Sharing Art in Life

A Real Marriage.

2012-01-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I ran across a video series by a pastor in Seattle titled Real Marriage.

I had time and thought why not listen. The title of the first message was "New Marriage, Same Spouse," which really caught my attention. As I listened I was pleasantly surprised by the straight forward talk, honesty, confession, and practical help. Not to mention the biblical based priciples.

The Pastor and his wife take time to share their own mistakes what they have learned and discovered the hard way. I was so encouraged I thought well I can not wait to listen to the next week. My husband and I made a date of it. We cuddled on the couch to hear the second message titled "Friend With Benefits." Again, pleasantly surprised. It was like this message was speaking our language.

Lionel and I married so young, VERY young. One thing we have said all these 23 years is that we are best friends and truly we are. And I have told my friends and kids over and over, many days I do not feel like being a wife, but I ALWAYS feel like being with my best friend. And as we watched the video I found such encouragement by the same message in their marriage. They had struggled to be friends but found their way to friendship thus strengthening their marriage.

Marriage IS friendship! I will share further on that but for now...watch the series.

I am reading the book too! Wonderful insight. More on that to come as well.I am so grateful for sermons and helps with the most basics of necessities in our life that inspire us to victory and that are so contrary to our culture.

God's first words concerning marriage..."It is not good for man to be alone."

I will leave you with this thought.

Blessings!

Note to self...

2011-09-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just read a book review of this same title and it so stirred me that I deiced to borrow its theme.

As I write I am often so stirred to share what God has been teaching me or some intense story or impression of the heart I forget that I mainly am writing for myself. Really. So here goes.

Dear Self,

You are about to embark on a new season. Picking up a desire you thought you had long left in the past.

Dusting off the ideas and habits and skills of studious learning. Picking up sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks you set forth to walk the halls again of academia. Yet what are your new desires mixed with these revived ones?

To learn? No. That has been an ever present process of daily life. You love to learn and do that purposefully. To learn alone is not enough to set side time and money and thought and creativity.

To achieve? Possibly. Accomplishment is in and of itself so satisfying. And yet there is not an underlying sense of underachievement accelerating this journey.

What is driving this new endeavor? What has after 18 years, raising four children, finding success in the business world, knowing purpose through ministry, what brings this to the front and foremost of priority now?

Obedience. To walk worthy of the calling for which God has prepared for you. Simply doing the next thing He has for you. This is what drives, presses, this is the foremost desire to please and serve Jesus.

Self, you do not know what tomorrow will hold but you do have the hope and faith to follow after Him. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone, thing, the world namely, only represent God in the best way you know how, a life fully surrendered to Him living out His plans for you.

People are more important then papers. A's do not make you smart. And teachers do not rule the world God does.

So enjoy this. It will pass quickly. Take it all in every morsel and do not allow it to swallow you whole.

Blessings. K

Be at peace.

Enjoy this.

DO not let the tasks at hand consume you rather, be consumed by Him and trust Him to work out through you the tasks before you.

Visions of Jesus: My Story and Ephesians

2011-08-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Here is a part of my teaching from Ephesians chapter 2.

V4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,

But God. I love that. Because He loves you so much, His entire motive is love. In my heart this is the theme God has revealed possibly for my life. BUT GOD….Because of His love for which He loved me.

The amplified says because of His great and intense love that God has for you.

The message says: in order that He could satisfy His great and intense love…

Can you just think on that for a minute with me. It is satisfying to God to love on us with such a lavish gift of Jesus. We think about the cross and the sacrifice and the great extent to which the Father gave up His only son, but do we dream about that it brought great satisfaction to His heart because of His great need to pour out His love on us? Do you feel the warm anointing oil of the Spirit just pouring those truths over you?

V5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) While you were filthy and unredeemed not marked by Christ, in darkness, the message says He embraced you! Scooped you up into the loving arms of Jesus. He brought you from death to life in Christ Jesus! From death to life. You are made ALIVE? Do you believe that? DO you feel alive?

I love the visual there, being scooped up, embraced by the Father. God stirred on my heart a few times this week about my visions of Him. About our visions of Him. If you have not had a vision of Jesus I encourage you to ask Him for one. As I shared with Lionel and then a friend this week, I was seeing how the changes of my vision of Him paralleled my path of healing. At first I only ever saw the cross and it stirred and even broke my heart, but my heart was broken. Then I would always see myself as a pile under the cross and Him still on it. And I always thought that is fitting, I am a wounded pile on the floor in my heart. But as I walked through healing He gave me a new vision of Him bending town to kiss the top of my head grabbing my face sweetly like a Father to a little child, Showing me His great fathers love and this brought break through! Much healing as I did not know the loving touch of an earthly father. Then He gave me a vision of Him standing proud hands on His hips, smirking at me and laughing delighted at the time we were having together, and then He gave me a vision of Himself sitting on a throne, and He is even bigger than the throne and He’s leaning over looking at me expectantly, listening to me, leaning in to me. My really big God that can handle all that is in my heart He listens to me and He speaks back. My experience with Him was never meant to stay on the cross, you know because He did not stay at the cross, that is where I met Him, but I am being transformed into the likeness of His resurrection to walk in newness of life.

V6-7 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Don’t stay at the cross, raised to walk in newness of life, Jesus didn’t stay on the cross and He didn’t stay in the grave, be raised up with Him that is the transformed life, that is a life redeemed, renewed, restored,

rescued now He seats you at a place of Honor in heaven with Jesus. Can you just imagine that for a second, the arms of the Loving Father pulling you up into a warm loving embrace like a mother of father scooping up a child and sitting them next to Jesus, next to your loving care taker, life giver, brother, friend.

(7) this He did to show the unlimit-less measure of His free grace (amplified)

Listen to the full message here.

A peace of my heart: My story and Ephesians.

2011-08-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

As the Lord began walking me through the process of healing He had me camp out in Ephesians for a long season and began to stir my heart for the truths in this book to become active and alive in my life. Since that time, He has asked me to share this, in discipleship, at a retreat, and now to the women of my church. Which has been such a blessing to me and I have to say stirred even more healing in me. I am grateful for the opportunities He has given me and honored that He would use me like this. So I am sharing here as well. Below is a small section of this first session with the link if you are stirred to listen. I will be posting them all here.

Ephesians 1:18 the eyes of our understanding being enlightened…that you may know the HOPE, HIS CALLING, YOUR IDENTITY. (paraphrased by me.)

A few months ago my husband was meeting with a very highly regarded Christian man in our community. And the truth was this man’s heart has grown somewhat calloused with the lies of the enemy. SO in the process of God speaking through my husband, Lionel began to share some of my story. How I was abandoned by my real father, how my mother had six husbands and went from one abusive relationship to an even worse one, how I was sexually abused at a young age and how I lived very much of my adolescent years over exposed to sexuality, drug abuse, and alcoholic lifestyles.

But Lionel was telling this man of the powerful work of healing God has been doing in my life over the past 12+ years. And how God has radically changed me. And this man made a very profound statement and asked one of the best questions I have ever heard.

He said most Christians run from that kind of healing. I want to let that seep in a little, most Christians run from that kind of healing. You know he is right, healing is hard and even painful work.

And then He asked, why didn’t Kristen? Good question. Why didn’t I run from it, stay shut down, closed off, defeated. Why?

My precious husband gave the best answer I have ever heard, as he had observed this process in me over the years. He said it was the pursuit of God that kept her pressing in for more healing, not the pursuit of healing itself. He shared that each time God would walk me through a layer of healing, God would reveal a little more about Himself in the process and I became desperate to know Him more and more, and in turn He helped me trust Him to work through the painful things that would allow my heart to heal.

CS Lewis wrote: Your real new self will not come as you are looking for it, it will come when you are looking for Him. By His love we escape from ourselves into Him, and then into one another!

We have an assignment, to actively pursuit God.

AW Tozer The Pursuit of God: TO have found God and still to pursuit Him is the soul’s paradox of love.

I believe who we are and how we live, react, respond, walk, thrive, or fail, is directly related to what and who we perceive God to be and what and how we believe about His words. We do not live by what we know, we live by what we believe. Yes there is a difference. We live by what is in our heart.

The Psalmist said it, guard the heart with all diligence for out of flow the issues of life, not out of our minds and thoughts, out of our hearts.

Romans 10:9-10 explains that it is the heart that believes unto salvation

TOZER: In speaking thus I have one fear, that I might convince the mind before God has won the heart.

No matter who you are, what your going through, how you’ve sinned, who has hurt you, what your financial circumstance, what your past, present, or future is, the active radical pursuit of HIM, God, to know Him alone, will dramatically change it all.

Here the full story and insite from the book of Ephesians here.

Hearing from God. Does He provide?

2011-08-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am writing this quick post as thoughts keep rushing through my brain on a particular topic of making wise decisions with the Lord and specifically concerning His provision.

We live in a community of believers where there are SO many amazing opportunities to do things with the Lord and with the body of Christ. Many. Many. And so many of these are spendy.

So are all of them of the Lord? Sure.

Does God want me to do all of them? Absolutely not.

I've been hearing from a lot of young people lately, oh just do this or just do that, God will provide. Hmm, really? It certainly would feel good to me or my young adult children to get to do every single thing that is in front if us, it would feel great actually. But I am reminded of an old and wise saying "many things are good, but what is Gods best for me?"

My heart was struggling with this, SO I asked the Lord because I wanted to give my own kids wise words from the Lord. And He said to me simply this, every thing I speak to them to do I will provide for, everything they go outside of my plan for them and do on their own will be bondage to them. And then He said this, they can learn these lessons the hard way, or they can learn to hear from me now in all things and avoid a lot of heart ache. Lead them to hear from Me.

Wow. Ok Lord.

He will tell them. Not others. Not even me. And He is teaching them to hear His voice. Amazing. And He has plans for them that sometimes means they miss out on one amazing thing because God is doing other amazing things in their life.

Peace in my heart. It is a yes to God in our heart. Not a blanket yes to every cool thing that comes our way. Some times saying yes to following God means He says NO to some adventures that seem awesome to us. It's because He always has a plan. And if its a true desire of your heart He is saying NO to right now, it will be a matter of trusting Him for that in the future.

CAUTION!!! Do not put your self in the place of the Holy Spirit convincing someone they should do something that God has not spoke to them about. We can not speak for God to lead another only encourage them to seek Him and pray for them to hear.

Also for young people, learn His voice. Listen, take time to pray, learn to make wise decisions with Him, on your own.

Our Pastor Rob Verdeyen shared in his message concerning the apostle Paul's missionary journeys, that Paul had good plans for trips to reach the gentiles, yet they were not God's plans and God worked differently then Paul expected or even desired but every time it was way better(I am summarizing). It's SO good to surrender our own plans. And when we join God in what He is already moving and doing in our life, it is way better than we can even ask or think...Ephesians 3:20.

And this is not about a matter of lacking faith either. It takes as much faith to hear a No from God as it does a Yes. More so in fact because we mostly want to hear a yes. But either way the enemy is trying to thwart God's plans in our life. Satan will lie to you saying of course God wants this for you, why wouldn't He? but God does not call us to places of bondage. Ever.

SO to remain in His obedience and perfect plan, we must hear from Him. And what do we do if we do not hear? We wait. Yes, that's right. Sometimes He makes us wait. I personally know it is during the waiting times in my life that I have drawn into greater intimacy with the Lord. As the Lord revealed this to me He said, Kristen I love the waiting times with you, I love you pressing into Me, so close, waiting your every move for my word, this is how I am growing you Kristen.

I have a dear friend that just went to Israel for the 1st time and LOVED it! She tells me that I will get to go in God's right appointed time for me. I love her for that! I do not feel I am missing out on anything God has for me because I walk with the Lord and He instructs me what to do, where to go, how to spend my money.

And He has provided for everything in my life. Everything. And when I make a mistake, He lets me know and yet I still have the consequences of my actions and some of those have taken time to walk through. Lessons learned.

Does God perform amazing miracles and powerfully supply all our needs? Absolutley. Will He provide for all of our wants and desires? Not necessarily. A wise steward will not put to test the latter. Come to Him on His terms, not your own. Lay down your personal rights and you will be joyfully led by Him, what ever that may look like and where ever.

A good resource: for making wise financial decisions, Dave Ramsey.

Blessings!

The BBQ-Healing Ministry?

2011-06-29T21:16:00.001-07:00

When we came to Corvallis almost 12 years ago, Lionel and I were displaced Pastors.

We had been on staff full time at churches and were a little worn, burned out, chewed up, and bitter. I remember thinking when I moved here, I really do not want one single Christian friend. We started attending Calvary Corvallis our second Sunday in town and we liked the teaching and worship right away. But we had a goal every Sunday- get in and get out. As fast as we could. We would leave during the last song so we could quickly get through the children's ministry. We wanted to remain under the radar. So we did.

A little over a year attending Calvary we were healing, the good hearty Wordwas filling us and refreshing us and the worship was renewing our spirits little by little but something was missing. We did not know anyone and we were not serving. We actually discussed going to a smaller church.

One day our son Jeremiah with all his 9 year old wisdom said "Dad, we were closer to God when we were serving him."

Those words pierced out hearts.

We had been doing our parental "duty" keeping them in church regularly. But our children SO knew the difference. They had seen the passion in us as we ministered to teens, spoke at the nursing homes, evangelized our communities, planned with joy events, retreats, went to summer camps, they had lived it with us and they could tell, something was missing.
We were not ready to rush into the throws of full ministry however and no one knew us. So we joined the Barbeque ministry. This was the best thing for us. We could do it as a family. It was seasonal. It was not every week and we would get to meet a ton of people.

The very first meeting Gene Stokes was sharing his heart for the ministry and the laborers and he said "please feel free to let us know if you need a break or are getting burned out, we don't want anyone here serving and feeling that way." Lionel and I were shocked and encouraged by those words. It was so loving and so caring.

We left there pleased and dazed. We had just come from churches where you were back sliding if you stepped away from a ministry. We had recently been told we must not care about our kids souls if we were no longer in a particular denomination. And now we have permission to step away from flipping burgers? Really?

God began to unravel some things in us that day. He began to undo some of the hurts and poor into us His healthy heart for ministry and serving and fellowship and body life.

And the BBQ ministry was SO fun. We loved getting together with these people and going on Sundays and having people know our names and us theirs. It was a good beginning to build relationships, to begin serving again, and to heal.

No scheme of man...

2011-06-10T17:44:00.000-07:00

This line is stuck in my head for a few reasons.

Yesterday I was sinking in disappointment. Not good. The thing is I know how to battle the enemy. I am practiced at isolating thoughts, taking them captive and spitting them out while at the same time flooding my mind with truth. I am very disciplined in careful self dialogue and inner chatter. I really am.

But yesterday there were layers of disappointment. It was a mound. I felt grief for my kids, rejection and disappointment over scenarios in their life, I felt disappointment from my husband which was not his fault but still very present. I felt disappointment from the Lord, ultimately that is where it all stemmed from. Did you let me down God?
And my usual efforts were not enough. Maybe I was tired, drained, emotional, etc. I soaked in the word, worshiped, listened to messages, read my books, journaled, prayed. Nothing was breaking through.

About 10:45 last night I had a conversation with a dear friend and told her she needed rest. Wait, what? I needed rest. It was late. I was tired and my heart had been feeling hurt all day. At this point the only thing that was going to set my heart straight was rest.

I went to bed and prayed then slept.

This morning I woke refreshed with a heart at peace. Not sure that any thing had changed, but I had changed. My heart was well and as my body and mind had rested, my spirit was renewed by God. Yeah, He does that, while we sleep sometimes especially when we ask Him too.

None of my own plans or schemes were working. None of my families either as their circumstance are all in Gods control.

And today God intervened in some mighty ways on LJ's behalf, getting him through some difficult things. Once again showing him that only He God can put him LJ in the places he is going.

Thank you Lord that you can bear my disappointments, refresh my hurting heart, and you still work and move even when I do not believe you are.

Whats For Dinner? CAKE!!!

2011-05-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

I recently have found a new obsession. Cake.

Not eating it mind you, though I do love to eat cake. But making them! It all started with the Cake Boss. We have netflix and i look for fun clean shows to watch while cleaning, doing little projects, scrapbooking, etc. Well I started watching Buddy and the gang on this show and I was hooked. I had to try Fondant! It was just killing me.

