresh look and scenes played out like a movie in my mind.

So what’s the deal Kristen?

The deal is I haven’t really heard from you Lord.

And do you want to hear from me, or are you going to go ahead with this on your own?

No. No way, stopped in my tracks by Pastor Rob’s words, “unless the Lord has not told you to do it, then you should not.” Did you Lord? Did you tell me to do it?

You could do this drama Kristen, but I have not asked you to.

Ok.

I had been so set on the...I should be doing a drama right now, it’s the right time, it’s what we do, we sat out a season that was good, we heard from the Lord on that, but I wasn’t stopping to say are you telling me to do this Lord. So when I did ask Him, He answered.

No. Ok Lord, I hear that. No. And with all the rush of a raging river peace flooded my soul. I had not realized until the moment that I surrendered it to Him; I really didn’t want to do one right now either.

I know there is still more dramas to come, but I am content too if I never get to stand before a stage shouting out directions or encouraging a cast. For now it is not what God has me doing and for now, I am so glad.

this do in rememberance of Me

The Healing arts: Communion

I am always amazed at the different ways I find God knows me, really knows me.

As I walk through this path of letting God heal my heart and life, there are these moments, I call them milestones, that God uses to set apart a truth, lesson, victory, or even correction. These milestones are like burned images in mind, tattoos so to speak, they are permanent.

This past week the bread and the cup have become just that. As I have been walking with Jesus through my day and really stumbling more than walking, but trying to keep my aligned "upward" balance with focus on Him, I heard the Lord ask me to pause and consider the bread and the cup.

Stop what you are doing right now Kristen. Don't miss this because I have something big for you.

My ears and spiritual eyes WIDE, I took stock of my actions and my thoughts, heart, posture towards God as I was about to partake of the elements. And then I was reminded of a principle I heard just the day before riding in the car, the speaker said we need tangible actions to match a spiritual directive in our life.

Hmm, intersting, the dots began to connect, hang in here with me, they will for you too.

Backing up a little, see I have purposed to all day everyday walk moment by moment with Jesus, living by His permission. Even for the simplest things. Because I have learned, I can not do this life even fifteen minutes of it on my own, or at least I don't want to because I tend to make a mess of things, then I am running to Jesus crying my eyes out asking Him to fix things. But instead my desire is to rely more and more on Him to keep me from those messes and mistakes.

So back to the bread and the cup. I clued in to what God was showing me. Every time I go to partake of the elements I truly ackowledge Jesus, I genuinely asses my sin, my motives, my heart, my attitudes. I wouldn't dare go forward drink the juice, eat the bread, pray the prayer with out having my heart rightly aligned with Him.

Ok, really getting it now Jesus.

And He in all His glorious knowledge of me, knew that I would need this tangible illustration to show me what He is asking me to do every day, on a moment by moment basis, genuinely before Him, keep the open heart and spirit, not allowing sin, temptations, busyness, life get in the way of that and thus allow my heart to shut down from Him.

It is the same action as if I were all day long going to partake of the bread and the cup, I am partaking of Jesus, over and over again spiritually, remembering to...remember Him in every aspect of my day. Keeping short accounts, taking every thought captive, letting Him guide me to do the God things rather than just good things. My dear friend Cindy calls this her dance with Jesus, or the fifteen minute plan, and I have to say she is the one who has inspired this in my life.

To practice the discipline of allowing my heart to be held captive by His Love, rather than be taken captive by anything else, is just truly walking free.

I am asking Jesus, to help me walk free, He is showing me how to do just that.

Featured Artisan: Sarah Nelson

Introducing the fabulous and amazing young design talent, Sarah Nelson!

She is most definitely "CREATIVE" in His image. But before I go on about that, I just have to say that I have been a part of this girls life for several years now and to know her is to know a pure and genuine heart for the Lord.

Sarah, recently married and embarking on adulthood, has blossomed quite stunningly into an extraordinary designer and life artist. Here is a young woman, wife, new home maker, college student, daughter, sister, and friend that is inspiring and motivating so many of us, not allowing her gifting from the Lord to lay dormant.

What has seriously stirred my heart to write this post is how naturally she has emerged into this new season. Though yes she has always loved fashion and been interested in artistry, this I believe is something more.

As I think about the Lord and how He is the ultimate creative being, and we are created in His image, I have come to believe that we bring Him the most glory through using the creativity He has given us. It is my firm belief that He desires to see this part of Himself gushing from all of our lives.

Sarah has tapped into that stream and it is flowing beautifully. She LIVES her art creating a masterful setting for Gods beauty in her every day surroundings. It is amazing to see the wonderful texture, colors, sheen's, sparkles, shapes, and elements that have so originated from God's creation, interlaced in Sarah's style.

Now I know we all do not have the same flare and eye as one as gifted as Sarah, but we ALL do have gifts and should be encouraged by her to use and share them as God directs. I know I have been. But don't take my word for it, you can find her lovely ideas and sweet spirited words on her blog Frills for Thrills.

I am so blessed to see this young girl totally put her self, her heart, her art, and her life out there for all of us to see. It takes some courage and a lot of love. And I for one really appreciate it! Thanks girl. We are all excited to see what God has planned for this amazing avenue in your life.

Have a great day readers, and share some ART in life today!
(photos borrowed from Sarah)