Well my girl was having her 18th birthday party and it was going to be kind of a big deal to me and Lionel. Because we kind of make a big deal out of her, please do not scold us. Anyways, I did not want to just dive right in and make hers first so I decided a test cake was in order! But first I researched the web.

Love youtube for how-to's and what not to's. I ordered from Amazon, the cheapest tools in the world by the way, Amazon rocks! And there I was all set to do my first cake. Oh it was SO exciting. I think it was combining my love for art and design with my love for food that really sent me over the top. Anyways I started in layers. Bake the cakes. Get them in the fridge chilling a few days. Make home made frosting and then get the cakes out, level them, dirty ice them(crumb ice). Then chill a few more hours, then ice again, chill a few more hours. I could hardly wait to roll out the Fondant!

I got all set up and proceeded to follow each step to the letter. And in less time than I would have guessed, it was a thing of beauty!

Love at first fondant! And that's all it took. that first cake, now I am addicted to cake sites, recipes, styles, and practicing for any reason at all!

Next I will show my most recent cakereations!

Joy. Comes. Full. Circle.

2011-05-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

The sand on my feet. The breeze off the water. The smell of wet clothes, hair and sand wafting. The sounds of God's children singing, praying, crying, and rejoicing. The stirring of Jesus in hearts. Tears streaming down my face. This is the flavor of baptism.Hand and hand believers rush to the waterside with obedience in their hearts and a yes on their face. Loved one bringing loved one to the place of not just knowing Jesus but following Jesus. Ministers there greet, hug, shake hands, strengthen, and serve the brethren in this first step of faith.

I look on as I am overwhelmed by the number of Gods people in full surrender. Yet my heart is full for another reason, a mother's heart spilling over. God is faithful. And He has come thru yet again.

The sight of inexpressible and yet uncontainable joy beaming from my sons face. In the rays of the sunlight reflecting off the water LJ shines brighter for the purity and freedom of the love of Jesus that flows from him.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL Calvary Baptism 4/30/11

Redeemed, restored, renewed.

LJ ministers baptism over and over as the waves break over his knees and the wind carries the sent of salt, he prays and cries and loves strangers now turned friends, brethren, family.

A vision of a few years previous. Much the same circumstance, middle school-ers coming forward, one at a time, LJ's face beaming with joy, the last time I saw him that happy. The last time I saw joy in his eyes and sincere love flowing easily from his face.

Lake Bradley Middle School Camp 8/2008

Now he stands, not stained, not burdened, not shamed, not bitter, but free. In Joy, that has come as God promised on this morning as light has dawned in this end of a darkened sason for him and joy has come on this baptism morning. Full. Circle.

Jesus, thank you.

Some Lentil Love!

2011-04-20T18:55:00.001-07:00

What's for dinner? Morrocan Lentil Stew.

(how much do I love my iphone Hipstamatic? Tons!)

Oh so excited about this meal! This is about to become one of my all time favorites. The simplicity is that it's 15 minutes of prep, cooks all day in the crock pot and you come home to the most glorious smells wafting through the house greeting you at the door. I was seriously drooling by the time I got to the pot to stir and check the meat, AH! So perfect.

Ok here is the recipe which is a mox of several I have seen and please feel free to embellish, I did!

1 bag green lentils (there are different colors)
1 small roast or bone/hamhock (I love a small roast, beef, lamp, pork, etc.)
2 or 3 chopped carrots
1/2 chopped onion (I like purple but use your fav)
2 cans diced or whole tomato
1/2 a head of garlic pressed or tons of garlic powder
1 tbls basil or Italian seasoning
1 tsp dried parsely
1 tbls salt
1 tbls black pepper (yes a lot)
1 tbls chili powder
1 tsp cummin
1 tsp thyme
1/2 c Worcestershire sauce
1/4 c lemon juice
1 can chicken broth
3 cans water

Ok, so these measurements on the spices are give and take. I am not an exact measure-er type of person, so be sensible and omit what you do not like. Also red potatoes are good in this, I was out. If you want it more like a soup, add more water. Rice wine vinegar would be good instead of the Worcestershire as well. Rinse and sort the lentils like the bag says but no pre-soaking. Brown your roast if you use roast, then throw it all in the crock pot, cook on low for 10 hours, not kidding.

We ate it with rice crackers to keep it gluten free and a garnish of Mediterranean hummus. Yummy.

Bon Appetit!

Attention Deficit Cooking Disorder = ADCD

2011-04-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I am recovering from this. This is a post or series, hmm we will have to see about that, about my cooking journey.

First off let me say I in no way whatsoever have any type of attentive, attention, deficit, hyperactivity disorders or the likes of which. Nor do I poke fun at these. However when it comes to cooking, that is an entirely different matter altogether.

Here are a few thoughts about my past cooking philosophies...
You know you have ADCD if you frequently serve cereal or ice cream for dinner, or secretly want to.
You know you have ADCD if you try to get out of cooking as much as possible reasoning that you have a lifetime of meals to prepare, you are simply pacing yourself.
You know you have ADCD when you eat breakfast for dinner more than twice a week,
You know you have ADCD when you know where all the good dollar, $5, and buy one get one free restaurant deals are.
You know you have ADCD when the most important element of any recipe is preparation time.
You know you have ADCD when after sampling at Costco you wonder if that can count for dinner.
You know you have ADCD if you dread a trip to the grocery store like you dread a trip to the dentist.
And finally you know you have ADCD when your six year old requests a fend for yourself night as her birthday dinner!

I know, sad. But some of you relate, I know you do. And it's not that I couldn't or didn't ever cook. I did cook plenty. And it's not that my food tasted bad, my kids thought I was wonderful cook but now they know the difference for sure :) but I just really didn't love it.

However I have changed, I am recovered. Over the last several years my tastes have changed for one. I feel as though I have gained a more refined palate. I spent a few years working in catering and learning more about food and fine foods. It had a great effect on me. I realized that its not always easiest to prepare packaged processed foods. I realized that my body felt better after eating more whole foods, fresh foods. I read some books about eating organic and watched "Super Size Me" and yeah I about threw up.

I changed. And I learned that I could enjoy cooking for the creativity of it.

And the outcome has been amazing. So these are my cooking tales. Not wild and only mildly entertaining, but a journey none the less.

So whats for dinner tonight?

Black Bean Chili soup! I can not get enough of that stuff and my family loves it too. Here is the recipe!
1 lb ground turkey(I also make this with shredded chicken breast)
1/2 cup onion chopped
1/2 red bell pepper chopped
1/2 a green or yellow bell pepper chopped
Diced tomatoes two or three small ones or 1 canned
1 can diced green chili's(sometimes I use a cup to 1.5 c Salsa or a can of Rotel)
Garlic powder aprox. 1 tbls
Seasoning salt 1 tsp
Chili Powder 1 tbls
Cummin 1/2 tbls

Brown turkey in a deep pan or pot. Add in the veggies and beans, add in seasonings to taste, bring to a boil then simmer for 20 minutes. We like this with corn chips or tortillas, some grated cheese and possibly a dollop of sour cream. Yummy goodness and Gluten Free.

Happy Eating!

Saturday Corporate Prayer=Family

2011-04-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

A brisk cool Saturday evening, the sun is shining in Corvallis Oregon which is a gift. Dozens make their way down the gravel hill to the barn converted chapel. Greeted by familiar faces, chairs in circles, and the smell of carpet and wood. As seats are found the emotion of the place is overwhelming. This is a place where hearts are stirred, confession is made, God speaks to His people, decisions are confirmed, battles fought and won.

Photo by Bethany Canfield

This is prayer and we are no longer strangers that have clocked hours in this room, for amidst the petitions and tears and repentance and praise, bonds have been formed, we became family.

In this room we are all equal and we are seeking with a singular heart, we are His. In this room we share truth, we share suffering, we share Jesus.

In this room we attempt to tread on holy ground removing the shoes of our hearts and crying out for the Spirit to flood in.

In this room we hear the exhort-er plead for truth to be revealed and sin to be confessed. We here the merciful ask for grace and hearts to be restored and we hear the compassionate pray for love to be pored out and the wounded healed. We hear the worshiper remember our God giving thanks for His goodness and blessing His name. We hear the fullness of the heart of God through His people and it is good.

The bulletin reads: Church Prayer Meeting. Some call it the boiler room, some say it is the heart beat or pulse of the church, but on Saturday evenings in a crowded chapel on a wooded hill in tiny Corvallis, we come together to meet our loving heavenly Father as a family.

Tell the story.

2011-02-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

Recently my church went through a week of fasting and prayer.

We met morning, noon, and night to seek the heart of God, hear from Him, and make intercession for people. It was an amazing week.

By the end of the week I was so stirred by the stories of God and really excited that our Pastor wanted to capture testimonies on video to be shared through out the year, for next year and to bless other churches. I had been praying all week that the work of the Spirit this week would go forward. That it would not end or be contained with in us.

Previously I had read Donald Miller's book "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years." This book really impacted me, it is a book about STORY. And I asked the Lord why is it this one Author comes in contact with SO many dynamic works of God? The Lord answered this, "because he(Donald) would tell the story." That struck me with such revelation and stirred my heart to be accountable to tell the stories of God!

As I was assisting with the video, I was blessed to hear the few testimonies in our church of God's dynamic works. But I have to be honest, I was disappointed too. See I had to go and find people to share and track people down and basically beg some, even leaders. Many said no. Now maybe it is the fear of being video taped, I am not sure. But my heart was grieved none the less.

I was reminded of the scripture in Revelation 12. "And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony and they did not love their lives unto death." The verse implies that we will share the wondrous works of God. Not only that, we will not love our life more than even being faced with death, surely video will not kill us. Now I know I am taking this a little extreme, however I really feel the message applies.

And I realize also that our adversary knows as well as we do the POWER in sharing the stories of God. We can not be silenced and we can not be fearful. It is not humility to shrink back from speaking out in a testimonial video, it is insecurity and pride. I believe it is our duty and privilege to speak. I believe however it is a tactic of the enemy to keep us silent.

Tell the story, tell your story, tell the wonderful things God has done in and through you. It is not because of us He is working though He is for us, it is His glory revealed through us!

Ah I am so stirred to hear what God is doing in you! Do tell.

BEAUTIFUL! Searching for happlity ever after...

2011-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

2. Michael

Michael loved warm and sunny Oregon afternoons though few as they were. Today was a perfect day and as he made his way home from school he was excited about Graduation, finally the day had arrived. He could hardly wait to see the look on his mother’s face as he crossed the stage and received his diploma. It seemed this day would never come and they had both been through so much to get here, it was as much her graduation day as Michaels.

Michael thought about the past five years. The boy he was when he began his freshman year, excited and naive as to the hard work ahead. All he thought about was the fun he would have, the fraternity he‘d join, the girls, the parties. His mother didn’t realize the true reason for his excitement, though his father had understood.

The Keller’s were a devout Christian family. Michael was raised in the church and had been baptized as a teenager. His mother prayed and prayed for that day and well, caught up in the moment at high school camp, he just went down and jumped in the water. The youth Pastor seemed happily surprised, most likely because Michael had shown little interest until that moment. But things were different after that. Michael felt different. He knew long before his public display that his heart belonged to God, but it was different after the baptism, sort of like a step in the right direction. His mother cried when she heard, his dad just patted him on the back and said, “they finally wore you down eh?” He grinned at Michael and Michael understood that he was teasing. But he also understood that his father took their faith a lot less seriously than his mother.

Eli Keller was a hard working man that owned his own construction business. He worked hard labor six out of seven days a week and if they were working on a subdivision, seven days a week. His father worked hard so sometimes he said he liked to play hard. That was what worried Naomi. The way he played hard, he and the boys would go out for Pizza and beers and usually Dad took it too far. But he always repented and said it was all in the name of harmless fun. He couldn’t very well refuse the invitations of his men; they worked darn hard for him and might take it as an insult. It was a sign of respect that they invited him in the first place.

Michael remembered hearing the conversation several times. Only one night when Eli stayed out late after work he came home really sick. Over the next several days it became more evident that he was not getting well and they eventually learned that Eli had pancreatic cancer and it was already spreading into the rest of his body.

That was the day when there life would change forever. Dad had insisted that Michael, starting his junior year then, stay in school but by the end of winter term the cancer was so aggressive and with his father’s rapid decline physically, Michael dropped out of school, never intending to return.

In April his father passed. Michael was never more depressed in his life. His mother was trying to hold it together and kept telling Michael to lean on the Lord now. Her faith was good for her and Michael did not want to hurt Naomi more, but Michael was angry at God! Angry because Michael had prayed so often over the past year and pleaded with God to please heal his dad and to please save him from the cancer, but his dad just got worse and worse.

Michael remembered one day in March his father talked to him about what was going to happen. “Michael, I know you have been praying for me son.” Eli looked sternly into Michaels eyes.

“Everyone has dad, you’re going to get better.”

“No Michael, I’m not, I am going to die.” Eli paused for a minute, still holding his gaze on Michael. Michael looked away. He continued, “I want you to know that… because I want you to understand.” Eli was having a hard time getting his words out. His emotions were riding high now and he didn’t want to break down in front of his son. He took in a breath, barely able to breathe deep at all and let it out slowly. “I have had a good life Michael, I have had more good in my life than I deserved. The love of a good woman, the son any man would dream of having, and the mercy of God to give me the days here that I have had.”

“But Dad…” Michael was crying now and he couldn’t finish his sentence, he had a hard time listening to this. He wanted to jump up and scream at his dad, No! No! You’re giving up dad! Don’t just give up! But he couldn’t say those things, he wouldn’t.

“Please let me finish son.” Tears streaming down Eli’s face as well. “Sometimes we pray for things and well, it’s just not God’s will, that’s all, but He knows better than we do. I am going to heaven and you will see me there son. Please hear me, I love you son and I don’t want to see you waste time here feeling sorry for me or worse, angry with God.”

Both sat there in the hospital room, quietly sobbing, unable to move.

Michael heard his father that day but he didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to believe that his Father was going to get well and things would be back to the way they were, before the cancer. He wouldn’t have let himself believe anything else.

After his father passed Michael forgot about that conversation for quite a while and in anger turned to drinking and partying. He caught up with his frat buddies every weekend. It was his friends and the constant persuading of his mother that led him back to school after taking over a year off. Michael was planning to work his father’s business, taking it over and eventually get his Contractors license, but his mother would not hear a word of that. She insisted that his father had sacrificed and saved for Michael to go to college and that is what he would do. Naomi could live on the humble life insurance policy and get a part-time job and Michael would finish school.

Thinking back on everything they had been through made Michael want to cry. His mother had been right of course. This was something he needed to do, for himself and his father. The sense of accomplishment was overwhelming. Now he could start working full-time, he could start living, and he and his mom would really have a new start.

As Michael turned into his drive he could hardly believe what he saw, his mother had pulled his father’s old jeep out of the garage, only it was all cleaned up and there was a big ribbon on it. Michael ran over to the jeep and picked up the card on the hood.

Dear son, I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. I wanted to surprise you with something special for graduation, so I had Oscar working on the jeep when you weren’t home to get it running for you. Oscar says it has quite a few good years left in it. It’s something your father would have wanted you to have, I love you, Mom.

Michael was so surprised, he ran into the house and gave his mom a huge hug practically knocking her over. “Mom, I’m seriously shocked. Thank you so much.” He squeezed her again picking her up and twirling her around, her five foot frame barely weighing anything to him. “I love you Mom,” he said as he released her.

“I love you too son and I am so happy for you.” Naomi, catching her breath, wanted to say more, but she held her words inside for now. Lord, help Michael find his way back to you.

“Well tomorrow’s the big day! I have one last meeting tonight at the house and then after graduation tomorrow, I am done with that place!” Michael wandered towards the kitchen to peruse for food.

Naomi knew what he meant by “meeting,” sure he was in leadership in the fraternity, but Naomi could only imagine the kind of party they had planned for their graduates. Michael had been careful to not let his mother in on his party life, but she knew the signs all the same. She prayed every time he went out, for his safety and for God’s hand to be on his life. But he was leaving the school now and his life would be different. Naomi had so much hope for Michael’s future. The hope of him walking with the Lord, marrying a strong godly woman and starting a family. This was Naomi’s dream for Michael and she shared it with God frequently.

Michael couldn’t have felt more excited. His life was moving forward. He liked that. So on to the next thing. He was a go-getter. But tonight, tonight he would have fun and if he were lucky, which he often was, maybe he would meet up with the amazing girl he ran into today. Just maybe.

BEAUTIFUL! Searching for happlity ever after...

2011-01-14T11:50:00.001-08:00

The following story is taken from a drama we performed in 2005. A modern day tale inspired by the spiritual application of the book of Ruth in the Bible.

Chapter 1 - Ruth

Ruth woke early for school. She wanted to have some time to herself before her mother called for breakfast. If she were lucky in fact, Ruth would get out of the house with out anyone waking and she would escape the usual morning rituals, the family niceties, and the prodding questions of moving plans, Ruth’s future and Harvard Law School. Of course that would come up again. All roads lead to Harvard Law School in the Devilder family, at least where Ruth was concerned. It was not going to be any different today except for the fact that Ruth was feeling uneasy about her future. She had always believed she would go to law school. That was the plan. But now with her upcoming graduation and the LSAT’s behind her, it was beginning to feel less like her dream and more like death by legal injection.

How many times had she rehearsed the conversations with her father? “Actually father, I would like to take a year off from school. Yes I do plan to go to Graduate School Father, I feel some time to actually find my passion would…” And they always ended the same. “Yes Father, I respect you and I do know who I am. Yes Sir, Devilders do not need to find themselves. Of course Father I am passionate about the law.” Ruth could not find the courage to genuinely share her heart with Charles Devilder. She never could talk to him. All of their conversations had always been one-sided; after all, he was an attorney, one of the best. He knew how to win an argument and she knew better than to engage.

Ruth scrambled through her book bag to find her keys. Where had she left them? It was five minutes before the parental units were to wake; she could slip out the side door as long as she did not have to go through the kitchen, and she could avoid everyone, especially her mother. Mrs. Devilder had become obsessed about graduation. She had spent hours on the phone making plans for Ruth’s party, a party Ruth had asked her to keep simple. But Harriet Devilder did not have simple in her repertoire. She seized every opportunity to hold a gala event. Not because she was so proud of Ruth, Ruth knew that her mother thoroughly enjoyed displaying her wealth to anyone who would envy it.

Ah, at last, her keys. She could make a quiet escape.

Ruth made her way down the back stare well. She could hear Ms. Filly, their house made-cook-retired-nanny rushing around in the kitchen. She would be able to avoid the kitchen and dining room all together by making her way to the serving pantry and out through the side entrance. Ruth felt concern as she plotted her route. What were the real reasons she tried so desperately to avoid her parents. She had cultivated her system over the past few years to get away from the family whenever she told herself she just wanted a break, that she needed some down time, alone time. Recently she found the need for down time more frequent and it wasn’t actually quality alone time either as she was willing to be anywhere, anywhere, but home.

She assured herself it was likely due to the stress of finals, finishing the term strong with her standard 4.2 GPA or maybe it was the graduation speech rattling around in her head. That or her friends Keira and Stacey pressuring her to get out more and live a little. Or she may just have a touch of Senioritis. “Do you get that in college?” But down deep, Ruth felt different, like something was missing, only she wasn’t sure why.

As Ruth drove through the tree lined country roads into Corvallis, she thought back on her younger years, her family, her parents and her upbringing. She knew at an early age that her family was not like other families. She didn’t feel the same comfortable affection that seemed to settle easily on families she had observed. She knew she didn’t have the kind of run up and jump in his lap father that some of her friends grew up with, nor did she have the warm mother-daughter share everything bond that she had longed for as a teen. But why weren’t they more affectionate? And what was making her think of it now?

They loved each other and took care of each other. That was what really mattered. And besides, Ruth had everything she ever wanted and considerably more than she ever needed. So in that sense her parents were wonderful. They wanted the best for Ruth. They wanted the best of everything. There was certainly nothing wrong with that, especially when her father had worked so hard to get all that they had. His law firm was world renown. He was constantly flying over seas to litigate for multi-million dollar corporations and he was frequently called on to consult in some of the most famous cases in the country. No doubt his reputation was impeccable.

Ruth made her way to the campus. Oregon State seemed busier than ever. The day was turning out to be sunny and soon she would see groups of students laying in the grass and tossing around a Frisbee or lingering on the quad steps in lazy conversation. Ruth had to finish up a few things before graduation practice. She wanted time to say goodbye to some of her professors and her adviser.

Mr. Collins had seemed more like family to her over the past few terms than her own family had. He loved to taunt her about her “options” and kept referring to that nagging profile that said she would be more suited to teaching law than arguing it. She had kindly disagreed. But the conversation did make her think and she thanked him for challenging her the way he did and also for the way he spoke to her.

Mr. Collins was not like other advisors on campus. He was never too busy for her and always had encouraging words. Ruth often wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that he and his wife attended church. She knew that because she ran into them getting groceries one Sunday and they mentioned they just came from church.

One time last year when Ruth was overwhelmed with her schedule, her double major getting the best of her, she went to see Mr. Collins and ended up crying in his office. She was so embarrassed and apologized all over the place as she was stepping out of his office, and he looked at her with a kindness in his face and said that he would pray for her. No one had ever told her that. It was oddly a comfort to her. She would never forget that. And never forget him.

She knocked on his door.

“Come in.” Mr. Collins sounding muffled had his head in a box and did not look up as he spoke.

“Hello Mr. Collins, I wanted to stop by incase I don’t get a chance to see you tomorrow.” Ruth peaked over his desk curious as to what had his attention.

Mr. Collins looked up at Ruth and smiled. “Oh…hello Ruth, thanks for coming in. Well, this is it, how do you feel?”

Hmm, no one had ever asked her that. Ruth was not sure how to answer. “I feel…I feel relieved,” hesitating a bit, “and good of course, I feel good. I really am glad to be done though.”

“Well you have been more dedicated than any student I have ever known. It has been a pleasure to be your advisor, Ruth, thank you for keeping me on my toes.”

“Well I don’t know about that, I think it was the other way around.”

“No Ruth. Listen, I know this term has been intense for you, but I wanted to say, one last time, you can do anything Ruth, you can be anything, go anywhere, accomplish anything, just make sure that what you choose is what you want. If you don’t make your own choices in life, life has a way of making them for you.”

He looked so serious and yet completely genuine. “Thanks Mr. Collins, I know you really care about me.”

“Listen, if you ever need to talk, or if you get bored at Harvard, just give me a call.” Mr. Collins handed Ruth his business card and smiled widely, “because Harvard couldn’t possibly be as fascinating as we are here.”

Ruth smiled back appreciating his ability to make light of the moment. “I will call, I am sure. I’ll likely have anxiety issues or some kind of break down next year.” Ruth really wasn’t sure what to expect. Moving to the East Coast scared her to death.

“You’re going to do just fine, Ruth.” Mr. Collins patted her arm.

Ruth had a strange feeling he wanted to hug her but refrained. It really wouldn’t be appropriate, but she wouldn’t mind.

As Ruth walked down the hall leaving his office she felt her eyes tear up and she swallowed hard to recover. Had her advisor meant so much to her? He was a constant fixture of kindness in her life the past four years she had really come to rely on. It only occurred to Ruth how much Mr. Collins meant to her just then, walking away from his office for the last time. She blinked hard hoping the tears would pull back.

Ruth felt like her life was about to change and it was, but she feared that it might not change for the better. She decided to focus on the graduation. That was next. “One step at a time Ruth,” She told herself. “After all, a lot could happen in the next few weeks, you never know.” Ruth pondered her strange thoughts for a minute and feeling a tinge of hope she decided to leave things at that.

(to be continued...next week)

Self Portrait Challenge!

2011-01-13T11:15:00.000-08:00

I am a HUGE fan of this blog... Kellie Dykast - Scraplog! (Designer and Owner of Every Jot & Tittle)

And she posted her new series of self portraits this year in an attempt to reach some of her goals and challenged us to do the same. I had previously written about having courage this year and felt inspired to post self portraits as well.

I have been transforming myself from the inside out, literally. The past few years I have walked through a lot of personal healing especially in the area of health and self image. So this challenge is very timely for me. And I am a bit nervous too. I recently lost over 50 lbs and I am still working towards a greater goal, more on that journey later. So I think it would be fitting to start this series with a before photo.

I have such a hard time thinking I look any different. Even though I know the truth.

Below is me and my girl last May...

And me now...

What do you think? Can you tell the difference? Apparently I do not go in for full body shots. But I am looking for a few to post and I will be brave and take some new ones!

Ok Kellie, I did it!

Ruth = Beautiful!

2011-01-12T10:00:00.001-08:00

I am going to be sharing about Ruth from the Bible soon to a group of women and that has my mind stirred about one of my favorite drama's, Beautiful!

In 2004 God stirred my heart to write the drama Beautiful, a modern day story of the spiritual application of Ruth. Ruth's name means beautiful. Our Pastor had just taken us through this book and I fell in love with the story and with our heroic character!

Since then I have written so much about the story that it is now in a possible book form. Though I am not sure anything will ever come of it, writing the story of Beautiful and developing it further has been an awesome journey for me. So I have decided to share it! I will be posting my "chapters" if you will right here on the blog. Because its fun and because I need to be courageous and just do it. (See my post on courage here.)

I love Ruth because she was brave. She first of all married a man from a completely different culture and background than hers. Though I must say it is very telling of the state of the family that the sons were not taking Hebrew women as wives. And right away tragedy strikes and she is widowed. Now many of us would just run back to the arms of family and what we know to be comfort and secure, however Ruth pressed on in her new life. Whatever possessed her to do this? I am continually pondering this thought when I read the book of Ruth. My answer is it can only be God. And even when her grieving Mother-in-law pleads with her to go back to her own people, and this was her "out" should she ever want to take it, she refused.

Brave and determined. But even more than that is she had the most sincere and loving heart. She was not about to leave Naomi on her own. Ruth was a caretaker. She likely had an idea of what Naomi may be facing alone. No provision, no family home to return to, no strength or youth to provide for herself. Naomi was Ruth's family now and Ruth purposed not to run but to follow her whatever that may lead to. So exciting!

If you have not read the book, do. Take time with it. Let it settle in your heart and mind. We are all Ruth, brought into a family that was not originally our own, set on a journey to follow after a Redeemer that would radically change our lives and give to us the promise of an eternal heritage.

Thank you Jesus for your true promises and for blessing us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places! Ephes 1:3

The trouble with HYPERBOLE

2011-01-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

I love a good story. I love to get excited and excite others with my words. I love to paint a vivid picture and instigate emotion and feelings. I am prone to hyperbole and exaggeration.

Now mind you this is a gift, I know. God has given me creative thinking for story telling and dramatization. I use this in marketing and business campaigns, all good things. I have the ability to embellish and accessorize scenarios with words; a useful skill.

The problem is that it is SO easy to be part of my every day life story telling.

Have you ever witnessed someone who tells the same good story over and over again and each time they tell it, it gets bigger and brighter? I have. Not that I do this mind you. But as I have heard some BIG FISH stories frequently told it made me contentious of my own story telling habits.

I felt the Lord stirring this caution in me some years back and I have long since been practicing sharing my exciting tales with out any truth bending.

But recently I have observed this in a harmful way. As I was sifting through my thoughts of an incredibly difficult circumstance that one of my kids are going through, the words "this has been over dramatized" ran across my brain. I stopped mid-thought to sort of seize that line of thinking. I believe the Lord was trying to give me some new perspective.

He said to me "just as clearly as you know that this situation is one way, because of extreme dramatization and exaggeration, this other person truly believes it is another way." I had to think on that a minute, hmm, then it became clear.

Feeding yourself, quite frankly indulging frequently a diet of exaggeration, dramatization, or hyperbole, skews perspective and the ability to see things as they are but rather as you project them to be. Oh my. Read that again.

At the core of what we BELIEVE is the underlying fragile state of perspective which has the power to skew any truth. This is why several people all part of the exact same incident will walk away with several completely different accounts. All filtered by perspective.

Now here is the caution and insight. Living in your head is harmful. Feeding on situations and talking them into the ground over and over again produces unhealthy feelings, exaggerated accounts, and convinces your innerman of truths that never even occurred. Obsessing over these thoughts, reading into them, then searching for anything to back up or confirm this not wholly true wisdom is SO dangerous.

Internal dialogue is a fair weather friend. When you become engaged in your mind with rehearsing life rather than the actual living of it, I would say you are traveling a shakey path. The thing is your feelings do not know the difference between what really took place and what you are making it out to be in your mind. Your subcontious does not know the difference. The core of your perspective of a person or a circumstance can be completely skewed or changed from things that never really took place, conversations and emotions stirred up in your mind or in the retelling with hyperbole. Add to that any type of external investigation of which you will most certainly be able to find many other stories to contribute to it and you have convinced yourself to believe, live in, and walk through a lie.(A partial truth being the same as a lie.)

This is at the core of woundedness and a wrong unhealthy perspective of God.

The enemy is skilled at this tactic and he only has to subtly help us with the exaggeration or twisting inorder to convince us of a lie. Eve was the first victum of this strategy. And the intersting part is she was so easily convinced.

How is this combated? Simple, God's truth. When the thoughts and feelings seem to overwhelm us and we are shaken to the core over anything, we must stop and force our mind and thoughts to grab firmly Gods persepctive. My good friend Cindy taught me to ask God, what is the truth about this? Asking God for His truth, His persepctive and shutting down my own thoughts and unleashed emotions allows God's words and Spirit to flood in, giving me His perspective. No strongholds then can form. No misconcieved beliefs can stir. No lies can be developed.

Pure truth of the word and God. What do we do until we master this skill, we practice it over and over again.

When you find yourself deep in that mind churning, heart beating, oppresive state, give yourself and your mind a time out. Don't wrestle with your inner thoughts, wrestly with God, not the same thing you know. Another friend of mine Charlene shared she began the practice of her Jesus chair. And she had to get in that chair and not leave until God could set the mind and heart right. Open His word. Read until the emotins fall away and the thoughts become pure, true, His.

I love a good story. Better than that, I love a true story. Holding my words and thoughts accountable is one of the most radical disiciplines God is working in me, oh sweet healing comes from this type of discipline.

So I let my words be few, Jesus I am so in love with you.

Curse-ed FEAR!

2011-01-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago I literally shouted these words out in tears fist raised to the sky! I had been tossed about in waves of circumstance facilitated by others choices that were absolutely driven from fear.

Its one thing to battle my own fear and I have done so and with great help from the Lord found much victory. But its a totally different animal being caught up in situations that completely and totally fall to another person and the crippling decisions they make handicapped by fear.

Fear is a loose canon and a fickle friend. It can come in many forms. It can appear to be safe preaching the word "caution," it can pretend to be wisdom with it's cohort "worldly advice" and it presumes justice with the falsehood of "community validation." But all of these misguided practices can be dispelled fairly easily when taken to the Word to match against truth.

Many preach that the opposite of fear is faith. But I have come to really believe the opposite of fear is wisdom. As we have studied through the Proverbs as a church this year and seeing wisdom personified my eyes were opened differently to the alternative choices we make that are clearly not wise and surmised that a great deal of those choices are driven by fear. Ignorance at times sure, foolishness at times, a lack of love possibly. But not necessarily a lack of faith. Because we can be fooled to have complete faith in something that is not wisdom at all driven completely out of our own fears and be ruled by it unknowingly.

The question is, what is the source of our wisdom, what is compelling our actions?

As a young believer I had the best intentions serving the Lord. We were young and zealous and evangelizing the world. I was however a very wounded young adult, though I really did not know it and I was driven, absolutely driven to performance based serving. Though I could not have recognized it I was actually driven by fear. I had a heart to serve the Lord sure, but I also had a deep underlying fear that if I did not show up, I may be forgotten, I may not look the part, people may see right through me. My actions were not based in truth though they were even righteous actions.

I had right thinking in serving the Lord, but I had the wrong approach for making the decisions for how and what to serve the Lord in. And at the core of my being I was actually trying to fill some other desperate needs other than a pure love for the God I serve. Oh so convoluted are the ways I operate as a human. Ah!

Yet God has been so kind and gentle in breaking these motives down and bringing truth to my wounded soul. He showed me that my constant need to be "needed" was false and not from Him and was being fed by other deeper hurts of rejection, abuse, abandonment. He reassured me that He would never do all of those things to me even if I never worked at the church or in ministry another day of my life. For what He had given me, I did not have to keep earning. He brought such freedom and peace. He began to teach me to make choices from a healthy knowledge of who He is and who I am in Him. Not driven from any un-health or FEAR.

As far as other people's fears that so effect our lives, well that we can only take to the Lord. But there are times when I am hurt or my children are hurt and it is completely the doing of someones fear and it SO frustrates me not for the person, they need healing, but for the weapon of our enemy that fear is.

Fear is the most subtlety destructive tool our enemy yields against us and is one of the most difficult to detect. FEAR is personified - fear is our enemy! And he wants you to believe that your fears are justified, but please let me tell you unless you are talking about the reverent respect of our Lord, fear is not righteous or just.

The bible tells 365 times NOT to fear. I have heard it said that is one for each day of the year. That's a lot of commanding us not to fear. Do you think God knew it would be such a struggle?

When we radically pursuit intimacy with God, He alone dispels fear. His word and truth are like beautiful fear erasers in the ARTIST hands of God, and He wants to paint in our lives vivid healthy colorful patterns that come from His love and from true and right thinking about Him.

Lionel has always asked the question "what would you do if you were not afraid." God gave me a new question, "what things are you doing right now because you are afraid?" It's something to ponder.

Lord, help me not to be motivated by fear and to quickly see through fear and not be ruled by it or act on it. Amen.

COURAGE.

2011-01-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am not writing about resolutions this 1^st day of the year, but rather courage!

We can always resolve to do the needful, beautiful, fulfilling, life changing things in our lives. We can and should resolve to do them. But we must have courage to take the necessary and often times bold steps to move forward and actually do them!

I say be courageous this year. Move forward. Boldly go where you have not previously gone before.

Make those difficult choices for getting out of debt!

Join that gym or put that exercise DVD in the shopping cart, go home and start using it.

Shop for your food differently.

Time block.

Get up 30 minutes earlier.

Write something everyday.

Pick up that instrument and just play.

Schedule dates with your family.

Download that read your bible in a year plan.

Make a coffee date with that one person you need to apologize to.

Send out those thank you notes/notes of encouragement.

You know it, just start doing it. You are not stuck.

Have the COURAGE to live. LIVE. Starting today, not the way you always have, but rather the way you have always dreamed of living.

Happy 2011! It’s gonna be a good one!

Perversion of Justice

2010-12-30T08:47:00.000-08:00

As I stepped into the courthouse once again I had a shivering feeling that this was not a place meant for justice and righteousness. Oh it is meant to facilitate the law all right, but one walk through the place and you can feel the oppression dripping all over and see the wearisome evidence on people’s faces.

We were not here for ourselves, this time. But unfortunately there had been several events that had lead to us having to come to that room, face those judges, and hear the law administered to suit someone’s reasoning all be it twisted.

Now don’t get me wrong I myself am a law-abiding citizen.

It just so happens that in this day we are in the law is sort of upside down. Our communities teach family and create programs that are meant to correct and facilitate healthy families, yet the law decides every single day things that destroy families and hurt children. That rip families apart. Our community promotes teen sex, abortion and the right to some pretty evil freedoms for our youth, yet in turn decides evil against them when in the court room are being charged for the very acts the community has promoted. Our community teaches that drugs are wrong, substance abuse is harmful and unhealthy, yet the law passes judgment that actually enables and oppresses those caught up in drugs, rather than work towards true healing and freedom. One friend that actually went through teen challenge to get clean and sober and finally held a job for five years ended up arrested and in jail because the law deemed teen challenge a non-approved treatment program, no matter the evident positive changes. Perversion.

Jon Foreman eloquently sings about the perversion we face:

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here
after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
There's nothin at all here that could placate my hunger
The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet
We're all murders and theives
Setting traps here for even our brothers
And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands
The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife
For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even the mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household
And both of their hands are equally skilled
Equally skilled
No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs
I've done against him
After that he'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered
And both of his hands are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands are equally skilled
At showing them mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the loveless
Equally skilled
Administring justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands

It is indeed a perverted day in which we live. But we have only to look to the Lord for true justice, and leave the work of administering it to Him.

As for believers He already took our case, and because of what has been accomplished on the cross, we are justified. Amen.

So much can change in a day!

2010-12-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

Over the past several years this has been a re-occurring theme in my life.

The Lord impressed on my husbands heart some years back the story in 2 Kings 7. The children of Israel where surrounded by the Aramean army and trapped in their city for weeks. Food was scarce and they feared death but Elisha heard from the Lord, this time tomorrow the prices of food would go down dramatically, there would be abundance. This seemed impossible. People questioned that even God could do such a thing. They did not know however nor could they see that God would confuse the army causing them to flee. And four leapers would discover the provision from the Lord. In one single day their entire circumstances changed.

The thing is we were going through some difficult times financially and personally. And there were many days when fear could have swallowed us whole. No jobs, very little income if any and no resources whatsoever. But the Lord kept reminding us that He was our Father, that He was provider and that He would not fail us. This story became a great reminder and symbolic as we would remind each other over and over, so much can change in a day!

And it often did. God brought provision out of nowhere, He made ways and opened doors that seemed impossible. $400 dollars left at our door step, $1000 brought to the church for us, bills paid, groceries, a weekend get a way, a car, a washing machine, a missions trip for my son and so much more. We had not even told anyone, we only prayed. He was allowing us to go through some difficult times to teach us who He is, His name PROVIDER.

He was teaching us to trust Him even when we can not see the way ourselves. There were days when I could not even breathe because the basic elements of food and shelter seemed out of reach for us or at the very least threatened. Yet God would speak to me to rest in Him and wait on Him. It is impossible to rest when you are consumed with worry. I would ask the Lord, how? How do I rest and wait? And He answered simply, by My Spirit. A new discipline began to develop in my life. I would sit with Jesus until the fear passed. He would not let me go in my quiet time for the day and His peace washed over me. Some days this took minutes and other days hours. Praise the Lord it always came, His peace and rest would enter my soul and fear subsided and I could just wait on Him.

I can not say I would want to go through this season of testing again. But I am so grateful for the greater perspective of God I learned and growing in relationship with Him truly made it worth all the heart ache.

Many days sense then I have faced troubling circumstances and God has given me the grace and peace to say, so much can change in the next day, I will let it roll off on Him that is able to make it change.

Getting into the conversation...Love and marriage.

2010-12-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

I recently read this post by the love sick soul. Who asked what we think about a conversation on love and dating that has carried in our community for several days now.

As a mother of young adults this conversation is vital to me. I pray every day for my children to have the courage to let their hearts love and to take action on that love. I previously wrote about encouraging my young men to date in another post, Kiss Dating Goodbye, Why? This may have been a little misunderstood but I don't encourage them to be serial daters but to not fear dating that they can learn relationship and mature to take a wife. Or in my sweet girls case a husband.

I do not believe it is a healthy state of our culture to be anti-marriage and so self dependent, self reliant. I believe it is a sign of the sin in our world and the state of wounded-ness and broken people.

One of the most beautiful pictures of Christ's love for the church is the imagery of the bride of Christ. This teaches us about a God that not only died for us and has adopted us into His family or Fathered us, but more importantly and even more complex is that He, God is a passionate lover of our soul. If you are not convinced of that statement, you are not alone, many believers do not receive that and are in need of some healing and learning of God because His word says He is, many times over.

As a women who prayed several years for that revelation I know from experience the love of God that Paul so passionately prays for the church in Ephesians 3:14-19.

What does that have to do with marriage? It is the selfless love of Christ that people need to see mirrored in our lives and it is a gift and favor from the Lord to be blessed with a family actively pursuing this kind of love to model.

God is able to do this, able to keep two very diffrent people from completely different backgrounds together in marriage. Able to overcome our personal histories, our wounded hearts, our fears, our false ideals. God is able to make our lives look different from those in our society. God can conquer the pain of divorce and the brokenness of abandoned children.

I say we are in a time that is so close to the last days, God would redeem the concept of marriage and family in our Christian communities, if we let Him and I am stirred to pray for it.

The question has come up about how absent the topic of dating actually is in the bible. I have a few observations on this topic. First that they married much younger, for the most part, and that they also had arranged marriages. Negotiations were made and the choice was a family decision and there was not this waiting of a love to fall on your heart out of nowhere that would be your SIGNAL to marry. But rather a choice was made, a decision and plan set in motion I believe that was the work of God and then I believe following that choice, love was stirred.

One of my favorite stories of love in the Old Testament is Isaac and Rebekah. What wonderful trust and belief in God Isaac displayed in sending his servant to go to find him a wife among the acceptable choices of his family. And how even more beautiful this servant asking the Lord for the direction in that and then this young girl so ready and willing to follow the will of her God to be taken to marry a man she barely knew of and had never seen.

Do I think we should be arranging marriages? Not realy but the concepts here are amazing. Courage, decision, action, prayer, faith in God not the person, wise council from a close trusted source, and then love. Such love.

I have been married 22 years. Lionel and I are from broken families. Marriage was not sacred. But with God in our hearts and faith in our lives we set out to do something daring, something no one in our families had done before, to break the chain of divorce and pass on a heritage of healthy love in our family as a testimony to God. We were young and dreamers and didn't know any better than to believe that God would and could do it in us, praise Him, He is!

Praying for all of our young adults! Praying against the enemy trying to steal this God designed plan from the church. Praying for healing in families and marriages and healthy right thinking from the Lord about His heart for love and marriage.

Living single is not a curse, but marriage isn't either. And if you are single and reading this and have found your heart saddened in anyway, please know that I am speaking for you. And please ask the Lord to reveal to you what is in your heart that He wants to bring to light and bring into truth. He is the lover of your soul and will fill you completely in or out of marriage, as it should be.

Love you all!

Mirror Vulnerability

2010-11-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

Vulnerability.

I feel the Lord moving in this area of my life. But more than that stirring in my heart the full weight of mirroring this in our Christian lives to young people, to those that are not saved, to this culture, in which has been said there is zero tolerance for being vulnerable.

This intolerance comes from the breeding of over confidence in the generation of self-help and personal empowerment. It has moved to a survival of the fittest mentality and not learning that failure is natural, but rather that nothing or no one is a failure and that life should be fair and that everyone deserves everything they want. This message has left our young people confused. Feeling internal conflict over what they know is true; that we fail, we are not enough, there must be more, nothing this world has to offer is filling my soul. So instead we have created a society and entire culture built on lies and people dying or dead inside. No wonder so many are on substances to balance out their emotions and mask their feelings.

The brave speak the truth and dare to be vulnerable. Even in the church, vulnerability has been hushed or silenced. Churches that fear not “looking the part” more than bringing healing to hurting lives are stumbling are young people. Are we preaching a relational gospel yet teaching performance based religion?

Religion is hindering this younger generation. And the enemy has come alongside it to offer the best substitute of all, an almost true faith in God. Slightly skewing our children’s perspective of God and how He see’s them is far more damaging than any of Satan’s other tactics. Because as he stumbles them with false religious teachings, he is keeping away 100’s of others from truly knowing God because of seeing the pain and destruction “religion” has left in it’s wake with God’s name attached to it.

We have the assignment of reaching and ministering to a desperate and confused generation that have really lost Hope in everything. But are fearful of speaking the truth. We live in a culture of drugs and antidepressants that have been the numbing of pain and confusion for so many. And how can we blame them, they do not know where to turn to.

Vulnerable. Genuine. Authentic. Real. Our children are desperate to be able to be themselves and yet struggle to know and accept themselves. Is God our condemner? Is he our accuser? No, the word of God is clear, He has not come to condemn but save, it is the goodness of God that draws man, His kindness that leads to repentance.

Are we ashamed to admit we have sinned? Sin is as much a part of our Christian life as forgiveness is. How can we facilitate healing and restoration to sin that has been covered up and hidden. And how will our young people boldly share and confess their struggles unto freedom when they are being chastised for having struggles. And who will speak out that struggle is actually essential to growing and being established in God.

Do we reinforce the worldly philosophies of numbing out rather than honestly working through hard things out in the open. Do we look and act just like the world turning to worldly advice, wisdom, and laws? What makes us different?

Our boys are afraid to be honest about their thought lives. Our girls are scared to share they are starving themselves. Our young adult Christians are scared to say they have had sex. If we cannot talk openly about real heart and hurt issues, then we can never open up to reach a hurting and needy world. And if we are not different then them, masking our pain and hiding sin, then what really are we offering?

Is our God able to bare our sins, the sins of our children? Yes we cannot bare it, but He can. Does He have arms big enough to hold us when we cry, to take the pain away, to heal the wounded-ness, to break through the addictions, to poor in love? Does He? Let’s live it, let us walk in it, let us share it.

I love that Job offered up sin offerings for his children in case during their shared meals and parties together, they had sinned. Job the most righteous father/man in the bible set a good example. He knew that sin was a likely part of life, and yet the most important thing about that was bringing it before the Lord. As I see my own children struggle this comforts me and I pray and ask Jesus for their forgiveness every day. He is the sin offering and covering for them. But like Job, I know they sin before God even when they do not know it.

God has been so faithful to me, to my kids. When things were desperate and hard He said to my mother’s heart, “Kristen, you can not bare it, but I can.” Today someone shared that even without blessings God is faithful. I was struck by that as in times when I could not SEE His hand of favor on us, yet He would say I am still here, I am still God, I still love you all as much as I have ever loved you.

Let us be REAL, for real.

I urge you, ask the Lord to stir your heart and lead you to mirror vulnerability.

Drama Ministry...more of the story!

2010-10-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

So suffice it to say my life journey has detoured me from writing about drama ministry. But alas the story must go on.

Script writing has been an essential part of the drama ministry for me. I am not so uninformed to think there is not available material out there but it has just been the case for me that God would stir in my heart and mind the story He wanted us to tell.

The more I wrote, the more at ease I began to feel about the way God spoke to me, however in those first few years when I was reformatting a script or finishing someone else's work, it was a daunting task for me. I felt ill equipped and not nearly talented enough. But I had said yes to God and I had to trust that He would do it through me. Those first steps were baby steps though and coming to a place to write the entire script was a huge leap of faith for me.

Inspiration would strike in the strangest places. Sitting in church listening to the message, during my quiet time, while at the grocery store, while watching a movie, during prayer, when reading a book. I literally was in safeway one day when a song began playing and as if everything were in slow motion as I liked around other shoppers had taken notice of the song at the exact time and all of them were nodding to the music, in my head of course. I am not sure that really happened but I could see it as if it were real and it inspired a scene in the play. That's what it was like for me.

Regardless of when; what always seemed to transpire would be clear and colorful pictures and images with story to compliment. And then I knew I had to get to my computer, very soon and write. It was overwhelming how the words and dialogue would spill out onto the page and scenes formed then directions followed. Amidst the drizzle from my visions a play would appear, taking shape, color, characters, and form. The process amazed and stunned me at the same time.

My very first full script was Beautiful which was taken from the book of Ruth. My Pastor had just taught through the book and I had begun dreaming of these characters in full vivid pictures only in a contemporary setting. That was the beginning of the most intense writing experience. As I saw this story of Ruth unfold in my brain I began to fall in love with the people, the families, the faces that stirred my heart. I became so emotionally attached to Ruth and her life that when it came time to share the script with my team I was terrified. After-all they might not like it. And then what would I do? I had lived with this story for a few months now. Fifty pages that were practically written on my heart and I had to let others share their thoughts and opinions about it, uhg! I just couldn't do it!

So I let my husband and my kids have the first go. Of course they were kind and encouraging but I realized something, hmm they were also pretty biased. Next my good friend Monique and her family, they were so supportive yet honest. They seemed to like it pretty well and got very excited after reading it. Also they had some good input that really helped in the initial edits.

Next up was the meeting with the rest of the leadership team. I gave the script to the stage manager, set director, lighting tech, choreographer, and it was out there. No turning back now.

I had written a script, for a play, and we were going to perform it. I am really glad I never set much stock in the words I had written and knew that the story itself would come more to life as the actors began to fill the characters and that is exactly what happened. I was happy to liberally give freedom in lines, for the most part, especially in rehearsal where some great discoveries were made and also when I would run through a scene and then I could see where holes could be filled in and also what was needed to fill it out more.

God was so with me, at every turn. I believe He carried me through that year by giving me the most gracious team of actors and crew I could have ever worked with. For some reason every single one of us felt this project was of the Lord and became really attached to the characters and story.

So what I learned that year; true humility is essential to survival in rehearsal, complete surrender would make it easier for my feelings to not get hurt, allowing the entire team to take ownership of the story really brought the project to life, and God comes through. Every single time. We do not arrive, He stretches us and grows us more and more every single step we take with Him.

That year was a turning point for me. What obedience looked like that year for me, really, was the greatest gift I never imagined I would ever receive from God. He flowed through my heart, mind, visions, dreams, and creativity to bring together a heart warming and vividly colorful drama that to this day is my most favorite story.

He so exceedingly abundantly went beyond so much more than I could ever ask or think. He radically changed me and I am so grateful to have followed Him in this calling, even through fear and attack and doubt, He so brought me through!

It was BEAUTIFUL!

The unauthorized blogography of Jane Johnson

2010-05-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

Featured Artisan: Jane Johnson.

Meet Jane, lovely, brilliant, artistic and creative Oregon photographer. Today I want to tell her story in my own words of course. Jane was born twin sister to Robyn on an ordinary day to an ordinary family in which I could only imagine both heaven and earth shifted slightly towards the more beautiful and glamorous aspects of life.

Jane grew up, Jane went to OSU, Jane fell in love with Jesus, Jane fell in love with a boy, stop. It must be noted that on one February day years back hearts were broken all over Oregon when Jane said the words "I DO" to the incredibly charming man Josh Johnson. The secret however is that it is Josh that is the luckiest man ever.(I know he would agree.)

There is just something about Jane.

To know her is to know how completely genuine she is and how truly disarming her words are whenever you are around her. I like that she speaks her mind, that she has a wise and snarky (yes I did use that faux word) way of stating the obvious to which the rest of us are like, hmm yes, yes I was thinking that.

I like that she brings art to everything she does, to all of our lives, to the directed steps that she sojourns day after day. She truly does color the world, more than that she captures every vibrant and striking stroke this world has to offer. But don't take my word for it, see for your self here.

And yet her amazing gift of photography is not the only thing that sets Jane apart from the most of her colleagues.

It is her uncompromising, over flowing, always true loving heart for Jesus.

It is the story she chooses to write with her life, it is the giving of her time for missions relief, it is the giving of her work for lives to be changed, it is the sharing of all that she is in hopes that someone might be made more secure in the Fathers arms, it is that she is honest to the point of fault that keeps all of us attuned to her living testimony.

Jane is a giver. And it is not just that she gives but also what she gives that makes her the unique individual you most certainly will fall in love with. She gives herself. Her true real self, no pretense. And though she modestly and lovingly makes fun of her faults and laughs at her own jokes, she is a woman of strength and surrender at the very same time. To which I am at the very least blessed and feel privileged for my own daughter to know and follow Jane's example.

Jane, here's to writing about you beautiful lady, if we had glasses in our hands...we would hear clinking, in your honor Jane, to Jane...

(photos lovingly borrowed from Jane Johnson)

Taking a walk...

2010-05-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

So the path is unknown, but you have asked so I walk.

I can see a ways ahead and I am sure there is something waiting for me,

but I also know that my sight is limited.

I don't always feel safe but reminded of Your word, I am secure.

Each step is like a leap as I realize that I am moving away from the familiar and towards the unsure.

I believe you are leading me, I could not take another step otherwise,

yet part of me aches to just turn.

I am desperate to hear from you, assurances, to be confirmed.

And my heart feels a warmth and I know You are present.

The path is getting rocky now, I am not prepared? I question.

I glance at my feet disappointed with some of the choices I made getting here.

I feel the wind change now and know it is a storm I have feared.

I look up and hear “keep going” it is the only choice to make.

The pouring rain grows hard as I struggle with balance and start to shake.

The world around is dark and blurry

and I cannot even see my next step...

I am worried.

I step anyways.

I am blind. The storm has taken all visibility, yet You keep nudging

Forward, to what? My heart asks.“It is not for me to know,”

You reply and I am trembling…

BUT WHY? I cry.

The storm does not change…

The path is still under me…

The water drips from my face tears mingled with rain…

I step forward anyways.

And I feel…

Not fear…

Not anger…

Not hate…

Not unsure…

I feel…

Peace.

And You say, Peace be still.

The storm is still raging, I believe it is gaining speed.

But Your words keep me going and new strength has found me.

Kiss Dating Goodbye? Why?

2010-04-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

I am a mother of four young adults pondering the question of the very misunderstood and quite controversial subject of young Christians dating.

Of course in a perfect world our children would meet the love of their life at a young age, in which both families would be so happy to see them grow as friends and mature into a loving and godly relationship nurtured under the covering of two healthy and spiritual families and then be married by their childhood Pastor.However this is more than likely NOT to happen for many of our children, most due in part to the fact that many of us are from broken families. Also this incredibly destructive society we live in has been vying for our children's heart, desires and attentions long before they even are old enough to reach mature dating age. Not to mention the fact that relationships among young adults and dare I say the word DATING has become a taboo among the Christian culture.

I have encouraged my four not to have a serious relationship with the opposite sex until they were out of high school or at least mature enough to make good choices with that decision. I explained how the drama alone of emotional break ups and expectations would be draining on them. I told them it would be more beneficial that they focus on building good friendships, that being a good friend is the first step in being in a committed relationship and also that at their young age they shouldn't be doing anything with a girl or in Bethany's case a boy that they would not do with a friend anyways. For the most part they have respected this. Only now older than eighteen have my boys really started to date and approach relationships. This has thrown us into many conversations. And I have discovered some not so healthy messages.

1) Bachelor to the Rapture. Wrong. This message sends the worst kind of thoughts to young men and women. It may seem spiritual to some, but it is not. God did not want Adam to be alone. A great principle over looked in this statement is that a man or woman should leave their father and mother and cleave to their intended spouse. Also God encourages Christians to grow Christian families. These words may have been someone's personal conviction, but it is not biblical and should not be blanketed over our young men.

2) Kiss Dating Goodbye. This is in my opinion one of the most legalistic and misleading ideas. I think it might be appropriate if we were in a day and age where parents chose the partners for their children. I really do not believe that our culture would support that. This theory puts way too much pressure on young people. I believe it has set a wall up against forming relationships all together. Young Christians have in their minds that to even get close to someone of the opposite sex they have to KNOW that yes this would be the one that God wants them to marry. Hmm. But how could they possibly know that if they do not spend enough real time with the person to actually know the person. And how long does it take for us to hear from God, not because He is necessarily not speaking but because we do not allow Him to speak by putting up our notions or misconcieved ideals as barriers to His words or truths.

3) Then there is the matter of God's will. I am reminded of the story about a man that was caught in a flood and prayed for God to rescue him. Some people came by in a huge truck, he sent them away, then a boat, then a helicopter, then the waters rose and he drowned. In heaven God said I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter, what were you waiting for? We pray for something and often the answer is already right in front of us. I propose we make it too hard.

4) We are so fearful of our young adults engaging in sexual intimacy, we forget to teach them about the other aspects or relational intimacy. How to genuinely share ones heart and life with someone. How to stimulate great conversation, the art of being someones greatest confidant, the beauty of connecting with someone's soul. Handicapped relationships and the forfeit of community in our culture has now plagued our churches. We must live against this current.

5) The enemy. I believe his signature is all over the previous four. Because the enemy does not want to see healthy Christian families and marriages and new loving couples influencing our society. Our adversary has set a target and all out war on godly marriages correct? We can see the devastation in our churches. We are missing his other more subtle tactic; preventing these godly unions from happening in the first place and then wage war on our young men and women thoughts and purity. Confusion. The more our society gets in the toilet morally I propose our young adults also are attacked with this anti-dating, socially awkward, breading unhealthy views of what should be a natural and healthy institute in the first place.

Confession. I am telling my boys to get out there and date. Yes I did. Does that sound bold? It shouldn't. I want them to get to know young women. I want them to have the experiences and practices of healthy dating. I want them forming relationships that may grow into more and then pray through what that more will be. I want them to learn about themselves in the process. What there likes and dislikes are. How to be gentlemen and chivalrous. I want them to learn how to pursuit a young woman's heart, because after all women do want to be pursued.

I propose that young men not learning these lessons may not make very romantic husbands that will work hard to keep their wives affections. Wives want to continue to be pursued for the length of the relationship. I pray that my boys learn this key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy.

As for my girl. She made a very wise and startling assessment one day. She said if I want to get married, I will have find a culture of Christians that date. She looked around at her environment and surmised it is not happening enough here. It was true and sad.

What is the hindrance. We have a large, beautiful, spiritually cultivated body of young adult believers and yet their are very few marrying. Something needs to change. If it is wrong messages we need to dispel them, if it is fear we need to pray for a release from it, if it is education let us educate them.

More to come on this topic, teaching boys and girls what healthy dating should look like. Also the message of "What answer to prayer is already knocking at your door?" A word God gave me and Lionel from the book of Acts I believe to be a great eye opener in hearing the will of God.

Blessings!

Doves Eyes.

2010-04-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

You may know the ever popular worshiper Misty Edwards, and if you don't...go right out and get her CD's. One of her songs "Dove's Eyes" has been a particular favorite of mine. Inspired by the passage in Song of Songs 1:15. The depth of this song has long since encouraged my un-distracted devotion to my loving Savior.

But today as I was journal-ing(shouldn't that be a word?) the verse, the Lord prompted me to search for more here. So I grabbed the laptop and fired away on blueletterbible.org.

With much clarity brings new revelation! I was so blessed to find such depth in the reference. Dove's eyes were clarified in several ways to which I have to say, I think it is all of them.

Soft eyes, this one I particularly love, not harsh or mean eyes, soft.
Clear eyes, not dull or clouded but clear, transparent and genuine.
Perfect eyes, eyes marked by the righteousness of Christ.
Healthy eyes, eyes that have been set free, healed, not blurred by pain.
Pure eyes, doves represent purity, guarded eyes kept pure.Loyal eyes, for our Lord first.
And yes un-distracted eyes, eyes that will stay on assignment. I think of the dove sent out by Noah, returning with the olive branch.I do believe as the Beloved spoke of doves eyes, it was a heartfelt appreciation for the beauty within and behind the eyes. A good friend of mine Jane Johnson shares a verse in her life work, Matt, 6:22 the lamp of the body is the eye, therefore if the eye is good the whole body will be full of light. Lovely.

Good eyes, eyes that bring light to our soul. So rich. The new living translation speaks of a pure eye that brings sunshine to the soul. Oh how many days I long for the SON to shine on my soul. Feeling dark, or sinful, guilty, or shamed? Feeling numb, or indifferent, or even bitter or pained? Let you heart sit before the Light of this world, set your heart right before Him and He will speak to you...

My beloved, you are beautiful(handsome)! You have doves eyes.

Let Him shine this light in you. This is His whole heart towards you. He loves you and you are most beautiful to Him.

Raising Men.

2010-04-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

Three sons, 20, 19, and 18.

As a mother I have loved every minute of having boys. I have always called them my little men, but it wasn't until the last few years that I really had a clear perspective of that.

A few years back my eldest was becoming a Pastor at the same time suffering heartache, my second son had been in two very expensive accidents costing his hard working self dearly, and my third son had almost died in an extremely harrowing car accident. Literally should have died, God spared him. As I struggled through the intensity of the seasons they were all in, the onset of waves of discouragement and fear that I was suffering at the time felt something a kin to an elephant sitting on my chest. I would ride to work with Lionel and say, it just aches in my chest. And he would remind me to breathe. It was often hard to find air.

A wise and godly friend was listening one particular day at work and she looked straight into my teary eyes and said, "Kristen you are not raising boys, you are raising men." It stopped my thoughts, yes screaming halt.

I was intent on her every word as she continued, "you have no idea what things God will use to bring them to manhood, but you mom do not want to hinder that." Hmm, no I don't.

I began asking the Lord about that, what I already believed to be true. He said to me...

Yes Kristen, let them go.

Now mind you Caleb was barely yet 16. I wasn't cutting him loose from parenting then, but I understood what God was saying, because in my heart I already saw the process unfolding. They were breaking away from us, from their mom, little by little. Only it had begun years ago. When they stopped jumping into my lap, or giving me kisses in front of their friends, or asking for a million stories at bed time, or wanting to be home just to play with their dad and me.

So my prayers changed dramatically. As they continued to rapidly catapult into adulthood several things were happening simultaneously.

I began to count down the days we likely had left for them in our home and thus frequent influence.
They began to question things more and more.
Spiritual attack reared it's ugly head over and over.
I felt less like a parent and more like a warden.
The truth hurt, we spoke the truth to them and their words back to us, though true stung too.
I realized they thought they needed me less and less.
They needed to make mistakes, hey when you think you know everything a few grand mistakes is enough to remind you that maybe you don't.
They increased in their desire for the extreme.
Life experiences became the utmost priority.
Wrestling through ideas and thoughts with anyone and everyone God included, now eminent.
They valued anyone who took them seriously, ignored everyone who did not.
Started referring to particular adults more like peers.
Trust and respect was not given as easily nor taken for granted.
No longer talked in we, us, and family, more I, me, and individualized statements.
No loner took my word for things.
Disagreed with our parenting per their years of experience being parented.

I am sure there are many more that I have not discovered. But while I ponder and still witness the transformations, I also am in complete awe of God.

He knows what He is doing, and He has instilled in our men a natural process from childhood to manhood, a passage of struggle if you will that to many appears more like crisis than development. But to which God has assured me is all in His care and part of His plan for them.

My perspective of God has changed through this process as He has given me such reassurances over my own son's hard times and conflicting ideals.

God is trust worthy. As I know that He is in them and there has been plenty fruit to that confirmation, He has the ability to parent them from the inside out.

He is able to bare all of their struggles and even their sin, this one is huge for me, as I of course am so unable to bare it. My heart ache alone for them is proof enough for me.

He reminds me daily that this, this season, this struggle, this growing, this breaking away, this confusion at times, even this pain, this is what He came for.

And this truth...one day standing in worship, front row, second seat in, knees shaking, heart pounding, hands trembling with grief over the latest blow, the song was playing ..."I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross..." God spoke to me.

Kristen, you'll never know how much it cost to see my SON upon that cross.

Oh Lord. No. No I would never have to suffer that pain. He did, so I would not. He understood more than I knew the heart ache of a parent. But He also understood more than I knew, every single thing He would allow across my amazing young Men's lives and He was worthy to trust with all of it.

So I am learning as I go here. Making so many mistakes along the way and God has told me He calculated those too. (He's so got my back!) And I am parenting in Faith and discovering what it means to parent adult children. It is likely the hardest season of parenting we have faced to date.

It is also the most exciting, most rewarding, most engaging and thought provoking time of our parental lives. We have been blessed with young Men that know, fully believe in, and trust God. How they walk with Him, what they believe about Him, where they find the strength to stand alone with Him without their parents, well this is between them and God.

We are still a part of this picture, our role has just transitioned to more fervent prayer warriors, counsel and advisers, teachers when asked, exhortation when welcomed, helpers when needed, only we are not the ones who get to initiate any of this, except for the prayer.

I am so proud of my boys, excuse me Men. I can not help it, they are so gifted, smart, strong, compassionate, loving, responsible, and loyal. It does not surprise me as these qualities are why I love their father so much.

And we have been blessed, to have God along side us as parents, He allowed us to fill up their cups overflowing with love, and show them that He was the one who filled ours. Now we get to see them let God fill them on their own.

There can be no greater joy.

In Relationship.

2010-04-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

We are relational beings by nature. It is what drives us or causes us to crave relationship with our heavenly Father.

Recently God revealed to me some "not-so-healthy" relationships. Inappropriate bonds that He was asking me to cut away from my heart. I was somewhat surprised at first, considering the objects of my affection and what He pointed out to me, well, it was a huge revelation.

The bathroom scale. I do not have a relationship with my scale. It can not tell me if the day is good or bad, I can not live and die by it.

The treadmill. It is not mocking me or judging me. It does not know or think anything if I walk three or five times a week on it and it does not know that I do another workout on alternate days, nor does it care.

Food. Is not my friend, can not comfort, calm, bring clarity, reduce stress, satisfy my heart, or change my circumstances in any way and the same is true for the lack of it.

Starbucks. Is just a corporation. It does not feel badly when I pass one by. It is not betrayed if I enjoy coffee from another establishment. It does not love me back.
My computer, and this one is a big deal. I could really see and partly knew I had somewhat strange affections for the previous mentioned. I have often said "I really get stuck on things," or thought I am just incredibly loyal. But as the Lord revealed these things over the past week, He did not bring up my computer right away, but rather let me ponder my thoughts and actions and responses to the things He was pointing out.

SO funny thing, Lionel and I have been living some sort of bad "IT" sitcom scenarios the past few months. We recently made the huge conversion from PC to Mac. And while we have very good reasons and all in all love the way a Mac performs, we have had every single problem you can think of with software, printers not working, web based programs not operational for 0ur jobs, the internet refusing to stay in Lionel's laptop memory, we have no clue why. Email will just stop sending, no reason, just will not go. I have spent hours loading, uninstalling, re-installing programs. Setting up and re-setting up. Our IT guy at work has done so much for us, we just keep a running tab now.
When my lovely 7 month old hard drive decided to crash a few weeks ago, well I was devastated. I took it really hard, I lost so much stuff. I was not backing up. And I took that pretty hard too. Because I should know better and it was a discipline thing you know. I felt like God was saying hey, you need to be more consistent in the care of your data. I received that, though I lamented for several days, when I got the laptop back I had so much recovery to do and this was causing me so much extra time and money. Uhg. But in the end it was all coming together.

Wednesday April 7, 4:15pm, Keller Williams Corvallis, red plastic cup, 1/2 full with diet Dr.pepper, lightly brushed my hand across the top knocking it with my knuckles sending it's contents streaming over my beautiful white keys. The technician at the Apple store said, "have a funeral." She retrieved my hard drive and tested it, it had survived. Apparently that is all that would be surviving. I sat in my car and the words came.

Kristen, it is only a computer, let it go, it is not part of you, not an extension of you, plastic and metal and parts to be thrown away, Kristen you are fine, move on from this.

Ok.

It took me 24 hours after that to hear God say, you do not have a relationship with your computer. Oh.

It is not that my feelings would be wrong to be disappointed and well there is the matter of cost. But for me it is more of why I have these unhealthy bonds. And it is really about what things take a place in my heart crowding out my Lord. Or what things are sending me messages contrary to what He is telling me.

So I am letting these bonds go. Cutting the ties and listening to the Lord for His words and truth about my life and health. Purging my heart of unnecessary affections.

New found freedom, once again, in my heart and mind.

Praying for my Mac to revive after a few days, I feel the permission from God to do so and heard stories that it could happen, but I am not counting on it, and at the present I am completely at peace with God's will in the matter.

The value of this lesson far out weighs any cost it may incur.

Vulnerable.

2010-04-05T18:00:00.001-07:00

Most of the time I am an open book.

I tell on myself. It is why I love to write and blog. But I have had a hard time sharing recently. As I have started several posts the past week or so and not completed and published any of them I stopped today to ask myself the question, why?

And I had an answer, I just don't have the energy to be that vulnerable right now. Hmm.

See I am walking with the Lord through some very personal things, working had, crazy busy with my teenagers, working hard on my home, finances, taxes, health, disciplines, ministry, SO MUCH! Too much?

Maybe.

Yesterday God told me that I didn't know I would face...fill in the blank; He played a tape in my head of some hard things that I have walked through this past year. And He sweetly said to me, but I did, Kristen. And I have seen you through it.

And today, it is so much, as I journaled again His never ending love for me, His constant care and Heart for me, His attention to detail, His hand of healing, His leading in wisdom, His goodness in my friendships, I am just so UNDONE by Him.

"the King has brought me into His chambers" Song of Songs 1:4

He has invited me in, where it is sacred and intimate, safe and beautiful; in the Lord's inner chambers I feel seen, known, understood, free.

Thank you, Father...just...(whisper) thank you.

Featured Artisan: the Real Estate Pastor?!

2010-03-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

Do you know Lionel Wilson? Some of you do. He is my very favorite Realtor, Minister, father, husband, and friend.
Today Pastor Rob was teaching from Proverbs chapter 11. A passage which is near and dear to my Realtor husbands heart. So much so in fact that for the past several years it has been his business message and mission. Be a giver, have integrity, encourage others, speak kindly and without hypocrisy, build relationships, win souls and walk wisely.

Around 2005 God had been teaching Lionel many good but hard life lessons. One thing that spilled over to every area of his life is valuing people above everything. "Lionel I have called you to ask those I put in your path, what can I do for you," spoke the Lord. In business that equates to people before paycheck. The Lord told Lionel that work would be his ministry and God would be his provision.

Since that time Lionel has set out to be a servant in Real Estate. His passion for people has made such a striking impact, in what can sometimes be an unpleasant industry, that many people have lovingly called him the Real Estate Pastor. We chuckle when we hear this, but really it is true. Lionel prays with and for those that he works with. He gives wisdom that he believes is from God and not just regulated by market trends. As a hard working man he of course is diligent in knowing the business of real estate because he believes God would not want him to be negligent in any area and he sets out to do his best for the Lord in every scenario.

I can not say enough how much I have learned from Lionel in business. Over twenty years he has worked in some areas of sales and marketing. Several years he was a pastor as well, the truth is, he gets people, and people have always been his business.

He that waters is watered himself. Proverbs 11:25

This is the quintessential verse in chapter 11. Give to others and yes you will be yourself so filled and completely satisfied in life. God has blessed Lionel in so many areas of his life and especially in business. He is grateful and amazed. When many people were complaining of the real estate market and the "shift" that has occurred the past three years, Lionel set out to have his best year ever. God had put it on his heart to do so. And closing out 2009, he did have his best year in real estate ever, more than doubling sales the previous year. God is, faithful and He did provide.

So Lionel faithfully presses on to continue to follow hard after God, shepherding the flock along the way, for now that flock comes in the means of Real Estate.

I am so proud to work for such an honest and passionate man, and blessed to be married to him!

Better than wine...

2010-03-02T17:47:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I do not know how to tell my story because it is still unfolding.

I think of my life as not having a beginning or an end but as a constant and ever changing circle. Like the earth spinning round and round, some times in the brightness of the sun, other times in the darkness of night, that is me and that is what healing is like.

So much has happened in my heart, to tell it all would mean that I understood it all, and I don’t and there is still so much to be discovered. But as I move through each day there are these glimpses, you know these tiny moments when I am on the outside looking in getting a God size perspective of what He is doing in me and I am so undone. Because He loves me, oh how he loves me, can you hear that song playing in your head...I can.

I am journal-ing Song of Solomon, as a prayer to God. A friend recommended it to me. As I am His beloved and He is mine. I am on verse two and this is my response back to my Lord, my Love today:

Nothing is more valuable than Your love. Nothing is more precious, more costly, more fragrant and more tasty. You grow this love in me that is You. You planted Your love in my heart like a seed that is planted and grows to a vine. Your love blossoms in my heart and bears fruit like luscious grapes in the vineyard full of juice and ripe from the sun. Your love brings the fullness of satisfaction to my soul like the fullness of flavor in a timely opened luxurious wine, pleasant, earthy, warm, delicate, and fragrant.

Your love is better than wine.

He loves you too, tell Him today, that you love Him back,

Featured Artisan: tribute to a daughter

2010-02-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

This girl is artsy! No doubt about it.

There are so many things I could say about my dear 17 year old daughter. From birth she has inspired beauty and art in our world and she keeps on astounding us with her gifts every single day.Bethany is one of those lovely, bright blue-eyed, rosy cheeked, full of expression, verbally robust, laugh out-loud, girly-classic-vintage styled teen age girls that could really have been born in any era.

She is timeless.

She is one of the most talented actors I have had the privileged of knowing my entire life and I have known and worked with many.Bethany has been part of over 30 shows and is a joy to watch on stage, truly in any roll. But theater being among her first loves, she more than just graces the stage, she costumes, crews, stage manages, and directs. All with the skill, gifts, and responsibility to match most adults.
If that were not enough to boast of, and that is plenty believe me, she is also one of the finest hand stitching crafters I have ever seen. She has a knack for intricate details and fine hand sewn work. She loves to make scarves, hats, embellished hair accessories, purses, bags, etc. She started crocheting at the age of seven and she can make pretty much anything. She started sewing when she was 13 and she is learning to become a fine seamstress.

She has written some of the best papers her teachers have read and she wrote me a song and sang it to me while playing guitar. She taught herself for my last Birthday, which is one of my favorite Bethany moments.

She taught herself guitar! Yes she is very self motivated and when any one comes around that plays guitar she grabs hers and has them teach her a thing or two. She loves to sing loudly. She is growing musically as it has not come as easily to her as acting, she works even harder at it.

She loves Jesus! This is for sure one of the things that has motivated and propelled her in life. She has served and ministered with college age students since she was seven. Using all of her gifts for the Lord has given her the blessing of being so gifted and accomplished at such a young age.
We are SO proud of the young woman she is becoming and excited to see all that God has for her. I recently shared with someone, she is like a force that none can reckon with, except for the Lord of course and in my heart He keeps telling me, just get out of the way Kristen, I am doing all this in Bethany, do not hold her back!

Art in business!

2010-02-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

I love work, really I do.

And I get to do some awesome, amazing things in my job. I work with my husband, we have a Real Estate business, he is the REAL-TOR. Yes that was on purpose it's not REAL-IT-TOR. People get that confused. And I am the Marketer/designer/book keeper, etc.

But what I love is the design elements. Laying out our marketing pieces, creating an interesting website or virtual tour or playing with the photos.

We are just re-listing this amazing house and I was playing in photoshop with a new effect I learned called TRIPTYCH which I thought would be perfect for the postcard we will send out to the neighbors. And BTW, here is a great teacher online for easy photoshop tutorials.

Isn't that fun, one picture, three panel artwork! This gives me great ideas for some artwork in my home too.

I love that my work compliments my craving for art, design, and creativity. I love that every day I get to do things that inspire me. I get really excited when our clients and Lionel like what I have created. It is wonderful to get to use my gifts in our business, it is a gift to ME to find that I can have a job and LOVE it too.

I hope my dear readers, you love what you do too!

AH...DRAMA!

2010-02-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I should be doing a drama right now!

Shouldn’t I be?

For the past several years January through May has been an incredibly full, busy, exciting, inspiring and artistic time for my family and me.

I like the pouring over a script, holding auditions, seeking the Lord for vision, stopping in the grocery store to take note of an every day life happen stance that God has stirred me to ad to a scene, I even like lining up the details all nice and neat in my project time-line and assigning tasks to the leadership team, sick I know.

I love the hustle and bustle of our extreme schedule, rushing out the door with notebooks and props in hand, sitting for hours picking out music, set elements, sketching ideas, dreaming up art. Love it.

Last year we took a much-needed break from this routine. I was relieved because I was tired and frankly not inspired whatsoever. And I was content with the decision.

So when fall rolled around, I really began to think about the possibility of the next drama season. It seemed the right time; usually we know in the fall what the drama we will be starting in January will look like.

So my mind began dreaming, only there was just one drama really in my heart to do and that was a repeat of a beloved story form the book of Ruth, which I will share about in a separate post. But I have been writing this story into a novel and it lives inside me. The people, the colors, the very melody of the story breathed on each page sang to me in my dreams. So I was naturally drawn to do this drama again.

However, not sure that we were supposed to be doing a drama at all. But it was the right time to be thinking about it, my heart was stirred towards something, the leaders were all on board to do it, the Pastors gave the huge green light to go forward, my children were asking me please lets do another drama, I could see in full living color the new fresh look and scenes played out like a movie in my mind.

So what’s the deal Kristen?

The deal is I haven’t really heard from you Lord.

And do you want to hear from me, or are you going to go ahead with this on your own?

No. No way, stopped in my tracks by Pastor Rob’s words, “unless the Lord has not told you to do it, then you should not.” Did you Lord? Did you tell me to do it?

You could do this drama Kristen, but I have not asked you to.

Ok.

I had been so set on the...I should be doing a drama right now, it’s the right time, it’s what we do, we sat out a season that was good, we heard from the Lord on that, but I wasn’t stopping to say are you telling me to do this Lord. So when I did ask Him, He answered.

No. Ok Lord, I hear that. No. And with all the rush of a raging river peace flooded my soul. I had not realized until the moment that I surrendered it to Him; I really didn’t want to do one right now either.

I know there is still more dramas to come, but I am content too if I never get to stand before a stage shouting out directions or encouraging a cast. For now it is not what God has me doing and for now, I am so glad.

this do in rememberance of Me

2010-01-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

The Healing arts: Communion

I am always amazed at the different ways I find God knows me, really knows me.

As I walk through this path of letting God heal my heart and life, there are these moments, I call them milestones, that God uses to set apart a truth, lesson, victory, or even correction. These milestones are like burned images in mind, tattoos so to speak, they are permanent.

This past week the bread and the cup have become just that. As I have been walking with Jesus through my day and really stumbling more than walking, but trying to keep my aligned "upward" balance with focus on Him, I heard the Lord ask me to pause and consider the bread and the cup.

Stop what you are doing right now Kristen. Don't miss this because I have something big for you.

My ears and spiritual eyes WIDE, I took stock of my actions and my thoughts, heart, posture towards God as I was about to partake of the elements. And then I was reminded of a principle I heard just the day before riding in the car, the speaker said we need tangible actions to match a spiritual directive in our life.

Hmm, intersting, the dots began to connect, hang in here with me, they will for you too.

Backing up a little, see I have purposed to all day everyday walk moment by moment with Jesus, living by His permission. Even for the simplest things. Because I have learned, I can not do this life even fifteen minutes of it on my own, or at least I don't want to because I tend to make a mess of things, then I am running to Jesus crying my eyes out asking Him to fix things. But instead my desire is to rely more and more on Him to keep me from those messes and mistakes.

So back to the bread and the cup. I clued in to what God was showing me. Every time I go to partake of the elements I truly ackowledge Jesus, I genuinely asses my sin, my motives, my heart, my attitudes. I wouldn't dare go forward drink the juice, eat the bread, pray the prayer with out having my heart rightly aligned with Him.

Ok, really getting it now Jesus.

And He in all His glorious knowledge of me, knew that I would need this tangible illustration to show me what He is asking me to do every day, on a moment by moment basis, genuinely before Him, keep the open heart and spirit, not allowing sin, temptations, busyness, life get in the way of that and thus allow my heart to shut down from Him.

It is the same action as if I were all day long going to partake of the bread and the cup, I am partaking of Jesus, over and over again spiritually, remembering to...remember Him in every aspect of my day. Keeping short accounts, taking every thought captive, letting Him guide me to do the God things rather than just good things. My dear friend Cindy calls this her dance with Jesus, or the fifteen minute plan, and I have to say she is the one who has inspired this in my life.

To practice the discipline of allowing my heart to be held captive by His Love, rather than be taken captive by anything else, is just truly walking free.

I am asking Jesus, to help me walk free, He is showing me how to do just that.

Featured Artisan: Sarah Nelson

2010-01-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

Introducing the fabulous and amazing young design talent, Sarah Nelson!

She is most definitely "CREATIVE" in His image. But before I go on about that, I just have to say that I have been a part of this girls life for several years now and to know her is to know a pure and genuine heart for the Lord.

Sarah, recently married and embarking on adulthood, has blossomed quite stunningly into an extraordinary designer and life artist. Here is a young woman, wife, new home maker, college student, daughter, sister, and friend that is inspiring and motivating so many of us, not allowing her gifting from the Lord to lay dormant.

What has seriously stirred my heart to write this post is how naturally she has emerged into this new season. Though yes she has always loved fashion and been interested in artistry, this I believe is something more.

As I think about the Lord and how He is the ultimate creative being, and we are created in His image, I have come to believe that we bring Him the most glory through using the creativity He has given us. It is my firm belief that He desires to see this part of Himself gushing from all of our lives.

Sarah has tapped into that stream and it is flowing beautifully. She LIVES her art creating a masterful setting for Gods beauty in her every day surroundings. It is amazing to see the wonderful texture, colors, sheen's, sparkles, shapes, and elements that have so originated from God's creation, interlaced in Sarah's style.

Now I know we all do not have the same flare and eye as one as gifted as Sarah, but we ALL do have gifts and should be encouraged by her to use and share them as God directs. I know I have been. But don't take my word for it, you can find her lovely ideas and sweet spirited words on her blog Frills for Thrills.

I am so blessed to see this young girl totally put her self, her heart, her art, and her life out there for all of us to see. It takes some courage and a lot of love. And I for one really appreciate it! Thanks girl. We are all excited to see what God has planned for this amazing avenue in your life.

Have a great day readers, and share some ART in life today!
(photos borrowed from Sarah)

the Art of healing...

2010-01-08T18:51:00.001-08:00

Hi.

There is so much I could say about this, I will have to do this in segments. As I am sharing about art in life I have pondered the areas, aside from the performing arts that have had profound effect on me.

Healing is definitely art in life.

Just the word itself rings through my heart and soul with perfect harmonious sound. I have read about, prayed about, talked about, asked for, sought after, cried, prayed over, and received healing so much over the past several years that the very word warms my entire being, it is a part of me.

Most importantly because to me healing is personified in the person of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. His word says, He is Healer and His work has proven that to me time and again.

To get to know Him, to draw close to Jesus, to wrap ones self and life around Him is to most undoubtedly surrender life and soul to the fine work of healing that is part of His very existence and presence in our life. From the moment we receive Him the work has begun in the most eternal sense of transcending from death to life. And for much of my Christian life that is all the healing I could really engage in, as I had no real understanding there was so much more.

At four years of age, for whatever reason I was made very aware of my need for Jesus. But it was not until about the age of 24 that I would begin to realize my even greater need for Him to save me from myself.

Lionel was recently asked "why is it that Kristen continued to pursue healing in her life, as most people run from it?" This man was very serious. Lionel answered what I believe to one of the most insightful things he has ever said about me, he said "I believe because each time God would reveal something to her about herself, He would also give her the slightest greater glimpse of Him, that is what kept her pressing for more."

Incredible. I don't even know if I could have said that myself until Lionel spoke the words, I had not even thought it, but it is exactly true, each time God would uncover a layer in me that he was doing a work in, He showed me more and more about Himself, and it was the actual pursuit of more of Him, not the pursuit of self, that led me to be healed in such powerful ways.

The beauty in all of this is that He is the artist that takes the black, dark, ugly brush strokes of our soul and brings new life, color, texture, and shape to make us whole.

I am so excited to share with you the journey this has been, of course that will possibly take several blogs, even a lifetime, all of which I am happy to share in hopes that the healing He has done in me will perpetuate healing in others.

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound" Isaiah 61:1

I was captive, and brokenhearted, I have been liberated and made whole.

Thank you Jesus!

Waiting for paint to dry.

2010-01-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

That is exactly what I am doing. Working on a little DIY project for my bedroom, which I may blog about later! But as the process involves waiting for pieces to dry before the next step, I have a moment to lay down some thoughts.

Today's message at church was very practical and inspiring. Our Missions Pastor Larry was teaching about spiritual gifts, you have them, use them. It was a very good reminder and exhortation. Which got me thinking about Art in life...here goes.

Teaching a practical lesson about gifts.
Painting a piece of furniture to match my bedroom.
Making a beautiful meal for my family.
Rearranging the house to accommodate a party.
A great fitting pair of jeans.
Sitting by the fireplace with a cup of hot water.
Sipping coffee from my favorite mug.
Reading a good book.
Writing a note.
Words.
Taking someones picture.
Cleaning the kitchen floor spotless.
Learning a new worship song.
Laughter.
Tears.
Long conversations about anything and nothing.
Midnight wakings from infants.
Late nights with teenagers.
A three year old's bedtime prayers.
A job well done.
A completed task.
Work.
Finding the right gift for someone.
Being home with the family.
Celebrating the start of a New Year.
Making plans with my husband.
Date night.
Exercise.
Friends.
Going to church.
The body of Christ.
Sundays.
Prayer.

I really could go on. You get the idea.
Art in life, all of it.

It is exciting and also astounding when I attempt to keep track of all the ways that the little things in life inspire me.

Hope you have a great day, sharing some art in your life.

Featured Artisan: Dearest Sara

2009-12-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

There are some people who come into your life that make a grand entrance and hold a commanding presence. I lovingly refer to these people as larger than life.

Sara Stokes is just that. When I met her she was fresh out of high school ready for anything and everything. She was sweet and smart and sharp. We counted money together for the BBQ ministry at our church, then actually started working together at the credit union.

I quickly became one of Sara's adoring fans, there have been so many of us.

One thing I did not know about Sara was that she had been in dance since the age of three. I only learned this detail after one of the performances of the very first drama at Oregon State. She came up to me literally beaming and said, "the next drama, I have to be part of."

We had no idea then that God was doing something really BIG.

Sara did join our team, not only as a dancer, but as a leader, teacher, choreographer, visionary, actor, you name it, she was willing to do it. She poured her entire life into this ministry for several years and during the six months out of the year we were not working on a drama, she was dancing her heart out for Jesus in other Countries, working with local dance teams, or street performing.

Sara was extremely gifted in so many ways. Her dancing was beyond graceful, it was brilliance in motion, her creativity was limitless, and yet how she worked with her team astounded me. She could take untrained dancers and weave them into a collage of beauty, it was supernatural. She could see in a person something they did not see in themselves. She believed in people. It was inspiring. Once we had an audition where close to 60 tried out, Sara cast them all, not having the heart to turn any of them away.

In a sudden turn of events Sara was taken from us in a car accident on June 19, 2007. It was a tragic ending to an amazingly gifted and blessed life.

Yet Sara lives on. She of course is with her savior Jesus Christ. We however have so much of the life she left in us all. Determination, a hard work ethic, a heart to share Jesus, a commitment to excellence, reaching for more than before, CAN do attitudes, pushing ourselves to do and be better, Sara gave us that.

Sara danced for Jesus. She never made it about her, she walked in humility and led others to do the same. Working with her was a gift. I am a better leader and director because of it.

I miss Sara. Some day I will see here again. But until then I plan to go on living for Jesus, sharing art in life the way she lived.

Thank you Sara for what you have given us, we will continue to give as well.

Back to blogging!

2009-12-27T09:31:00.001-08:00

I have been negligent to writing here and that is something I have purposed to change in the New year.

This year has flown by. They say time flies and actually it so so true, every moment we have is precious because literally time is fleeting. As I sit her today I am mindful of so many friends that are grateful and exceptionally aware of each passing moment.

A long time friend that is a mother of two who recently had a huge cancer scare.

A wonderful friend who right this very minute could get a call saying her sister has passed.

An amazing servant of the Lord and friend lying in the hospital today from a freak accident a few weeks ago that has absolutely stolen time out from under him.

A woman who has been given more time with her mother unexpectedly, and is hopeful it is enough time for her to meet Jesus.

An extremely amazing mother experiencing the pain of grown children and the reality of less and less time with them.

My husband who is following the Lord and hearing this is the time to move forward with some big things.

Time.

So precious. A commodity that can be enjoyed, consumed, spent, wasted, lived, and lost, but never, never can we get it back.

Blessings today, go on enjoy your...TIME.

STAND.

2009-07-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering that simple word intensely these past weeks as it has been Gods constant instruction to me. Kristen, you STAND. Ok Lord, I can do that.

Over the past years in minstry we have been very aware and certain of our adversary. Spiritual warfare is not a new concept to most believers only it is not always the constant reality of many. And I am not one who is looking for the devil at every turn. I am an extremely optimistic and positive person. So at times in the past when I have been going through hard things it often takes time for the Lord to reveal to me the enemies tactics and strategies against us. "Yes life is hard Kristen, but you also have an enemy."

So learning to battle in prayer and in the spirit is a spiritual discipline God has exercised in me over several years in ministry. Teaching me, strengthening me, and never letting it discourage me, thankfully to the point of losing hope or giving up. In fact I was actually surprised by a few people that decided at times not to serve with us due to the intense warfare they had experienced in previous years doing the dramas. With my sunny-side outlook and my "hey this is part of it, God will move in spite of it" attitude. And of course thinking we are not really taking much ground for the kingdom if in fact we do not face opposition theory-I was being naive. Even pridefully I have said, bring it on.

I did not really mean that.

The morning of July first was very peaceful and my heart felt incredibly light and free. And then we got a phone call and from that moment until today 27 days later our lives have seemed a continual wave of emotions and strains we had no idea we would face, we have been worn down, humbled, shaken, pressed, turned upside down in our hearts and minds and very disheartened.

And what brought me comfort? One word from the Lord, STAND. When he said it to me I froze in my angst, my striving in the spirit ceased. What was I doing? What were the conversations in my head and how were they hurting me? I was hurting, no doubt, still am, but I was forgetting so much of what God had ingrained into the fabric of me, STAND. We stand, we stand with Him, we stand with our family, we stand with the body of believers and leadership He has called us to. We stand even in hard things. We stand. And until God changes our direction or gives us different instructions, that is who we are and that is what we do. Stand.

And having done all to stand. Stand...

I REALLY want to do this...

2009-07-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

I know, its been a while. So I may not get any readers, ok, I am fine with that.

I was pondering how I so want to tell this story of our creative arts journey and yet busyness, priorities and the demands of life have lead me to lay it aside. Such is the way of life. We do the things we don't want and don't do the things we do want. I say just do it. It may seem like I am stretching the use of that verse but seriously, for me it is a matter of obedience and taking action on the things God has stirred me to do.

We are called to be a people of action.

So many years have gone by since that first drama. And as I look back I am amazed at the magnitude of it all. However, simply stated it was one step in front of the other. Nothing will ever happen in our life, jobs, home, ministries with out putting hearts desires to action. We can only take the step in front of us and soon enough those steps lead to amazing and miraculous blessings from God.

Oh there are plenty of times we are in WAITING MODE. I have been there often. And our Christian walk is filled with the BE STILL moments and those are very needful things in our life. But James compels us to be DOERS. I relate to that. I really do in fact so much that I occasionally drag my feet at times asking the Lord to confirm steps He wants me to take because I am so tempted to rush out and DO.

I love the popular NIKE ad, JUST DO IT. I say we need more doing and less just hearing and waiting around. Those times can be good yes, but they should produce activity which produces fruit, which glorifies God which is what we are here for.

What has HE been stirring in you? What do you want to be doing a few years down the road that you may regret not having taken steps towards now.

Friends of ours just moved to Brazil, Warren and Sheri Yoder. Reading there blog today I was amazed at there new life. And the total sum of a "bajillian" steps taken, in faith, with the Lord, hearts stirred. DOERS. It is encouraging and inspiring.

I think I will go DO something!

Pray!

2009-03-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

I am stirred to write about prayer.

Maybe because our church has been re-energized as a result of fasting and praying corporately, maybe because I just finished reading a book about the beginning of a radical prayer movement, possibly because I feel an even greater call to intercession, but I think more importantly because first and foremost all that we have done in the drama ministry has been a direct outpouring from prayer.

The vision started in prayer. Prayer was the first and number one priority of every meeting. Kari so wisely urged us to recruit armor bearers (prayer warriors) that would commit to faithfully pray for us daily during our preparation and outreach season.

Over the past several years I can say without hesitation that we never lacked in rehearsal or practical production time for what we spent in prayer. And with sometimes a two or three hour practice we would spend a solid 45 minutes to an hour in prayer and worship.

And God moved. I love the idea of RADICAL PRAYER. I am moved by the thought of something that often puts many to sleep and seems quite a somber or reserved ritual to become an interactive and hard core adventure with the Lord.

And He moved me. I can operate in fear or in faith, but usually not both and usually not fear when much time has been spent in prayer.

God moved through the pages of the script. He breathed on us. He sealed the LA Sells Stewart Center by His spirit. He drew passers by in. He radically transformed our weak and awkward offerings into something He could use. He did it as we surrendered to Him everything we had, in prayer.

Pray. Pray hard, pray long, pray often.

Why we DO what we Do...

2009-02-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about how to pick up the story after such a LONG break and this afternoon the Lord brought this to memory...

"Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you BE RECONCILED TO GOD." 2Cor. 5:20

One day several years ago I was sharing my heart with LJ, my eldest who was in middle school at the time, about our heart for the drama ministry. He very quickly summarized what I shared with him by quoting that verse. We, as a team of missionaries, ambassadors if you will, were so burdened with the condition of our city, witnessing the ravaged lives we saw daily downtown, on our campus, in our work places, at the store, so burdened our very hearts were pleading that they be reconciled to God.

As we drove past Starbucks one sunny afternoon our family was so struck by a site that stirred us on even more for Corvallis. We were literally rolling through the intersection and as though it were in slow motion we all happened to turn to our right in time to catch a glimpse of a blind elderly man falling mid cross walk in the street with one hand raised for help. There was no one to grab arms to give him a lift up. As traffic was behind us, our car moving forward, our hearts stayed there in that place and our heads turned a 18o as we watched the man stumble to his feet. It was clear, we are living in a blind, fallen world. There are many holding an arm up hoping for someone to grab them and pull them to there feet. We are called to be that arm.

Every time we do an outreach, we share the GOSPEL. We are sent to share the good news right? But some have said that is outdated. Hmm. We can not stop seeing our blind and fallen friend, waiting for a hand up.

Lord let us be your hands and feet.

A Holiday Break!

2008-12-02T11:09:00.001-08:00

Taking a time out from writing about the drama ministry this post.

Tis' the season to what? Eat too much? Over spend? Be busier than ever? Fret over gifts and time with family and high expectations?

I am taking a break from all of that! I decided it is not worth it. We have a truly blessed reason to love one another and God during this holiday. Truly because He first loved us. He sent His son to show us the ultimate act of love.

I was baptized two weeks ago, really, for the third time. People were a little surprised. But it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever done. See God has been changing my heart. He has been radically pouring His love into me, pursuing me with loving tenacity until I fully received all the love that my heart could take from Him and spilling over. He has been healing me for the past several years and finally I can RECEIVE His love! I am undone, really.

I am my beloved's and He is mine.

I don't just love God, He loves me back, all of me. I can not express how peaceable that is for me.

Bless you!

Tree, dead girl, and demon.

2008-11-20T23:09:00.000-08:00

Exposing our children to radical evangelism.

It's hard to believe that our kids were so young when this all started. LJ was 12, Jeremiah 10, Caleb 9, and Bethany 8. Whats even funnier was how we double and triple cast them. Bethany really was all three of those roles the first year tree, dead girl, and demon. I love that Kari didn't mind at all having my kids in the drama.

I wish I could say that Lionel and I knew exactly what we were doing when we put our kids in ministry with passionate and excited young adult believers. When I look back on it I think, genius! Genius God! He certainly did know, even though we were clueless. He knew that my kids hearts would be stirred at very young ages for lost and hurting people. He knew that they would be following the example of college students that were fully committed and yet desperate for Him. He knew that week after week they would get on their faces before the Lord, just like the rest of us pouring their heart out to Him, asking Him to do the work, asking Him to save the lost, asking Him to provide and meet our teams needs and to bring people to the outreach.

And when God did show up, and oh how He did show up, He knew what that would teach them about His faithfulness, about doing His work not our own good ideas, about answered prayer.

Over the years our family has been involved in several outreaches of this magnitude and it has been the testimony of our family that we trust God through each step. But the amazing thing is how that has spilled over into every area of our lives. So our kids want to go on a mission trip? They trust God to provide. They want to play instruments and minister in worship? God provides instruments, guidance, ability, and opportunity. They want there friends to know Christ, they one by one begin to come and God changes them. They want to step forward in obedience with something they have never done before and because of God's past faithfulness they have His confidence to move forward with Him.

One day a few years back Jeremiah had some big things going on that God really came through for him on, He said "I knew God would do it because I prayed and He always answers our prayers!"

Thank you for that Lord.

The other day LJ my oldest son said, "mom you ruined us for being normal teenagers and relating to kids in our high school(public) and the things they care about, you kept us with older people that were already out of those issues, and I am so glad."

Praise you Lord.

I had no idea what God was doing with them. I am glad because Lionel and I can not take the credit for what God has done in us and in our family through serving Him and ministering the gospel.

So go forward, serve Him and follow Him, you may have an idea of what things He can do, but you have no idea of ALL the things He will do.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think!

Spiderman Satan scaling the set; PRODUCTION.

2008-11-10T23:33:00.000-08:00

Some things are just burned into my memory. This is one of those things I hope to never forget.

We sat around the table, Kari, me, Lionel and a few guys that would make up our crew. I was really excited to get input from the collective genius as well as vision and heart. Kari and I had shared back and forth plenty and it was evident God was aligning our vision, but there was so much more to our team.

Another thing was it just so happened that as gifted as everyone was for their prospective jobs, there wasn’t a lot of theater experience at the table. Which really didn’t seem to bother any of us, well ok maybe me, but only for second; so we began brainstorming.

We had lots of interesting ideas. Grand erect sets and buildings, cool revolving rooms that would be constructed, pyrotechnics was thrown in there as well, an idea that had come from the college pastor via Kari expressing his thoughts and ideas. Then my favorite of all, to hoist Lionel, our Satan, on a rigging (fly) system in order that he might be able to scale the set like Spiderman! Hmm, let that soak in a minute. I just have to say here I remember thinking through each of these ideas sincerely asking myself and God was there something in this and to not let me pass by anything He was saying to me. One look at Kari and a wink from her bright sparkling eyes assured me that even though we loved the extreme nature and excitement of these ideas, we would need to set out on our own to design the look and flow, then hand out tasks as necessary.

But before I move on there are great nuggets here. I love that anything was possible. I love that there was no holding back and we could let our imaginations run wild. I love that God would use a group that had never done theater before and give them the courage to do everything they could dream up. I love that Lionel would have been willing to harness up and FLY! I love that we had the heart and energy of THE CREATOR flowing through us and because of HIM nothing was out of the question.

Keep dreaming Kristen. Ok Lord!

Next Post: Tree, dead girl, and demon. Exposing our children to radical evangelism!

Rehearsals, something like a Richard Simons work out video?!

2008-10-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well we weren't Sweaten' to the Oldies, but we could have given Denise Austin a run for her money!

I am cracking up this morning as I write this because thinking back at all the different ways we "bonded" as a team that first year, oh my goodness. I don't know that I can paint it now in words, but I will give it a try.

As the director I had to gauge my team and the skill levels, assess where we were at and where we needed to be while at the same time teach the blocking, help with character development and grow ALL of our abilities. I had in my brain the wonderful warm up techniques of working with previous directors, a packet Kari gave me that someone had given to her, pretty much stage basics 101, and my own ideas/eagerness/craziness. However when it came right down to it, that first Saturday morning at Northwest Hills walking in the door greeting all the expectant faces, including the smiling Kari, I had a huge realization...I AM THE DIRECTOR! (Hard swallow.) No, Lord, You be the director. That really was my response, not trying to be spiritual, I had to pass the busk to someone, He was all that was left.

Yes, Kristen, now you are getting.

We started those first few weeks with prayer of course, then worship, then lot's of breathing exercises and then worked into moving around the room for a while and then several games that were very helpful for new actors. I was stalling. It's true, we were having all day practices, I am not kidding about that either and I don't think I blocked more than two scenes that first day. Over an hour of warm ups. I was scared to death. But I didn't want to be. I had it stuck in my mind that we REALLY needed to be warmed up. Kari had this awesome worship music that had great rhythm to it and she loved to dance so after breathing and stretches I asked her if she would help us MOVE more. Twenty or so of us kicking and jumping and turning and swaying and doing our best to keep up with Kari, picture something like a very ill coordinated line dance.(Except our few gifted dancers of course.) To anyone looking in on us I am sure they would have thought they stumbled across a combo aerobics/beginning theater class. Sometimes we had one of our guys lead us in military drills, not kidding about that either. Sometimes we just shouted a bunch; I was really trying to stress the importance of projecting.

All in all, we were bonding. In the Lord, as friends, learning about one another, building trust and sensitivity, it was beautiful. And the bonus was the play was coming along. Woo hoo! And I learned so much from each person on that team. I am crying now because I can see each face and I am so grateful and in awe of how they placed their trust, in the Lord of course, but then in Kari and me. We did not have it all together, there was no good reason why either of us should be the leaders over any of them, but that God had made it so and so, we all gave what we had to give and prayed for God to come through with what we didn’t. And He did. God CAME through for us, HUGE milestone lesson in my life.

Kristen you don’t come through for me, I come through for you. Thank you Lord.

Next Post: Spiderman Satan scaling the set; PRODUCTION!

Service with a Smile

2008-10-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

Kari Zyp Patterson: Service with a Smile!

One of the most amazing things God did in my life during this period of time was giving me the gift and honor of serving with Kari.

I didn’t know at the time that she would become my friend, my co-laborer, my defender, my safety net, my encourager and greatest fan, a beautiful extender of grace. I also didn’t realize at the time the magnitude of this production and what that meant in her life.

A full time campus missionary, a bible teacher, disciple-er, and you may not know this but at the time a School of Ministry student as well, she submits to the Lord and the college pastor and agrees to take on the drama. Now the even greater thing to me was it was a complete step of faith as she had not really done formal theater. But God had given the vision to Mark that she would be leading a Spring Drama and she stepped up to the plate.

Over those few months of preparation, Kari and I spent a lot of time together, either in email or practices or meetings at Ronnie Joes (Red Horse). Kari really began to love on me. God showed me through Kari His heart for how we minister with one another and serve in love. With a smile. No mater what came our way, no matter how tired, no matter the pressure or stress, I never felt anything other than love and grace from her.

There is that familiar saying in ministry that sheep bite and they can. But I find it has been much less when they could only mostly respond in love to a leader that was CONSTANTLY washing their feet, so to speak.

It’s really good for me to recall this today as ministry has become more than overwhelming to me. But looking back I can see the hand of God not just in the fruit from the actual out reaches, but His good favor on our relationships as a team. I don’t think we really knew how many total that first year, we were not interested in numbers just grateful for the people. But seeing it from today’s view I can count on one hand over the years the times we have had any real struggles with the people we were serving with and ALL of those times were completely protected by God with hearts and relationships fully recovered. That is a miracle as we have worked with hundreds of different people. Thank you Lord!

As for me, I was healing. And I have to say that this has been the overall experience in serving with most everyone here at Calvary through the drama ministry. We love God by loving each other and together purpose to love our community. Extending to one another the beautiful service of God, with a smile!

I can not finish with out saying THANK YOU to ALL of you that have served along side us over the years! It has been an absolute pleasure.

Next post...Rehearsals, something like a Richard Simons work out video?!

The First Meeting

2008-10-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Question: Why are you the director?

Answer: I don’t really know.

The first meeting was held at the Calvary office. Walking into the room that day I can recall a few distinct things. One: I was happy to be there. Two: I felt very easy about everything. Three: I didn’t have any great expectations and I was ready to do pretty much any task. Meaning even no task at all if Kari so desired.

We sat down and there were maybe a dozen people that ended up pulling chairs around that table, likely more than that because my family and I made up six. Kari began sharing and she passed packets around the table. There was the usual practical information, some dates and places, some unknowns, and lists.

To my surprise and honestly utter shock Kari had already assigned many duties to people. As I scanned the list I thought back to the night I filled out the application. What had I put on there? Oh, I really wanted to remember now. Ok, I did not have a ton of theater experience in comparison to many I had worked with. I don’t think I embellished. I am not a huge fan of rattling my own resume so I think if anything I down played my theater history. I hoped. But my name was on the list a little more than I had been expecting, A LOT MORE. Then I remembered checking pretty much every box in the list and Kari had put me in just about everything I marked. Why did I do that?! My stomach began to flutter.

I tried very hard not to let my face show my uneasiness. To say I was UNEASY, that’s like jumping into a pool and saying you’re a little wet. I exchanged glances with Lionel and he just looked at me and then back at the sheet; which was one of those moments when I really did wish I could read his mind. But he seemed fine.

We made introductions around the table and when I finished mine, I noticed a person across the table was frequently studying me. I half smiled at him when I looked up with no smile returned and then decided to not let myself be distracted. I had other things my mind was wrapping itself around and I needed to hear what Kari was saying. She had a partial script down loaded from the internet that needed work. She would be in contact with the writer to see if we could adapt it. We had short time constraints (of course) so we basically needed to jump in right away. Our next meeting would be auditions. Whew, I was tired just thinking about it. Ok here I am Lord, use me?

After the meeting I sensed we were to linger a bit to talk to Kari. I was right. The person that had been sitting across from me made a beeline to Lionel and I. He looked directly at me and asked, “why are you the director?” I was so knocked over by that question. I think mostly because of the directness and also because I really didn’t know. I didn’t have to answer though because he began touting to me his own resume and firing questions that had to do with drama ministries and teams in the area and did I know or had I worked with them? No. No I did not know, no I had not worked with anything local, I wasn’t even from around here. But I didn’t have to answer because he kept talking. Me and Lionel exchanged glances again. This time I knew we were thinking the same thing, let’s get out of here. Having four kids is the easiest excuse for making a quick exit.

Kari stopped us on the way out, “I’ll email the script to you ok?” She was so sweet and so happily expectant. "Sure,” I replied returning her excitement. “It needs an ending,” she explained. “Ok, I will take a look at that.” And after a few more words exchanged we departed.

And the Lord began to stir me. “Don’t back away from this Kristen, I AM in this.” And He was.

Anonymous Back-row Believers

2008-10-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

The beginning is a very good place to start. I want to share about the birth of the drama ministry but in order to fully appreciate my perspective I feel the need to start at the real beginning.

Lionel and I moved to Corvallis in December of 1999. Whoa time flies. We came here a little worn and battered from full time ministry and some difficult times we had faced (those are stories for another time).

Needless to say churches had left a bitter taste in our mouth and towards Christians we felt an even greater disdain. But we were responsible parents and had a strong conviction to raise our kids in church. We set out to find a church where we could hear the word, enjoy the worship and blend in. Actually fade completely into the background.

That is exactly what we could do at Calvary. For about a year we would check our kids in, sit in the back and leave during the last worship song or prayer or anything that alerted us to nearing the end of the service. We were not looking to meet people, had no desire to get "plugged in" and we didn't really want people to know we had been youth pastors, not at all.

God put some people in my path that first year however that did open my heart a little. One was Kellie Dykast who I met my first day of work at OSU Federal Credit Union, she just so happened to be training me. The other was another woman I ended up working with every single day Lynn Christiansen. Both women were very sweet and incredibly easy Christians to be around. It was refreshing and surprising.

Slowly God began to heal us through the amazing bible teaching and by His spirit. We realized that we could not stay in our back row slump and needed more but we were fearful and not ready to reach out to people. The way we saw it we had two choices, fully commit to Calvary and the ministry there wholeheartedly OR leave and find a smaller place we could begin to serve and get our lives again centered around ministering.

One day after praying for a few weeks about this our son Jeremiah, at the wise age of nine said, "dad we were closer to God when we were in the ministry." It was like a hot iron to our soul. Those words burned in us. Because he was right, because we knew it, and because we had not been fooling our children at all.

We decided we would work in a ministry that we could do as a family, that was not a weekly commitment and that we could get out of. I know, we sound like winners right? But that is where our hearts were. SO we joined the Barbecue ministry. It was a good start. Gene and Trish were kind. It was practical service and the kids enjoyed it. It was also only half the year. We were both stunned by one thing in particular Gene said at the first meeting. They did not want anyone to get burned out serving.

Really? Did they mean that? Was this just lip service or was he sincere. We had been so abused as laymen and even more so as staff. We had been at everything and doing all that we could or should. Serving was what serious Christians did, all the time, serve the pastor, serve the body, serve the facility, serve the community, try to serve your family, occasionally have time to serve your marriage.

About four months after the barbecue season ended we read an announcement for the Spring Drama. I think my heart began to beat a little faster when I read that the first time. Something was stirring in me and Lionel too. I was very excited. I got the applications and filled them out for all of us. We talked to the kids and they were excited. We thought it would be so fun if we all had little parts or did something back stage or even helped make sets. We were willing to do anything.

The very next week at church we looked for the girl that was going to lead the ministry. I asked around and someone told me she was cleaning the bathrooms (it makes me smile just thinking of that). We finally found her, Kari Zyp, blond hair, black trash bags in hand. We introduced ourselves and she told us about the meeting then we went on our merry way.

To be continued...

Come what may...

2008-10-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

Three simple yet challenging, life changing, extraordinary words to live by.

With the completion of the drama in May it has taken me some time to wrap my mind around all that God has done this year. I say this year because Lionel and I seem to funtion October to October, so yes this month marks another new beginning! So Happy New Year!

This blog was originally set up to help our team with announcements while we were updating the website at hisacts.com but I feel it has been sitting here waiting for stories and life to be shared.

Come what may was the final phrase of our lead character in the Wizard of Uz. Based on the story of Job our character faced hard times, rejection, pain, loss of family and friends, depression, discouragement and the loss of his business and finances as well. In all of that holding fast to the faith he so boldly lived out.

I was constantly stirred by those words when our pastor was preaching through the book of Job last year and I heard them over and over in my head while writing the script. But what I did not do was let them seep into my soul.

I loved the sound of those words put together. I loved the passion in which our pastor would deliver his message and with heartfelt sincerity repeat the words "come what may..." often. I loved closing the drama with the very words that could summarize Jobs relationship with God, yes Lord we will worship you come what may. But I had not even begun to experience the living of those words.

We talk a lot about surrender in our evangelical circles. We sing about it, we acknowledge it as the way to walk daily with the Lord and we try to accomplish it. But recently God has been showing me a new way to surrender that seems to buzz around my much adored phrase.

Oh you mean these words are imprinted on my brain because you are trying to speak to me Lord? Hmm. Ok good. I get it.

Oh you mean even when I am not enjoying what the day holds for me? Come what may. Ok Lord, yeah I get that.

Oh and even when I feel I have the right to something and you are telling me to lay it down, no matter my feelings about it, no matter the consequences, no matter the work involved? Oh, ok Lord, alright, come what may.

Oh and even when you are reminding me that if I am to glory it will be through suffering that I may show others how amazing You are and what You were able to do inspite of hard times? OH, hmm, ok Lord, come what may.

Oh and even though I am faced with the scariest thing I could imagine and I am overwhelmed with so great a sense of loss, desperation and helplessness you want me to look to you and say yes, Lord, I love you, I trust you, I will worship you, COME WHAT MAY!

In His goodness God has told me up front how to respond to all the things He will allow in my path. If we don't have a paycheck for a few months, He is still our provider. If all of our cars break down, He will still get us where we need to go. If our children are hurt or even worse, they really belong to Him anyways. If this world spits back at us every cruel and rotten thing it can, I know exactly what the Lord has asked of me.

Blessed be the name of the Lord! Come what may!

Sign up now for the Spring Drama

2007-12-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

After much time in prayer and waiting on the LORD, He made it clear that we are to do a drama in 2008. We do not take this lightly. A ton of work is required, a bunch of money is spent and a lot of time goes into making this happen. It is essential that we know this is the LORD leading and not us just following another good idea. He has made that clear. Therefore we are off and running.

We will be holding auditions on January 12th and 13th. The 12th will be only for dancers. This location will be specified soon as we do not have a definite location at this point. On the 13th we will hold auditions for actors and everyone else interested in being a part of this ministry. This will be held at Calvary Chapel Corvallis.

The drama is inspired by the book of Job in the Bible. It will be an outreach to the University, and our whole community as well as a major in reach to the body of Christ. Our goal is to show the vastness and glory of God. His power, ability, grace, mercy, knowledge, plans and goodness. After God spoke to Job in chapters 38-41 his response was simply “I know you can do everything, and no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You… I have uttered what I do not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”

Job was an upright man before the LORD when this whole struggle started. In the end, he still was, but he sees the LORD as never before. That is our goal, that people will see the LORD as never before.

There are lots of areas to serve in this ministry. To help us have a better idea of who will be at auditions please send us an email and briefly explain your interest. Include your name, email and phone number. We will keep you updated as we go along.

If interested in dancing please contact Kaela Schamp at kaelaschamp@yahoo.com

If you are interested in acting or any other area please contact Sarah Jacobs at abovethe40@gmail.com

Times and locations will be added here soon and those who sign up now will receive the update directly as they come. (Sign up by emailing one of the people above.)

This page will be updated as we go along so please check back often and don’t hesitate to call or email one of us.

His Servants,

Lionel & Kristen Wilson
Lionel@kw.com
541-829-1267